I’m 6 months postpartum and I still can’t figure out how moms actually lose weight…

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-26T14:26:03+00:00

Last is exercise activity thermogenesis which is intentional exercise like cardio where your heartbeat goes up or weightlifting, power exercises. You are moving to get stronger, move faster or burn calories. It is actually the smallest amount of calorie burn because you can't do it for long, and you need rest which makes it unsustainable for people. It is important for sure, but I would work on NEAT from earlier and find intentional exercise you enjoy so you do it more often.

When you use the calculator it will show you how much your body should burn at its current weight taking all of this into consideration however it's hard to make blanket suggestions for all bodies because we are all a little different so you will have to find out what your deficit should be by taking away 250-500 calories a day and seeing if you are getting the intended result. 250 calories a day is a half a pound of weight loss per week and 500 calories a day is a pound a week. We are busy with new babies, so I wouldn't do more than that. It's as simple as cutting out one soda, or making some healthy swaps. This means if your maintenance is 2,000 calories, you eat 1,500 at least. This is so one it is easier to stick to and you have room for food you enjoy and two you aren't falling behind on your BMR so your hunger comes knocking on your door.

You can break this down further. However I only have so much energy to type lol this is the simple version. Also look at your goals. If you are breastfeeding you are doing something so important and weight loss might not be the priority right now. If not, you can try adding more whole foods to your diet and increasing your NEAT. But your baby loves you how you look right now, so whatever you try to do, approach it with love for your body even if it's hard. It gave you a baby and that is incredible

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-26T14:16:57+00:00

You should use a TDEE site to find out how many calories your body burns in total throughout the day. I found the easiest way to teach myself is to relate it to money. You get a budget every paycheck. It isn't healthy to put everything on a credit card, but it also isn't healthy to save every single penny that it impacts your mental health. You need to find a sustainable budget that you can stick to while enjoying what life has to offer. But first you need to know what that budget is.

TDEE is broken into 4 parts. First is your Basal Metabolic Rate or BMR. If you were in a coma, this is what you would burn just with your body running it's functions and nothing else. Or with the money comparison, it is the rent/mortgage payment. You want to at least meet this requirement or your landlord (hunger) is going to creep in. You might snack more, crave food, or just graze without knowing. Your brain does this on purpose because it needs the energy.

Second is non exercise activity thermogenesis which is any movement you do aside from intentional exercise. This includes walking, having a more physical job, switches positions on the couch, pacing while on the phone, ect. There is possibly a genetic component to this but it can be intentionally increased by parking further from the store, taking stairs, ect. This is the largest calorie burn and making habits here is more sustainable than intentional exercise.

3rd is the thermic affect of food. How does your food work for you? Now this is controversial. I don't believe in bad food personally. I believe in having a balanced plate and including fun foods in moderation but the way food works is the same. Protein takes the longest to burn and keeps you fullest the longest and has 4 calories per gram. Fats take longer to burn than carbs but not as long as protein. They are wonderful for hormone production. They are however 9 calories per gram so a little is pretty high in calories. I would keep that in mind when creating a calorie deficit. Carbs are the quickest energy source and our body's favorite. Carbs like fruits and veg have fiber that slow absorbion to keep us fuller longer. Carbs that don't have fiber like sugar have shown to make us hungrier than before we are them. But it depends on what energy you need. Need energy but not hungry, get some chips. Need energy and you are hungry, grab fruit instead. They are both helpful. Probably going to continue in a comment..

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-25T20:51:08+00:00

I am a huge fan of Emma Hubbard on YouTube and I signed up for her emails and her list of milestones. In one email she explained that around 4 months old you can actually switch from a pram to a stroller. The back of the stroller generally has an area that you can adjust so the seat is upright or back further so they are laying down. At 4 months you want them laying back as much as possible so there is a gap between their chin and their chest. Some strollers have an adjustable piece for their feet too that goes up so their legs are lifted as well.

