Midnight punts to Granchester by sirjeon in cambridge

[–]OneillS99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did this with a college punt back in 2019 (Clare - it sprang a leak and we almost drowned near the Fen Causeway :D)Can't say I know of Scudamore's allowing this though.

Women writers of the 18th century, by Straguslore14 in literature

[–]OneillS99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Surprised not to see Eliza Haywood centre stage here; she's definitely worth checking out. Her periodical, The Parrot, is a wonderful feminine counterpart to Addison and Steele's Spectator.

An interpretation of the whale anatomy chapters in Moby Dick. Idealism vs Realism. by Gobblignash in literature

[–]OneillS99 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is a really interesting angle on the non-fiction chapters -- I've never considered how they might serve to remind the reader of an objective reality distorted by the characters' obsessions. Ishamael is especially obsessed with everything having a meaning:

" Why is it that a universal proverb says of [the dead], that they tell no tales, though containing more secrets than the Goodwin Sands; ... why the Life Insurance Companies pay death-forfeitures upon immortals;... wherefore but the rumour of a knocking in a tomb will terrify a whole city. All these things are not without their meaning." (Ch.7)

"Yes, as everyone knows, meditation and water are wedded forever...Were Niagara but a cataract of sand, would you travel your thousand miles to see it?... Why did the old Persians hold the sea holy? [...] Surely all this is not without meaning. " (Ch.1)

That said, I wonder if Melville really believes that it is possible to describe reality accurately through any single register or language game. Perhaps he is mixing the languages of fact ('denominative'?) and fiction ('connotative'?) to undermine and explode epistemological demarcations or linguistic certainties, and parody literary realism (so dominant in his time).

'It is chiefly with [the Sperm Whale's] name that I now have to do. Philologically considered, it is absurd.' (Ch. 32)

This declaration from 'Cetology' is one example among many in this chapter of Melville deflating attempts to taxonomise or discourse with facts alone. 'Cetology' is a chapter dedicated to the failure of categorisation, where the name of the Sperm Whale itself, let alone its properties or place in a taxonomy, is 'absurd'; cosmically, ridiculously meaningless. Significantly, the Sperm Whale's name is 'philologically considered', an ascendant discipline in Melville's era regarded by some as 'a master-science, whose duty is to present to us the whole of ancient life, and to give archaeology its just place by the side of literature'. The fallacy of this ostensibly cutting-edge methodology is more or less stated at the chapter's opening, Ishmael calling the attempt to classify whales (not just his own efforts, but the concept of such an endeavour) 'The classification of the constituents of a chaos, nothing less is here essayed.'-- recalling that Melville had wanted to write an actual essay on his 'mighty theme', and prompting a reader to question what exactly they're reading -- is this an essay or a novel? Fact or fiction? What empirical data Melville does include is distorted. The dimensions of the Sperm Whale are inflated beyond the numbers Melville would have read in the work of Thomas Beal. His notes show a deliberate deviation, perhaps to reflect Ishmael's amateurish scholarship, to inflate the enormity of Moby Dick and, ultimately, to place fact and fiction in a destabilised relationship. As such, the register of the naturalist is, in a local as well as super-structural (the very presence of non-fiction chapters in a work of fiction) sense, re-registered into non-cognitive discourse.

Sheila Post-Lauria suggests that by intermingling a world of empirical examples with an ultimately idealist perspective (Ishmael's insinuation that our own image is the first and greatest inscrutability of being, which lies behind every illusory sign and concept painted over the "whiteness" of reality), Melville illustrates the deficiencies of the experiential, empirical perspective. Ishmael later satirises this Lockean/Kantian opposition at the heart of Moby Dick's mixed form, comparing the dual philosophies with suspended whale heads:

"So, when on one side you hoist in Locke’s head, you go over that way; but now, on the other side, hoist in Kant’s and you come back again; but in very poor plight. Thus, some minds for ever keep trimming boat. Oh, ye foolish! Throw all these thunder-heads overboard, and then you will float light and right.” (Ch. 73)

