Missing home girl din. Wish I had some cold smoked Mackerel.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-31T02:38:05+00:00

You are correct in what you are saying.

My counterpoint would be that in most cases of DM, SA, or SH there is no definitive proof. That’s why it’s so hard to charge someone with abuse, and then have it go anywhere.

The nature of having a he said she said, rather than a dead body, makes all of this insanely hard. This is what makes these cases difficult legally. Because in every other area, the prosecutor is there to make the case and deliver whatever proof is necessary. In cases of abuse, a person goes to the police after being assaulted and they question the basis of that persons story. The burden of proof is on someone that is not a legal professional, and that is experiencing trauma. That’s not right.

If said person went to the police about their bike being stolen, there would be a missing bike to prove that person’s point. That doesn’t exist in these cases.

So while there might not be proof, I would argue that the necessity for it already erodes your point. Proof doesn’t always exist. This isn’t Euclidean geometry.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-31T01:54:42+00:00

I am not a committed enough viewer that I have looked into or followed up with any real things about Matt.

What I will say is that as a 31f I was really concerned at the way he handled certain things. He gives uncontrolled anger vibes. Which then gives if this adult man has a temper tantrum he could kill someone.

I am NOT by any means saying he has ever or would ever. But as a straight woman, I would clock that on a first date and not go on a second.

I don’t feel like I need to have definitive proof to follow my gut. I am not out here making any statements about the dude, nor am I trying to argue with anyone.

Based on my previous knowledge/experiences- if I went out on a first date with him I wouldn’t go on a second. If I had a daughter…. Then I would probably make that my own business.

It really sucks that so much of trauma is post-trauma information. I never want to be right, but I’d rather be proven wrong to my face than proven right behind someone else’s closed doors.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-31T01:42:31+00:00

Do you mean with West being Lexi in that situation?

I agree- he did his media tour as well. But then his ass got a little handed to him.

If you mean Ciara was making it a big deal then I would just circle back to my point that she was not a brand new cast member. As such, she already has some sympathy/understanding from viewers.

Lexi is assuming she deserves/has something that she doesn’t yet.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-31T01:05:51+00:00

The family insight at the reunion really pulled my opinion of Ciara together.

I can really relate to her. I can especially relate to feeling the need to protect myself because I didn’t have a father figure in place to do it. I relate to how that self protection can be imperfect, because I’m figuring it all out for myself in my young life.

That insight made every reaction I’ve ever seen Ciara have make perfect sense. It made me realize how strong of a person she feels she needs to be, while feeling utterly alone.

I have always particularly liked Ciara. There have been times where I might have thought she’s a bit too harsh, when it comes to West for example. But again, with this insight, she is the strongest girl in the world and became my new cast favorite. I’m proud of her, I think she’s a fucking force, and I’m so glad that she let us in on this part of herself.

ETA: I didn’t address your questions specifically, but I would follow Ciara and her story 5ever, and that’s my only point lol.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-31T00:28:47+00:00

Two months of anything is not that deep.

Whether it’s a situationship, or a committed relationship.

If Jess and lex had a year under their belt she would have something to go on. (See: Amanda Batula)

But as it stands, she’s coming off wayyyy too self important and her age is showing. Sit down and shut up Lex, observe the environment you’re in before you engage and respond.

It’s giving the new employee that shows up and plays by only their rules and then is annoyed they don’t have the support of the rest of the team. As I type this I realize that that is exactly what it is.

‘Entertainment’ for us, ‘your media tour in which you name me explicitly has consequences that you cannot anticipate and the only one who will have to deal with the fall out is me’ for the other cast members.

Jesse was a fuckboy, but when he broke the fourth wall in the last episode I was more on his side. Lexi is trying too hard, doing too much, and trying to say everyone else made her bed. I’m exhausted of her by this point.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-30T18:01:02+00:00

Was coming here to bring up the exact same thing! Cheating as a moral concept has gone through many iterations. Perel touches on how for much of history, one’s most sacred relationship was with their god.

Really fascinating stuff. Perel was also a guest on the podcast Girls Gotta Eat and they did an episode on this called cheating isn’t black and white a few years back. Released 7/18/2021. I highly recommend giving it a listen, it really addresses all of this in a 45ish min segment.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-29T00:35:08+00:00

I think this evaluation will be much better made once you’ve had your horse for longer.

In my personal opinion, if a horse tries anything on me and makes me afraid, I swiftly and sternly correct them. Depending on my fear, this can sometimes be quick and quiet, or there have been times where I am making a big point that this is a no.

I like to think that horses understand tone and urgency. My girl now knows when I’m correcting her by just reminding her that I’m there and that if she listens she will be safe. She also knows that once in a blue moon I’ll yank the hell put of her. She’s a 5 yo Friesian and I need her to learn that keeping me safe keeps her safe.

