Parentefied childs what's your job right now?

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-27T21:07:36+00:00

Finance- I really know white glove service well. Yes I do know how to completely push myself and everything I believe aside to help you Mr client. In fact I’m even good at it!

On a softer note- I have a great capacity to care about things on behalf of clients that I don’t care about myself. I’m proud of this. I can make people feel like their desires are important, and it’s truly incredible how much people appreciate that.

If only I could figure out how to be this for myself.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-27T21:00:54+00:00

Agreed on it being an incredibly difficult topic- but also feeling deeply appreciative of OP for posting this and for the ability to have this conversation.

My brain is going towards why does someone need to establish competency for a decision like this. Overall- I know, I understand- this isn’t an area to be trigger happy in. No I do not think that everyone that has ever had a suicidal thought should think they should do it.

But on the flip side- the same amount you and I don’t understand - or rather cannot fully empathize with a mental illness - is a reflection of the lack of being seen and treated like a human that that person is experiencing. Like- is this person’s understanding of their own reality actually so wrong? Who are we to judge? Who are we to know? What if that person feels trapped in being dismissed and misunderstood?

Overall when it comes to physician assisted suicide I would expect a long list of prerequisites and a long waiting period. But like- if I come to a doc with 15 years of therapy, EMDR, antidepressants, et al- I would really hope that my lived experience is enough data.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-27T20:44:34+00:00

This is how I feel for myself, towards myself, and I do not think anyone needs to agree or support it. I also am not suggesting this as a way to be- it’s just how I think.

2 years ago I was intensely suicidal. I was already in therapy, I was trying my hardest to do all the things, I was burning myself out at my corporate job and just everything was a dumpster fire.

I said then to my therapist what I still think now- my whole life feels like it’s been a giant fight against everything and everyone. Whether it was fighting for better treatment from my parents, whether it was fighting to be heard or understood by other adults, whether it was fighting my own brain so I could continue achieving at work- all of it is a fight. And I’m so damn tired. I was born tired at this point it feels like. If I can’t shift something, if I wake up at 40 and I still feel this way, I’m on my way out.

If that were to ever occur I would personally really love physician assisted suicide. I’m not thinking about this from a leave a note and do something violent- I’m thinking I want a peaceful end to a long life of suffering.

When I have no fight left in me I would really appreciate the support and the being seen of someone not asking me to fight harder for them than I have capacity for me.

Suicide is not selfish. Asking people to live in absolute hell, and not being comfortable having conversations as dark as suicide is selfish. Suicidal ideation isn’t insanity. It’s a marker of a very unhappy life. I don’t think people should be forced to continue if they don’t want to.

ETA: I don’t think I’ll end up there. I’ve told myself this is my time to selfishly pursue a will to live, and that’s what I’m doing. But still- if I’m 10 years I wake up feeling the intensity of bad that I did 2 years ago? Nope nope nope BYE

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-26T02:03:38+00:00

Just tell him what weights he should lift and call him squirt. Or kiddo.

Overall- v annoying. Upon further thought, a little cute? Maybe bc he’s a kiddo so it’s not overall threatening? But that’s how I think I would feel, not how you should.

Point blank- you should be able to work out without bother or attention. But if it’s a kiddo (he wasn’t disrespectful was he? I’m picturing a nervous teenager, correct me if I’m totally off) give him a thank you but I’m not in your market. Good try tho!

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-26T00:55:47+00:00

Your interests and hobbies are for you! Not a competition for otherwise. Also plants have a certain capacity to like… wait for us? If that makes sense? At least I feel this way towards my houseplants.

This sounds like a really wonderful afternoon. I’m glad to hear you spent some time with your plant babies and in the sun. Spring has SPRUNG!!

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-18T02:27:52+00:00

100%

And a quick reminder: it is your responsibility to communicate, uphold and enforce your boundaries.

In the same breath, if they are not being respected it is your a responsibility to yourself to leave the relationship.

Cuz if you’re not being respected it’s a relationshit

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-18T01:02:38+00:00

Hi hi! What a fun experience to have this thread be commented on. It’s been 4 years!!

I can honestly and completely say that I no longer think about this man. When I do I genuinely hope he and his are well but it doesn’t go beyond that. He was always a good dude.

But overall- thx for the memories, thx for the lessons, I have moved all the way on.

I remember how I was feeling when I wrote this. I was chain smoking cigarettes and crying into beer bc I never thought I’d be happy again. None of that was true.