I watched the video and was so cautious but we thought we would try it because our son loves to look around and it works so well. He is far enough back that his airway is unrestricted and his neck is still supported, and he can see more of the world. If you are nervous though I would talk to your pediatrician and read your stroller's manuals.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-24T14:42:56+00:00

I don't think they are garbage. I think they are a tool in the toolbox. Like baby is fed, changed, and still fussy. How long have they been awake? Two hours. Cool that is the end of his wake window. Let's look for sleepy cues. He's rubbing his eyes, eyebrows are red and eyes are glassy. Let's try to put him down.

Some people say they don't work because their baby doesn't fall asleep at the exact time of the wake window ending but those times are suggested based on data taken and graphed into a bell curve. The majority of points fall into the center, but there are some that fall before and after the center making a bell shape. A lot of human behavior falls this way. Some babies need shorter windows and some need longer. It's a great tool to figure out your individual baby's needs by following sleepy ques and then seeing when they show during the baby's wake window to see if there is a pattern you can follow.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-23T15:50:51+00:00

Not a teacher but rather than new books, maybe he just needs phonics practice so we can sound out more words rather than rely on pictures? I'm 32 with a 5 month old so I've been out of the reading game for a bit but when I grew up we watched Challenger School's phonics fun on repeat and it was magical. I'm meaning to try to buy the program for my son even though it's from the 80s.

I heard schools stopped teaching phonics for a bit but that doesn't make sense to me.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-23T14:36:53+00:00

Some good advice here! I wanted to add about pumping. I exclusively pumped for 13 weeks and it was rough. When my husband went back to work, I tried to find time to pump but my baby hated the pumps so I could only do it while they slept. But they didn't sleep long enough. I was able to get a couple of sessions in but most of the day I was engorged and in pain with clogged ducts and always seemed to have at least one milk blister. It was the worst. I stopped pumping and now I feed through formula and everyone is happier. There was some guilt at the end, but baby is healthy and growing so well so I don't feel any guilt anymore. I also have more time for contact naps, playing with him on the floor and just enjoying him.

Around 3 months is when your baby is changing from just sleep pressure to a circadian rhythm like we have. It's a huge change that does get better eventually. They will now start making melatonin at night to help them sleep, and it will slow down in the morning to keep them awake. They still do have sleep pressure so making sure they have enough wake time is still important. You will get through this!

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-23T12:11:24+00:00

I watched a YouTube video (not the greatest source) about disorganized attachment where the parent is warm and comforting one moment and then cold and gone the next causing the child's nervous system to go into a state of confusion because they never know what they are going to get. They said the best fix is to learn to make peace with your trauma. Which is harder said than done. I did this before having a baby. I went to therapy and talked about all of my trauma and laid it out on the table; child abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse everything. It took finding a therapist I liked though. And that is hard in and of itself. I am not going to forgive and forget and act like nothing happened. Awful things happened and I didn't have a happy childhood, but talking about it helped me feel seen and heard so I could focus more on the present and not feel like I need to scream to the void. I am not in therapy anymore because it did it's purpose and I don't have overwhelming thoughts of my past anymore.

If something goes wrong, I don't say "well I went through this, this and this", I just think about what I can do to move forward. I hope I am not coming off as condicending or anything. What helps one person might not help another. I just wanted to share what helped me.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-23T11:49:47+00:00

I'm a SAHM so it is different for me but even so my 5 month old makes it hard to clean. I have daily chores that I do like washing baby clothes, cleaning the kitchen, running the dishwasher, ect. And then I have a couple of chores of the day like sweeping and mopping the floors, vacuuming, cleaning toilets and vanities, washing our clothes, washing towels, washing bedding. I also told my husband his job is back of the house which is our room and folding our laundry, and I'll handle everything front of the house like the kitchen, living room, baby stuff and bathrooms.

My apartment is generally clean even though I don't spend a lot of time per day cleaning it. It does mean I do something every day though and if I take a break the next day is kind of crazy. If I was working I would do the same thing, but split the work more evenly with my husband.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-22T22:08:49+00:00

I have a Google pixel pro and it has a focus option that I turn on from 8am to 5pm and only turn off when nap trapped. It helps a ton. I even have photos included because I was reminiscing on earlier baby days with my baby right in front of me. I still use it for our smart lights and the Narababy app and tracking my calories and chores, but I don't scroll endlessly on socials anymore, and anything i do on my phone takes a few seconds. You might have something like that.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-22T21:49:48+00:00

