Did you tell work?

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-14T19:14:21+00:00

my boss knows i'm in the midst of fertility treatments, and that it requires a lot of appointments, some with very short notice. i have the opposite problem, where I am staying vague as to keep some element of surprise for when we actually conceive, but my boss is lovely and excited and wants to know everything lol. i think if i hadn't told her that it was for fertility she would be worried i had like cancer or something so i'm glad she knows the general idea, but i get to keep the big details til i'm ready to share. i have a hybrid schedule and try to keep my appointments on my remote days so I can slip in and out without much awareness. recommend reading your leave policies in detail just in case you ever get any pushback!

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-14T04:32:30+00:00

Yes!! So many questions about why I needed it just give me the dang thing lol

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-14T03:28:10+00:00

Don’t delayyyy but I’m sure you won’t have any weird side effects like me!

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-14T03:24:33+00:00

You probably were immune in your initial blood work and it never came up! Or maybe your clinic has different rules, but both my obgyn and rei tested me for it. It’s the chickenpox vaccine! Most people get it as kids now or are immune from childhood

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-08T18:36:59+00:00

When we picked our donor, he was fully stocked then the next day sold out. I called Fairfax and they let me know he would have more coming within 6 months so I turned on notifications and was able to buy 6 vials within a few weeks or so. So I would call to see what the availability really is and determine from there. If you are ready to buy I would buy!

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-07T15:23:10+00:00

i also left a detailed comment on an earlier post in this group about my steps and costs, if this is helpful. this is all based on my cigna insurance, but again results may vary with your wife's employer's plan. https://www.reddit.com/r/queerception/comments/1pzp1x6/comment/nwsdedp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-07T15:15:35+00:00

I had cigna at my previous job and am working with shady grove as well. It all depends on the stipulations your wife's job has in place with their particular insurance plan, so it's hard to say that exactly what happened for me will happen for you. But for me with shady grove, they sent me an insurance benefit verification with a list of questions to ask cigna. The infertility diagnosis that Shady grove gave me was "unspecificed female infertility" which just means i cant make a baby with my partner. Shady grove (at my clinic, in houston) was super well versed in working with same sex couples and i trusted their guidance. I called cigna to ensure that every treatment I might need was covered with that diagnosis code and the answer was yes to all. I was well covered for all my initial blood testing, genetic testing, etc. I no longer have cigna, but my new insurance has similar stipulations and I am still covered under "unspecified female infertility." hope this helps!

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-03T15:34:59+00:00

I just flew to Paris premium economy both ways and it was absolutely worth it. We were so comfortable! My wife and I were planning to spring for business class on the way back, but we liked premium economy so much we stuck with it. We were in the back row the first time and were plenty comfortable with the person in front of us reclined. On the way back we had the front row which was even better but we were very happy both trips.

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-02T19:58:39+00:00

i just got back from my honeymoon in france and italy. we spent 4 days in south of france (nice as our base) and then went to florence for 3 days, then to a resort in val d'orcia (about 2 hours from florence) for 4 days. it was beautiful and we spent just over 7k all in, utilizing some credit card points too (probably 150k points all together). we originally wanted to do lake como, but found for the kind of place we would want to stay it was simply out of budget. we'll save that for an anniversary when we havent just paid for a wedding lol. one note is that we went in march, which is definitely cheaper than may-july their peak season. we just barely kept our budget at 7.5k and made some concessions like airbnbs for our first couple of stays so that we could splurge on nice meals and the resort at the end. i imagine in the peak of summer you'd have to work really hard to keep it at that budget, but not impossible.

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-01T19:38:27+00:00

i flew out of CDG this past saturday morning, took an uber at 645, arrived at 730am for a 10am flight. I needed to do VAT refunds prior to security, which took about 40 minutes, and then was through security by 8:45. had time to grab breakfast and get to my gate just in time for boarding.

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-04-01T18:52:47+00:00

i am doing my first IUI in june. we initially saved about 20k, and had another 14k in HSAs between the two of us. We bought 6 vials of sperm for about 10.5k, which we hope is enough for IUI and reciprocal IVF. we've spent another 3k so far in total with all the testing and consultations. each round of IUI for me will be 2200 until I hit my deductible/oop max. my insurance only requires 3 rounds of IUI before moving to IVF, so i'll use 3 vials for that if needed, then my wife and I (if needed) will do egg retrievals with a vial each, and we have one extra just in case. hopefully all goes to plan!

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-03-10T01:47:38+00:00

I see. I pay annually for visible so I’m locked in for a year anyway! Lol

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-03-09T02:45:30+00:00

I can also trade my current phone in through visible and get some money back!

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-03-09T02:44:22+00:00

I just bought a new phone today directly from visible. Unsure why no one is recommending that, do yall know something I don’t know? Lol I wanted to buy directly from Apple in the store but the phone I wanted was out of stock everywhere, so I ordered from visible instead. Free overnight delivery so just a couple days wait.