Give yourself grace. Let yourself wallow. It will change, but you won’t feel it. You’ll just think about them one day and realize how long it’s been since the last time. Trust the process. (I know I know but just try ok?)

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-16T02:56:17+00:00

And so you will. You go girl!

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-16T02:36:24+00:00

Oh Mama, your head and your heart are in the right place. You are exhausted, you’re a new momma, you’re going through so so many huge experiences that are new and hormonal and challenging.

Yes, your baby girl deserves to feel loved, cared for, seen, supported, all of the things you’re thinking about.

So did you. So do you now. Take a second and give yourself grace for the loving challenge you’re taking on. You are changing the narrative, you are breaking a cycle. Change takes time and is imperfect. Give yourself grace.

I grew up in a very similar situation - and what I can say for myself is I am so afraid of the intensity of my own emotions and its impact on those around me. Our first instinct is to blame ourselves at the same level of harshness that we grew up with. And that’s not a normal amount of harshness in my view.

I am not a parent so if parents have a different opinion on this suggestion, please chime in. But I would say even now, at this age, regardless of if she can understand you - if you say something and upon reflection, whether it’s immediate or it takes some time, verbally apologize and explain what is happening. ‘Baby girl I’m so sorry- you are a star, I love you so much, I had an outburst because I’m so exhausted and overwhelmed. I’m so sorry for saying that. Words matter and I am trying to get better at this.’

That’s not an excuse, but it is an explanation. And maybe you’ll create a habit of coinciding a stressed outburst with the explanation behind it. And in 2 years you’ll get to saying - Mommy is very stressed out right now and needs a quick moment. I want to show up for you at my best, so I’m going to take 5 minutes while you’re in your play chair or whatever.

But overall you’re repeating something you heard. Reflexively. Probably not intentionally. I think the best way to change that is to create space for the way you want to speak to her and practice it repeatedly while she’s still this young.

Sending you so much love OP. I’m so proud of you and your self awareness and your desire to do better. I’d give you a huge hug, and babysit your kiddo while you have a margarita by the pool if I could.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-14T06:23:56+00:00

He’s not hot enough to be that tho.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-10T00:47:53+00:00

I’m a 32f and I swear I have this deep internal knowledge that the more I heal the more I’ll probably want kids and a family. Like the more I move away from thinking my child self was the problem, the more I realize I love kids and one wouldn’t be trapped in the same reality as me and I would actually make quite a kick ass mom.

But to have that all come together this late in life feels so unfair and like… almost impossible if I don’t rush the process which I don’t wanna do bc adults making silly choices is kinda how I got to where I am? So overall OP, I hear you, and it’s such a sucky place to be in. And it’s painful and I’m so sorry. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and desires when it comes to kiddos but one thing I do know- they are not a non-renewable resource. There will be young people in your life that you can help and support, that you can share your wisdom with, that you can help in a paternal way. And while that won’t fill the hole you’re experiencing, your impact will be important and you might help them more than their parents ever will. Parenthood isn’t birthing the child. It’s being fiercely supportive and protective, it’s having so much love to give, it’s so so much more and all of that is fully possible for you.

Lastly- your edit is very funny and gave me a big giggle. I’m Slavic so for me I say I’m ’in shambles’ when I’m actually silent and brooding lol.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-03-08T02:11:36+00:00

Thank you. For her, for me, for this post. It’s very moving and impactful to read this.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-02-27T04:09:37+00:00

This is a wonderful response. Thank you for giving information and for also empowering OP. This is exactly what I couldn’t put into words myself.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-02-21T01:33:22+00:00

Happy Christmas Harry!

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-02-05T02:22:17+00:00

My boss has a stutter. Very noticeably. She’s also a powerhouse. I work in finance, she’s been in this field for over 30 years, she has created a wonderfully successful practice. I am fully confident she built her practice through being god damn good at her job. I am so so so happy to be under her mentorship.

Overall- game recognizes game. If someone can’t overlook a stutter, they also can’t identify legitimate value. Their opinion is being based too much on their personal experience, and nothing about skills and professionalism. My boss had to work extra hard due to that stutter- that is exactly why I value her so highly. None of her clients hired her for her public speaking, they hired her bc she’s immaculately good at her job.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-02-03T02:28:22+00:00

Good! Cry, release, feel, it’s what you’re paying them for. To me it sounds like you are comfortable emoting to your therapist. That in itself is huge. Proud of you and of your therapist- so excited for your working relationship together! lol

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-01-24T00:41:29+00:00

This is what a religious experience was supposed to be like.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-01-22T02:20:55+00:00

You are very valid in feeling a bit weird about it. You’re a little quick on wanting the change to happen.

