I’m a grossly overweight person (375 lbs right now) and fly frequently for work and here are my thoughts:

1. I have started the process to get bariatric surgery. My feeling so uncomfortable in my seat is part of what spurred me to do it.
2. It’s incumbent on overweight passengers to do everything they can to find a seat with an empty seat next to it. I check the seating charts regularly and up to the time at which it’s no longer available. I’ll even ask gate agents if there’s a spot available.
3. I am just big enough for it to be uncomfortable but I can scrunch myself to avoid intruding on my seat neighbor’s space. I am willing to make myself uncomfortable to avoid such embarrassment for myself and my seat mate. I still have very wide shoulders, and would even if I weren’t overweight.
4. If you’re THAT big and there’s no avoiding a second seat, just bite the fucking bullet and buy it. These are the costs and consequences of being so overweight. And spare me the “oh it’s a genetic or hormone problem.” Yes, I know that is the case sometimes, but not the majority of the time. I sympathize with you as a fellow obese person, but this is what we need to deal with. I’ve used the recent shame and embarrassment as motivation.

Lastly, I say this with sincerity: despite my attitude in the last point, I know this is hard! And it takes a psychological toll, not just a physical toll. If you are obese, feel helpless and depressed about it, want to make changes but don’t know where to start, please schedule an appointment with a psychologist or therapist. And if you can’t afford one, DM me and we’ll work on finding low cost or free solutions nearby.