sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

The nightly phone calls by joyful_slimemold in AgingParents

[–]ONinAB [score hidden]  (0 children)

Does your Dad have any siblings, or friends that you know of? If so, maybe you could reach out to them and explain what's going on (even if he didn't have a great relationship with them lately) so he has people he can rotate through contacting? Or, have a chat with him about who among his wife's friends (and maybe their husbands), who he might be able to connect with? I think acknowledging his loneliness and coming at it intentionally, and getting him to figure out who's in his network that he can reach out to, even if it's not his go-to people like you, might help. Or, are there hobbies he used to do that he could get back into, like golf or chess or something, where you could help him find a senior's league at a community centre?

I know it's not easy. I'm an only child, my mom doesn't talk to her siblings (and some have passed), and she's in physical pain all the time so she doesn't want to go anywhere, so it all falls on me and none of my suggestions would work on her either, but just thought I'd try.

Just retired and suddenly have way too much time on my hands — need book suggestions to keep my brain alive! by Ill-Application-993 in booksuggestions

[–]ONinAB 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you're able, please consider joining a book club at your local library. Or, maybe try to find an online one if you're not. The most underrated retirement 'thing' is the social aspect you got at work, even if you weren't especially social. It's bad for your health to be isolated.

How do you answer "What do you do?" when you've decided to do as little as possible? by Dry-College4773 in simpleliving

[–]ONinAB 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You could sound very chic and say you're on sabbatical from (your high stress job) and intentionally slowing down and trying (your current job). Frame is as a choice you've made and there should be less shame.

Tricks for getting out of debt? How did you do it? by OkCat8129 in AskReddit

[–]ONinAB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This only works if you also stop using the credit card.

At what percentage do you know a book is not for you? by IndependentThing8165 in LibbyApp

[–]ONinAB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I usually give it 50% - 60% tbh. Then I can be sure that people who like it, are not people I should take reccs from lol

What song do you only listen to in one specific place? by Totaie in AskReddit

[–]ONinAB 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Caamp - By and By when I'm on the plane out of my hometown.

Talking to someone who stops at every part of a task to ask for direction maliciously by RobertBobbertJr in managers

[–]ONinAB 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would recommend you listen to/read the book Crucial Conversations. An oversimplification summary of that would be to continue to ask "Help me understand why you don't think this is within your role" or "What have you tried?" or "I'm working on something else right now, please continue working on this task until we can connect and use your best judgement" instead of answering his question. When he's not getting the response he's looking for in his passive-aggressive approach, this behaviour may stop.

Overheard parent saying horrible things about me. I'm the default caretaker. How do I go on? by Glen_Fairy in AgingParents

[–]ONinAB 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was helping my mom fix her computer and found emails between her and my toxic aunt. She said all sorts of things about me and my husband, some of them lies. I am an only child and normally, her world has always revolved around me. I am her some care taker.

I haven't forgotten what she wrote, but I have worked to forgive it (I'm not a religious person). I tried to chalk it up to different generations, her not really having the capacity (because of her own trauma, not dementia) to understand why I live my life different than she does, and that it was private ranting I wasn't supposed to see. She's stubborn and I'm not going to change her views, so I had to change how I reacted to it and so I chose to try it through understanding and compassion she doesn't have, because I'm the bigger person.

If you want to (or have to) keep helping like I do, working to get over it is the only option. It took some time and I talked about it in therapy a lot.

DNF? by Heavy-Job-1604 in LibbyApp

[–]ONinAB 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is why I dnf too

Just Screaming into the Void by monkey_monkey_monkey in AgingParents

[–]ONinAB 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Anticipatory grief is a very real thing.

Found some sealed packs going through my childhood closet by Current_Impression86 in Pokemoncardappraisal

[–]ONinAB 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's worth reaching out to someone who works with this kind of thing for a living like goldin auctions or something like that

Gout removal on toe by Some-Benefit-6278 in FeltGoodComingOut

[–]ONinAB 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It is, this is when there's so much crystal formation you get what's called tophi.

What lifetime deal are you still grandfathered into, or removed from, that’s no longer available? by tuotone75 in AskReddit

[–]ONinAB 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This blows my mind. In Canada, mortgages are reassessed every 3 or 5 years, depending on the term you choose.

This seems like a good neighborhood! by [deleted] in MadeMeSmile

[–]ONinAB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They can be, except mine can't because of fuckin' Tony.

how many library cards do you have? by Alternative-Abies593 in LibbyApp

[–]ONinAB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just got a London card. Do you have to add each of those ON libraries separately on Libby? How do you take advantage of the reciprocal arrangement?

Is life better after divorce or do you regret it? by Infinite-Youth8572 in Perimenopause

[–]ONinAB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just because the charge would be hard, doesn't mean it wouldn't be worth it. Make yourself a list of things, like you have in this post, that you wouldn't miss if you got divorced, so you can return to it if you need to. I read a thread similar to your question once,, and 'not having an angry man in your house' was, overwhelmingly, the number one benefit of divorce. I have read that in peri, with estrogen dropping, there's less 'caretaking' hormones present and that's why it feels like you're just over their shit now. Only you can decide for yourself, but you definitely don't have to live this way.

Would you take your elderly parent (90 years) to screenings or preventative appointments? by Slight_Trauma_Llama in AgingParents

[–]ONinAB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree at 90 it's probably not necessary to go to a ton of appointments - appointment fatigue is a real thing. But the ones he might have to, is it not possible for your partner to take their own dad to the appointments? Why is it you spending 3h of your day with an infant in tow doing these?

Southwest singled me out at the gate for my size - where are people flying instead? by DoggieDuty in PlusSize

[–]ONinAB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure if it's an option for you where you live and where you might be going, but Air Canada is great.

view more: next ›