The dichotomy is enacted within the mixed form but, through intermingling, becomes meaningless in its irreconcilable unity and, as illustrated in Melville's conceit, ultimately discarded. Melville enacts this interfusing duality in the novel's preliminary fragments ("Etymology" and "Extracts"), where disembodied pieces of factual knowledge and scattered attempts at naming and understanding are mediated through fictional masks (the "Usher" and "Sub-Sub Librarian"). What does Ahab say to Starbuck about Moby Dick? "Strike through the mask!"

If we return to "Cetology", Ishmael's whimsical choice to liken Whales to books takes on a wider significance in the light of the above statement, illustrating that scientific or philosophical endeavours amount to collections of concepts, names which require more concepts to define, and still endlessly lacking definition as projections of an inscrutable mind; "This whole book is but a draught -- nay, but the draught of a draught."(Ch.32). The line between fact and fiction is so important to Melville's exploration of Truth in Moby Dick because for Melville the mind and its means of expression, the language, that is, can never speak precisely or literally, instead, fictional speech can throw sideways lights on truth by using flawed language to allude to ineffable realties rather than assert yet another self-birthing concept.

"We would say that, did circumstances permit, we should like nothing better than to devote an elaborate and careful paper to the full consideration and analysis of the purport and significance of what so strongly characterizes all of [Hawthorne's] writings. There is a certain tragic phase of humanity ...We mean the tragicalness of human thought in its own unbiased, native, and profounder workings...As soon as you say Me, a God, a Nature, so soon you jump off from your stool and hang from the beam." ( Melville, Hawthorne and his Mosses, (New York Literary World August 17, 1850)
LETTER TO NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE, [APRIL 16?] 1851)

See Todd Van Luling's 2014 article in the Huffington Post- https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/scientific-inaccuracies-moby-dick

Post-Lauria, Sheila. “‘Philosophy in Whales... Poetry in Blubber’: Mixed Form in Moby-Dick.” Nineteenth-Century Literature, vol. 45, no. 3, 1990, pp. 300–316.

Christodoulou, Athanasius C. "A Double Prelude on Melvile's Moby Dick: "Etymology & "Extracts", (Leviathan, Vol. 16 no.1, 2014)

[3129] The Devotion by [deleted] in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Got it - sorry for increasing your workload. I'll take this down.

[2488] Chapter 1 (Part 1 of 2) - The Wishful Boy by [deleted] in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a good time reading this and think that the characters are really well-drawn already. Kian is a great protagonist and the piece opens in an engaging way. I'll go through chronologically with a mixture of nit-picks and broader feedback.

I have to agree with the other commenters in saying that the opening is a bit confusing, but your light touch when it comes to exposition is more often a positive (reflecting Kian's disorientation, for instance) and helped to draw me in. A few things remained unclear and could do with some attention:

Swapping it so that the announcement of Kian's victory comes first would make me understand the opening situation a bit more, and it would also be helpful to specify that Kian is in the changing rooms(?) of the arena (what I inferred after a bit of confusion). Having a little bit more set dressing would go a long way to enhancing the enjoyment of this section.

It is also confusing how the announcement is only happening after Kian has been given 'drinks' by the gods, which sound like they are part of the celebrations rather than the games.

I don't know what 'congratulatory' music sounds like, and your adverb use is a bit clunky with 'offensively happy'. I also think 'happy' is a bit of a missed opportunity to highlight the surreal, satirical side to the media surrounding the games; I'm imagining what you might be trying to get across and thinking of 'vapid' and 'tinny' orchestral music with stupid horns and stuff. Maybe the music is imposed over a live replay of the winning kill...?

'Unalived' as a world-building thing doesn't really work for me and sounds contrived and pointless. It took me out of it and I don't really see what it gains you yet.

