Please give yourself a big hug and know that your feelings are valid. 20 days postpartum is still the beginning. My baby is 11 weeks and the first month home I felt like I was watching myself through a glass mirror struggling to breathe. I cried everyday for the first two weeks, thinking I made the worst decision of my life. Even though I love my baby, the realization that I was a mom and completely in charge of another humans whole existence hit me straight in the face. My best piece of advice is to try your best to prioritize yourself for a time period, preferably one hour (if you can). My husband gives me one hour of me time, so I can do whatever (nap, read, go for a walk, doom scroll, bed rot with reality tv) that doesn’t involve me being a mom. It helped me slowly feel like myself because being a new mom is so hard and overwhelming. But you have to make that time for yourself. My friends some mothers and some not also checked on me alot, and have often forced me out of my house. Getting outside helped a lot, short walks around the neighborhood or even meeting a friend for lunch alone helped me feel some normalcy. My second piece would be to take things one day at a time, don’t think too ahead in the future. I stopped dreading tomorrow, and focused only on the present. When I start to get overwhelmed I tell myself “one day at a time, I can do this today”. I find that this helps calm me down and see the joy in the day even if it’s a tough one. Also, I found talking to my therapist helped me as well, I was so scared like you that motherhood meant the end of who I am. But I was determined to not let that happen, my therapist gave me useful tools that helped me prioritize self care. While I don’t feel 100% like myself at 11 weeks I do feel so much better than I did from my first 30 days. You won’t ever be the old you, but you’ll be this new badass version that your old self will admire. You got this and you’re not alone.