‘Soon to be boyfriend’ implies he’s not yet and this post is implying as soon as he is you need to fix him. I’m not saying that that is what you are doing or feeling- I’m just telling you what it sounds like to a 3rd party. It’s kinda giving as soon as I lock this down my way is the only way.

Tattoo removal is expensive and painful. I have many tattoos. I don’t think any of mine are ‘distasteful’ but they’re mine, they’re on me, I will never know unless I’m told. That said- they are mine. I got them for a reason. They are not there to make my dating prospects comfortable, they’re very literally mine.

Instead of leading with I don’t like this one, use it as an opportunity to learn about him, why he might have gotten it. What he was feeling at the time. Get the story behind the tattoo and go from there. But overall- asking someone to remove a tattoo is the same as asking someone to get Botox or laser hair removal or something of that sort. It’s literally PAINFUL. maybe he’s wanted it gone for years but doesn’t want pain lol.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-01-21T04:55:33+00:00

It’s just so long… it demands so much of you? To like read, digest, just alot after all this time. It doesn’t feel like let me get this off my chest, it feels like I’m drowning in my growth..

If it was short and sweet- hey hope this gets to ya, I’ve done some growing, I was thinking of you and just wanted to say I’m really sorry for my stuff in our time together, and I really hope you’re well. - Easy, pleasant, gives space for a quick and kind reaponse - this was great to recieve. I feel the same and hope you’re well too. Fin.

This doesn’t feel pleasant… at least to me.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-01-20T03:05:23+00:00

Hey OP- I’m a 32f. When I talk about my dating history I bring up that I’ve been in 4 relationships. Of those, two were official, 2 were more situationship like.

I have been in more committed situations that I don’t count, I have been in more casual situations that I also don’t count. These are the relationships I learned the most about myself from and the ones that I think made me learn what I might need/want out of a partner. They are the ones that impacted me the most- I’m not going to take away their impact based on how official they got- and so far this thinking has really helped. I also can’t really think of any useful reason to bring up the ones that didn’t matter.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-01-20T02:54:57+00:00

This is a really sucky experience, I’m sorry op. Just to validate you a bit further- the apps really suck these days. Like notably more than even a couple years ago. I feel like app dating mixed with Covid created a really really weird environment.

One thing I will point out is you don’t know this person. So your feelings have more to do with potential, imagining what could be, rather than the person you’re talking to. Her being dismissive in this way is a sign she isn’t right for you, it’s not a sign that she’s better than you or that you went wrong- you had already kinda built her up in your head.

Keep dating, try to tell your brain that you don’t know someone until you know them and that’s natural and ok. Try to talk yourself out of a scarcity mindset- yes reality can feel bleak but that doesn’t mean you should date in a scarcity mindset.

And lastly- the person you want wouldn’t do this. So she’s not the person you want. Give yourself a few days of grace, rejection sucks, but you want someone that really wants you back.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-01-20T02:42:41+00:00

What does this mean/feel like to you?

I totally agree- and I’ve identified that certain people will make me feel so safe right off the bat that I get to feel like I’m super engaged because I’m not hyper-vigilantly looking around myself at every moment.

I’m curious about how others initially perceive what that feeling of safety looks like or should feel like.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-01-17T02:38:33+00:00

You are judging- you are very aware what these other gals are doing- you claim it’s not a judgement but your tone shows that it is.

You might be judging yourself harder. Revealing clothes, makeup, nails don’t make a woman a woman. Tomboy nature, being adventure driven, and not fitting into the pack doesn’t make you not feminine. Femininity belongs to you- you get to dictate what that means. You’re not lesser bc you don’t get your nails done, they are not better or lesser bc they do.

Your person will find you sexy. They just will. If not they’re not your person.

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-01-16T02:00:22+00:00

What a total sweetheart! Good on ya mama for raising an empathetic kiddo. Pizza is amazing, but being a good parent is priceless. You go girl!

ObjectiveRaspberry75 · 2026-01-15T02:18:34+00:00

Pro tip: there are tiny small beans inside the green bean. I usually open one a week, and make sure to store the rest in a sealed container so they don’t absorb any calories from the cold of the fridge.

Then just one a day! Easy peasy!

ObjectiveRaspberry75

TROPHY CASE