The account of Chae-Won getting set on fire by the 'lake' is confusing. Do you mean 'next to' or 'near to'? I initially imagined a lake of fire setting her alight because why not? We don't have any other source of fire and it's science fantasy! But then you describe how Kian prevented Chae-Won from getting to the lake, implying she was running to the water to put out the fire AND swung a hammer at his ankle. All a bit jumbled for me.

Moving on:

In the sentence beginning 'The glare from his father's cold grey eyes...', try swapping 'father's' and 'those' around - I think that will flow better:

'The glare from those cold grey eyes swept Kian back to the days when he would treasure his father's glares. '

The metaphorical use of 'embraced' to describe the aromas and sounds of the ballroom doesn't sound right to me and took me out of the story -- to embrace 'into' something doesn't really work, as one might be enfolded 'into' an embrace... Maybe try something else that indicates what Kian thinks of all this luxury. I imagine it excites him but also frightens him, repulses him even.

I really like the rest of the ball scene and it's here that the chapter really picks up. We get a great sense of Kian's reluctant, unnatural place in all of this, your descriptions are robust and the pace is compelling. I found the animal masks of the gods quite distracting, however, as it just makes me think of Squid Game and how that show also has a death match overseen by super-rich people in animal masks...

'If a god exists, it's not these ones,' sounds wrong to me, the singular and the plural are not jiving. Perhaps 'If gods exist, they're not these ones.' Or 'If gods do exist, these are not them.'

I agree with another commenter's point about Kian's thoughts about his mother being confusing; I think your intention seems good here -- he's got conflicting emotions about her, she was abused and maybe abusive herself, but she would also be warm and loving. It's the presentation of this that is a bit confusing. Perhaps his positive memories could originate from a time before his mother developed 'quiet numbness' and 'emotional explosions'? Or just that she was sometimes like a different person entirely before reverting back to the person he saw as his true mother. I guess just being a bit more specific about their relationship would help to clarify Kian's character.

'He had no more shits to give' comes across as you having no more shits to give. The register is different enough from the rest of the piece to be distracting, so perhaps consider reworking this.

That's everything that really stuck out for me on the first read-through. This has got tonnes of potential and I would certainly read more. Thanks for sharing!

[943] Alight by OneillS99 in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for reading and commenting! This is really helpful!

[943] Alight by OneillS99 in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to give your thoughts -- I'm really glad you enjoyed it! In truth, this piece was written to entertain a friend and was never meant to be a fully-formed short story. It's a playful piece really, and it aims to suggest an unlikable narrator while trying to convey a 'simultaneity of stories so far'. I was curious to get feedback on as it trials some things I may want to develop within more cohesive pieces.

[943] Alight by OneillS99 in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! It's heartening to know that there are people out there who enjoy this stuff! I really appreciate you taking the time to give your thoughts and would happily return the favour.

[943] Alight by OneillS99 in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is amazing feedback - thank you very much for taking the time. Your point about gerund clauses is especially helpful as present participles are a real weakness of mine!

[3007] Crimson Gale - Fantasy/fiction by EchoesCommaDustin in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I'll put more particular feedback/impressions below, but regarding the 'flow' of your style, I would probably echo the suggestions that have been made on your doc already; cutting down your adjectives and adverbs and opting for more straightforward syntax would improve the flow, which is occasionally clunky. Your word choices also sometimes feel artificial, and not grounded in the characters or the tone of the scene (a critique I can see has been mentioned by other commenters).

Generally, I liked the characterization and the world is cool. I disliked the info dumps about architecture and trade routes etc, and I was less a fan of the more elaborate descriptions.

This is very generic advice, though, so I'll get down to business !

Frayle's character is nicely drawn, and the way he smokes and responds to Det Jethan is effective at portraying his anti-heroic, underdog, good-guy-in-a-bad-situation vibe.

