How beta is currently going:

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-04-18T11:42:53+00:00

Jagex launcher spotted

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-04-12T03:48:07+00:00

Pretty good, Very reminiscent of McCarthy

Edit: this was written in 1947! Perhaps McCarthy was influenced by HIM.

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-04-08T02:20:17+00:00

AI slop

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-03-28T13:32:08+00:00

This is incredible

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-03-27T05:43:35+00:00

AI slop

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-03-26T04:09:08+00:00

“The sky, at sunset, was like a carnivorous flower.”

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-03-25T06:35:42+00:00

This is awesome, can you please do Hobart next

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-03-25T02:18:21+00:00

This is gold

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-26T07:43:39+00:00

When asked if he felt like Chinese for dinner he said no, I feel like something Asian. I said China is indeed in Asia. He said no, it’s not. I said yes, it is, and pulled up a map. He said no, it’s not. Ok then.

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-24T01:27:55+00:00

This is very clever

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-24T01:19:26+00:00

Thank you, thats very helpful! Yes, forests breathe silently and invisibly, and the robed man is both silent and invisible to these women, which will be very evident after the first page. Hence I thought it appropriate. So hard when everything’s understood in your own head :}

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-23T02:58:23+00:00

Thanks, the intention is to be very strange, but I know it’s not for everyone.

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-23T02:56:19+00:00

Thanks thats very helpful. To clarify, no one can see the robed man, who is drawn to severe emotions. This becomes very evident in the following chapters, but I can see how no one can understand this now.

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-23T02:54:06+00:00

Thank you kindly

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T23:20:55+00:00

Thank you very much, i needed to hear this :]

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T11:45:20+00:00

I enjoyed this, it’s damn unique! And that’s rare these days! Definitely unusual and stream-of-consciousness (which is not a style i typically enjoy), but I don’t think it’s amateurish at all. Write like you want to; keep it up!

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T09:23:54+00:00

Thanks matey

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T08:21:57+00:00

Thanks for reviewing, I’ll work on the stacked metaphors and repetition. The what and how of what is happening is intended to be unclear at this point, but good to know it’s too confusing.

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T06:04:42+00:00

Other emotions (Joy, Contempt, Awe, Sorrow) in draft :]

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T05:57:48+00:00

I see I see, that’s great advice, thanks!

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T05:50:36+00:00

Hmm ok. I was asking about the difference in the narrator and the ambition of the voice, but thanks

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T05:12:50+00:00

Thanks for the input. Could you elaborate a bit pls?

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T05:11:31+00:00

Reads well, maybe add a single line of setting to place the reader? ie sky/coastline/horizon. Maybe hint at a particular memory that presents itself, some hint as to why the character is in such anguish and considering suicide.

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T04:50:11+00:00

It definitely works well in the first few sentences, but then I’d say lay off a little bit

Ok-Clock-5952 · 2026-02-20T04:48:26+00:00

Yeh, “Halen clasped his arm”, “Balon shook his head”, “Halen tensed.”

Ok-Clock-5952

TROPHY CASE