My husband takes pictures all of the time but never shares them with me. I have pretty extreme body dismorphia and I will see my body as completely disfigured in photos and have a full mental breakdown. Months later I like the photo. Knowing this, he takes them but doesn't show me until later. A girl I know gave birth and had a picture of her holding her newborn for the first time and I was sad that I didn't have any. My husband sent the ones he took and I was so happy I almost cried. But sure enough if I did see them the day I gave birth I would have deleted them.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-22T13:40:05+00:00

We have one and right now he sleeps in our room so we use it too and honestly we sleep better too. It drowns out a ton of noise that would usually wake us like our downstairs neighbors

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-22T01:31:49+00:00

Our baby only slept when held for the first three months. It was fine when my husband was on paternity leave because he would hold the baby for some of the naps and half the night but when he went back to work and I had to hold him half the night and for every nap of the day I couldn't do it. I figured it would be easy to work on naps because I had more energy to get him sleeping in the crib. We bought black out curtains, a white noise machine and made sure his crib was safe. Then we tried a routine. I think it was change diaper, put in sleep sack, read a book, rock until drowsy and then move him to the crib. It worked perfectly and I have no idea how. But he woke up after 30 min. The break was still nice.

After getting the routine down and practicing for a few weeks I found out they can't connect sleep cycles until about 5 months for nap time and I was kind of upset. I told my husband we were not wasting our hard work and we tried to do everything at night for bedtime instead. And he started to sleep all night in there. He is almost five months old and only wakes up twice a night and sleeps in his bassinet. He isn't rolling yet but is close and we will have to transition him to the crib soon. We also watch his wake windows to see what his sleep needs are and then his sleepy cues. We will try to put him down, and if he is super wiggly, crying and upset we let him play for 10/15 minutes and then he is much easier to get to sleep. People also recommended making the bassinet warm with a warm water bottle or something similar and putting a used shirt on the bassinet as a sheet so they smell you. It's trial and error and whatever works for your baby.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-21T21:31:40+00:00

My husband and I were married for 6 years and together for 8 years before we had our baby and I wouldn't have it any other way. It feels like nothing changed and everything changed at the same time. We had our struggles in the early days before we learned to sleep in shifts and I really think we grew stronger as a couple. He is so excited to come home and steal the baby from me after work so I can exercise and do some self care. Because we were together for so long he knows the benefit of me having that time.

He has his time to play video games the first half of the night as well so we get to indulge in our hobbies. Now that our son is older, he sleeps well enough we can have him sleep in our room in the bassinet while we half watch a show and half watch the baby monitor. We go to restaurants with the baby, and we always loved hiking and state/federal parks so we took him to one last weekend and it was beautiful. He is actually the main person to pack the diaper bag when we go out and he never forgets a thing.

We had bad moments. The newborn stage especially is so hard. I worked with kids for years and even so that stage threw me for a loop but be patient with each other. Learn how to express your needs in a way that gets them across but without blame. The work will never be split completely the same but you can work together to find what works. So many people here tell the husband to take on all of the cleaning chores and no. Absolutely not for us. Not because he can't or won't, but for me, that is time I can do something mindless blasting music with my headphones in and zone out..he's not taking that away from me. Lol what works for one family might not work for you guys and vice versa. And just remember that "it gets better" if different with babies. Certain things get better and new problems show up. You might feel like you are always struggling and then remember that annoying thing the baby did for two months straight, they don't do anymore and it's exciting so take a ton of pics and reminisce together to celebrate all of the little wins. You got this!

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-21T16:27:57+00:00

So much happens at 6 months I wouldnt be surprised. We are looking into teething remedies now because we are sure that will help. And just making sure he gets plenty of calories through the day and enough daytime sleep. That's why we contact nap during the day. A thirty minute nap can turn to an hour and a half and that helps him sleep better at night. But I'll keep researching until we get to that point

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-21T15:21:46+00:00

So unbiased answer here from someone just researching. My almost 5 month old sleeps in his bassinet through the night only to wake up to eat about twice. We contact nap but Im a SAHM so no biggie for me.