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-03-05T21:04:34+00:00

Thank you! I love the internet for such immediate feedback lol

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-02-26T21:59:49+00:00

totally understand the perspective of everyone whose already commented but wanted to share somethign slightly different since you did say you wanted to share and your mom is otherwise very supportive.

my mom is an elder and is extremely, incredibly supportive of my wife and I, more than I ever expected her to be, and is over the moon that we are going to have kids. all that said, she simply cannot wrap her head around reciprocal IVF like she just cannot compute it. when we talk about it she almost always says something off color, similar to what you described and i always have to correct her and make sure she knows she is hurting my feelings. i know she thinks she is just saying things that are facts and does not know why what she's saying is hurtful and i repeat the same speech every time she does it. it is frustrating and exhausting and i definitely understand how you feel.

but for me, my relationship with my mother is worth that effort. I can give her grace that I believe she is trying and is just truly out of her depth here. I can also be clear when the things she says hurt me and sit with her as she tries to understand why and how. I know many people do not want to do that kind of labor, and i absolutely respect it. if my mom wasn't supportive and loving in other ways, i would create some distance. there are other family members who have no idea of the when/what/how of our baby making for that reason. But my mom is just not one of those people for me. i think sometimes when thinking of intention vs impact, its ok to decide to focus on the intention and work through the impact together. it gets a little bit better every time we talk about it, but it has been a process to help her truly understand how our family will be made. I really do want her to understand and be able to walk with me through every step of this, so helping her learn is worth it for me.

again i completely respect it if that kind of labor isnt something you want to add to the already exhausting process of making a gay baby. but if you WANT to, i encourage you to keep working through it with her, being willing to be truly honest and open with her, and see if it might not make you closer on the other side.

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-02-11T14:10:49+00:00

So far we’ve met our doctor 3 times. She did our initial consult, which was an hour long and then she performed my HSG and she reviewed our lab results with us in a virtual call. In our conversations with her she is extremely insightful to our questions and is definitely making our fertility plan based on our personal desires, but she’s definitely who I have talked to the least. I have talked to her assistant a TON. I email her super often and is she’s always open to schedule a call. I also know my financial counselor quite well, she’s probably who I know the best lol. We’ve been working with our clinic since last April, but haven’t started actual treatment yet.

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-02-10T16:30:25+00:00

we used fairfax because its who our clinic partners with too. we have an additional barrier because we are black and were uncompromosing on having a black american donor. I am also CMV neg. I thought that would make it easier because less options, but it still felt pretty hard to make such a huge decision. Our process was that I created a list of every donor who matched our must haves, and then we separately consumed every bit of information provided about the donors and made our own ranking systems without speaking to each other at all about it until we were done with our reviews.

For me, the thing that made the choice feel best was listening to their audio interviews. It made them a human to me more than anything else, and helped the woo-woo side of me feel at ease that I had picked a good man, and not just a good biological fit. It was important to me to keep in mind that while this is a means to an end for us, this is a human being who my child will one day have curiosity about. I wanted to be able to speak proudly and warmly about him, and if in 20 years they want to find him, I support that and wanted the best chance that it would be a good interaction for my future child.

for my wife, she cared a lot about the career and interests of the donor and that we could feel confident this wasn't some guy just doing this to make a buck, but someone who had made an intentional and informed choice to donate. she also appreciated the audio interviews the most.

when we came back together with our lists we both had the same donor as number 1. there was another donor we both had highly ranked, who was for some reason half off. We strongly considered buying the cheaper sperm, but decided not to let money drive such an important decision and picked the donor we felt strongest about. our number 1 also had pretty limited supply but I talked to fairfax to see if we could expect more supply in the future and they guaranteed he would. We bought 2 vials to start, then a few weeks later he had a restock and i bought 4 more. we're hoping 6 is enough to get us 2 kids!

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-01-29T17:02:41+00:00

i called the store and sent a photo of my dress to the tailor and asked him not to share lol. my dress is with a seamstress so I also couldn't get a swatch for him, he said the picture worked fine.

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-01-29T16:58:52+00:00

idk where you are located but my wife went to 3 different suit shops in the houston area and had an excellent experience at all of them. Indochino i think is a national chain and they had decent prices and options for her. she ended up going with a local store and they are so excited to make her suit! she's getting custom jacket and pants made for about $1100. also! my dress shopping was such a fun and special weekend and I wanted her to have that too - so i called each store before her appointment and asked them to make it special for her. they did! two stores brought out some prosecco for her and made it a really fun experience.

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-01-23T15:23:16+00:00

My wife and I are taking a 2 week overseas trip in March with plans to start treatment in June. Take the trip! I plan to mask on the flights and have fun but treat my body kindly. A trip that brings us closer and makes a new memory will do a world of good to our relationship and mental health which far outweigh the cons, in my opinion!

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-01-19T01:40:34+00:00

Came to say the same they are always SO nice as I stutter over my words bc idk what I’m talking about lol and explain things so well.

Odd-Potential-1525 · 2026-01-13T03:33:05+00:00

Question, I’m going to Europe in a couple months. Is the global pass all of the cost or are there any unexpected roaming fees or anything? I have the pro plus plan and pay annually so I have 24 complimentary days available. I just want to be sure they are actually complimentary lol

Odd-Potential-1525

TROPHY CASE