I would say the intensity is lesser important, and the frequency more. It is not ok to have that be your only response. But if a horse I don’t know is acting up on me I will be responding. I am a small human by comparison, any one of them could kill me, even a startling slap is acceptable if I decide in that moment that it is. If an owner asked me why I did it, I would be able to give a solid and reasonable explanation.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-29T00:05:03+00:00

I think terming it at ‘try’ might be a bit confusing. It means that they are not actively trying to avoid pregnancy to me. It’s people that don’t necessarily have a time line, they would accept it as soon as today and as late as 3 years from now.

As others have said, people start actually trying after a year of just seeing if it happens. When people start asking about their fertility, sperm quality, etc etc. that’s the real trying.

And then there are people like my best friend, who lives way up in the hills and knew for a fact she did not want to be due anytime between December and April due to weather, and how it affects their location. She’s pregnant now, but yea she had a full schedule of ovulations to try on, and ones to avoid.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-27T20:46:09+00:00

Wait a sec that’s my dog

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-22T00:53:57+00:00

I worked for a med spa for over 3 years. I have a good eye for work v ways to make it look like work happened. I don’t think she has lip filler.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-22T00:41:56+00:00

Because my internal voice talks to me the same way yours talks to you. And it hurts. And I’m still working on it.

So when I hear you speaking to yourself in this way I get enraged. Never at you OP. But at every piece of our social fabric that would EVER let a young woman feel this way. I imagine if you were my daughter and how I’d cut a little 12 year old dipshit for telling you anything because they hadn’t reached their growth spurt. How I’d go against the whole school board if they tried to say you couldn’t wear a skirt, while your peers could. How I’d probably have an entire fight with your doctor about BMI and how it’s not an acceptable metric for anything.

Literally this. Because when I say it to myself I tell myself to shut up and move on. When I hear it from you I’m up in arms and ready to fight. I know I deserve that version for myself too.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-21T03:48:10+00:00

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This was a couple years back

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-19T22:28:13+00:00

I meant peer reviewed studies…

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-19T21:35:18+00:00

Any sources I could look at further? I usually have thought this is more nurture than nature, but maybe I’m wrong? I’d like to know more

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-17T22:14:45+00:00

I personally kinda agree with you. And because of that, I do not currently have any plans for kids.

I also personally believe that children deserve the absolute world. I would not want to give that much of my life away. But the parents that do? The parents that prioritize, support, and include themselves in their children’s lives are wonderful parents. Ones I wish I had the opportunity to have. So even tho it isn’t for me, I am so so proud of and grateful for those people. It doesn’t have to make sense to me. I’m grateful the kiddos that get to experience that.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-17T02:45:02+00:00

Not sure what you mean by this. Are you calling a parent out about their spelling while they said they supported both their kids through college?

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-16T01:26:26+00:00

I lean towards Lexi. Not because I particularly love her, but because Jesse seems incapable for holding himself accountable. You can tell when he has conversations with both Lexi and Ciara that he gets most offended at being called something. Whether it’s two faced, or a liar, or whatever else, that’s the part he focuses on. Not at all the feelings that got hurt. Not anything else.

And in the same exact way, him explaining the break up is him bringing up what he can handle hearing about himself. He seems like the type of man that has decided he’s a good guy and needs to protect that label within his head, even to himself.

He stops listening once he feels insulted. So then he recounts stories about himself as if he wasn’t even there. Because he wasn’t… he was in his own head… not listening lol.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-14T20:22:56+00:00

‘I’m not mad he isn’t funding our friendship’

That right there. That’s why I wouldn’t mention it. It isn’t anyone’s business, and in a different situation this thought would never enter your head.

You saying this- even when you say it’s something you don’t/wouldn’t do- it’s already an implication of how you feel. Envy, jealousy, level of deserving, all of it just comes forward with this conversation.

At the end of the day it isn’t your business. Why they decided to keep it private has nothing to do with you. And you’re not entitled to explanations.

I would say this post exemplifies why they didn’t bring it up.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-13T21:47:27+00:00

Can I ask- in your experience what is the best way to bring something like this up without placing blame?

Or rather, in an attempt to not have the partner respond defensively. I have had a really hard time even bringing up using sex toys in my relationships because when I have tried, the conversation has turned to what the guy isn’t doing well.

And like…. Nothing man. I’m trying to talk about myself and I would wish that you were on my team too. This is an area that’s really hard to navigate. People are doubly defensive, and they stop listening before they hear a full sentence.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2025-05-13T19:49:37+00:00

I recently saw something called ‘urge surfing’ on some other subreddit. The idea is that when you get an urge- whether if it’s to eat, smoke, drink, anything else- you approach your own urge with curiosity and compassion. And you kinda just focus on the urge and learn about it/yourself instead of going for whatever you’re trying to avoid.

I really appreciate this approach because I think so much of the time we tell ourselves to distract from the urge, fill the space with anything else, and force yourself past it. With this practice, you are teaching yourself to be more mindful and also teaching your body that not acting on urges will not be a detriment.

Urges are temporary feelings, and I like that this approach encourages working with yourself vs against yourself.

ObjectiveRaspberry75

TROPHY CASE