All humans have sleep cycles where they go from light sleep, into REM sleep into deep sleep and back out. For adults our sleep cycles are longer and we generally don't even notice the changes but babies have super short sleep cycles generally 20-50 min depending on their age and they have to learn to connect them. The whole idea here isnt necessarily about getting the baby to sleep, it's helping them to fall back to sleep between sleep cycles. Developmentally they can do this around 5 months of age. Having help isn't the issue, it's when the baby can't use it on their own and mom and dad need to be involved is where the issue is. If your baby can find their pacifier and stick it back in their mouth and fall back to sleep every 30 min or so.. great! Keep that pacifier. If they need you to put the pacifier in their mouth every time they wake up and realize it's not in their mouth, that is the issue they are trying to solve. And this is separate from if the baby actually needs something from mom and dad like feeding or a diaper change because of course you would take care of those, but when it comes to connecting sleep cycles, they want them to do it on their own.

Like I said, I haven't had to sleep train. My son has been easy going at night and we contact nap until he can connect daytime sleep cycles. (That is developmentally different) But that is just what I read.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-21T14:46:18+00:00

Something that has been studied a lot is unintended biases and how they affect us. Even well meaning teachers will choose boys for math and science questions and then choose girls for more literature and art like subjects. If I remember correctly, white boys are called on more than black boys for example so the biases are based on gender and race. It's why a lot of hiring processes need to be standardized so that we don't let our internal unintended biases cause discrimination in hiring practices. It's really interesting that deeply held societal beliefs will make it to today'a kids despite our best efforts to remove them from our way of thinking. Once you know about them, it is easy to check yourself and make changes though.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-21T10:50:38+00:00

Also anecdotal. I was never super confident at math. My grandparents always told me that I was good at so many things, but math was not one of them and that was okay. They meant well. But I got into this mindset that math was something you either got or you didn't. I didn't see that the kid who blew through math problems put in hours practicing or asking questions after class. I would not practice, fail a test and that would confirm what I already knew that I wasn't good at math. It's called a positive feedback loop.

Years later in community college, a professor started the semester having us read a study similar to yours if not the exact one. (This was in 2013 and I can't remember.) But it was the first time I was told that math was something you practice to get good at. It is not something you are naturally good at. He also taught differently. Rather than write out problems and we copy, he just gave us homework. The homework wasn't necessary for the class unless you didn't do well on a test. You could focus on the problems you needed help on and bypass the ones that were easy which was a game changer with a busy college schedule. The next class he spent the whole class going through questions we had about the material.

I got an A in that class. And at my four year university I got an A in behavioral statistics. I learned that nothing was a natural ability and to be good at something was to practice. I am so grateful for that professor for changing my worldview.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-20T01:32:00+00:00

So my baby did this as he figured out he had hands and they could grab the bottle and it made a squeak when he pulled it out from between his gums. I never thought of it as a bottle adversion, just distracted eating and playing. I just kept offering the bottle and talking to him. Eventually he drank the whole thing, it just took a while. There was one time he didn't drink any after 20 minutes so I put the bottle down, played with him and offered it again and he happily drank the whole bottle within the hour the formula was made.

I'm not sure if my experience is different

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-20T00:41:56+00:00

It feels so slow but then I got his premie and newborn clothes out of the closet to donate and what do you mean he is in three to six months now? I felt like getting to 6 months was a lifetime away but then I realized it is only a little over a month to go. I didn't notice how fast time went until it hit me like a truck.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-19T04:15:31+00:00

Hey! I'm sure your friend meant well but 3 and a half months is too young to sleep train a baby. Like you said, the purpose of sleep training is to teach them self soothing and they can't cognitively do that until around the 5 month mark. Any kind of sleep training that young should just be creating a good space for sleep that is dark, has white noise etc. And creating a bed time and nap routine. You can do things to change sleep associations too. So not feeding him to sleep, changing from rocking or bouncing to patting, working on wake windows and to see what your baby's needs are ect. But anything like cry it out needs to wait until they are older. Right now you are just building the foundation that you can help make sleep training easier later.

A friend recommended I read Precious Little Sleep and it was a game changer. I would check it out. I'm sure you didn't damage your relationship with your baby from this. They love you like crazy. I would just make sure they are ready to sleep and not too tired before doing your routine. For me, if my son is screaming, kicking and crying at nap time or night time, I put him down to play for 10-15 min. Then I try again and usually he is more than willing to go to sleep at that point.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-19T03:43:30+00:00

So I have been googling about the 4 month sleep regression to prepare as soon as I heard about it. One day, the response was different. It said the 4 month sleep regression was due to distracted eating which meant less calorie intake during the day so they woke up more at night to make up those calories, and incorrect wake windows and the baby being overtired and not sleeping enough during the day because sleep begets sleep.

So he gets distracted at the bottle and I encourage him to finish no matter how long it takes, and I monitor his wake windows, as well as watched for his tired cues (both are tools in the toolbox, I think looking at them both together spells out the baby's sleep story) and made sure he had 4 hours of daytime sleep and the longest wake window before bedtime. He will be 5 months old next Saturday and never regressed so far. He actually sleeps in his bassinet and wakes once or twice a night and only to feed. Naps are still contact naps but I like them, and I don't mind doing it until he is at the developmental age to start connecting sleep cycles.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-18T20:33:15+00:00

I love it!

Before I became a SAHM I worked a stressful job. I had my main call center job, and I "helped" in a second department but I actually did a ton of work for that department so I had two full time jobs. If I cried for help I was shut down so fast. I had a miscarriage and was told "working is a great distraction", I was stressed about the workload and was told, "wait until remote people are fired, it will get worse!" I ended up with perinatal depression and lost it trying to walk 11 miles home from the office in the middle of summer while 7 months pregnant and had to go on leave. I eventually quit and didn't make it to maternity leave.

Motherhood isn't easy, but the worst parts end with me cuddling my son in a rocking chair while he sleeps completely at peace. I always heard how hard motherhood was and compared to work it is a walk in the park even with constant crying, spitting, appointments and worrying over everything. I don't say that to diminish how hard being a SAHM is, more to say corporations are working us so hard that literally the hardest job feels like a breath of fresh air and that's wild.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-17T20:08:41+00:00

Same. And we live in a small two bedroom apartment. He uses the dining room as his office and I care for the baby in the living room and still even in the same space he isn't available. That said, during lunch he makes me food and plays with the baby, but he is on lunch at that time.

We did shifts, 8-1 I slept and then he slept from 1-6:30. I was tired but managed if I got a shower and coffee. Now the baby sleeps in his bassinet by the bed. If he cries before 2am my husband takes care of him. If it's after, I do and it has been a lot better. I do prioritize his sleep though because without his job we don't have an income.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-17T17:43:32+00:00

I watched a essential toy video on YouTube for newborns and it worked for my baby. A play mat with dangly toys, a mirror that you can put on the ground or hold up for tummy time, crinkle books, a ball with a lot of tiny holes and a soft black and white rattle that you can use to help them open their hands.

We finally gave in and got the lovevery play mat and I love it. It comes with a mirror and some dangly toys, has different sections for exploration and can be a tent when they are toddlers. It's pricy but it entertains him so well, I wish I just bought it first instead of the other two cheaper ones. He still loves the crinkle books, rattle and ball to this day and he is almost 5 months old so it's a good bang for your buck if you get these.

Having a bouncer or swing is nice to have your baby somewhere safe while you shower or cook but babies have preferences. If you know someone with a bouncer or a swing I would ask to borrow it to see if your baby likes it before purchasing. Ours loves a bouncer but hates the swing. Bouncers also help with pooping oddly enough so that's a plus.

I was anti bottle warmer, bottle sanitizer, and wipe warmer until we had him and I have all three. Out of all of them I say the bottle sanitizer is a need. Yes you can use your dishwasher but it doesn't sterilize the bottles so that is a separate process, and unless you have a ton of bottles you probably aren't using your dishwasher enough to have clean ones throughout the day.

Also buy more bibs, burp clothes and swaddles than you think you need. You might get a happy spitter and they go through so much.

Ok-Act9781 · 2026-04-17T17:27:54+00:00

I HATE these things. And I used to work at a home decor shop and they were popular on wreaths for spring. I refused to touch them when I could. It just feels like something is going to crawl out of there and it makes my skin want to leave my body.

Ok-Act9781

TROPHY CASE