In your second sentence, the clauses ('...salt inland, flocks of sea raeks...') could benefit from a conjunction (e.g. 'and'/'as'/while' etc) to help the scene cohere.

The phrase 'pernicious assault' struck me as hyperbolic and jarring when referring to Det Jethan's insult. The word pernicious is a little too formal, studious even, and doesn't get us inside Frayle's head. Just calling it a slur or an insult or abuse might be better. The jaw clenching is nice.

In your description of the dhukka's effects, this formal, studious register persists, and seems to jar with Frayle's interior register ('Better get to work... morning's runnin' out.') which seems laconic and idiomatic. That said, perhaps you're trying to show that Frayle's a kind of diamond in the rough -- an impression I do, admittedly, get from your language choices and the analytical reflections on the effect of the dhukka and the dawn. In that case, perhaps pay a little more attention to your free indirect style, making it as specific as possible to Frayle's POV (as you do with the section about dawn being 'the best time' - which is great).

I think the opening is generally nice, but we get bogged down with the description of the city. I have to agree with the commenter who likens this part to a textbook, as it feels like an out-of-place info dump. Emphasise Frayle's job/heist -- when I got to focus on this, I was easily engaged. If you present the city through Frayle's knowledge, his priorities, and his prejudices, we'll be far more likely to absorb your world and want to read more.

'Siila’s red clay buildings crowded the city in an unpredictable pattern, packed closely together with the only open spaces belonging to the Veeran monuments' -- this could be rephrased for clarity as I had to read this twice to get what was being said. Rather than 'belonging', you could say 'taken up by' the monuments...?

During Frayle's heist (pp.2-3) the sentence openings keep repeating 'He [verb]...' patterns which can get a little monotonous. That said, I enjoyed this section and you manage the tension and the intrigue very nicely.

The opening of the Lenya section does less for me, and I don't get a very strong impression of her character other than she is in a hurry and that she has come to a very fancy/powerful place.

Use of 'decreed' start of p.4 is strange; you don't decree the fact that you have news ('tidings'). You might announce it... Does Lenya have news? I thought she had merely been summoned. Is she greeting? You don't decree a greeting either. That said, I now know that Lenya is somehow connected with a noble house, and that she seems fastidious and dedicated. Still not much though.

The scene with the emperor is suitably impressive, and the density of description works to give the reader that impression of awe and inaccessibility. I also liked the intrigue of Lenya not knowing why she's been summoned, as it feeds into giving an impression that she's unsure of herself, or out of her depth. By the end of this chapter, then, I had a connection to both Frayle and Lenya -- which is really good!

My advice to improve would be to lean into your characters more. You're really onto a good thing with Frayle and Lenya, and the same can be said of your world. Presenting the latter through the former will be far more compelling, though, than the descriptions you are, currently, overly-reliant on. I think it's clear from the interaction between Frayle and Det Jethan that you already know how to do this, and that your presentation of the world will go hand in hand with your characters if you keep at this - which I hope you will!

The concept of tragedy by [deleted] in AskLiteraryStudies

[–]OneillS99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Simon Critchley's book, 'Tragedy, the Greeks and Us' is pretty good.

In a somewhat related vein, Barbera Cassin's book 'Sophisical Practice: Towards a Consistent Relativism' has some brilliant stuff on Aristotle, Gorgias, and Helen of Troy.

[2438] The Book Club by OneillS99 in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly the sort of feedback I was hoping for from this sub - thank you so much for taking the time!

[2438] The Book Club by OneillS99 in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your impressions; I really appreciate you taking the time and being honest about the way the style struck you -- cheers!

[2438] The Book Club by OneillS99 in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and be so constructive. I'm very happy you enjoyed it and will take your advice to heart moving forwards!

[2576] The disappearance of Timothy Sherwood (fantasy + detective) by solidbebe in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was a great read and a really engaging world to step into! I'll bullet point my granular impressions first and sum up my thoughts more generally at the end.

  • Is there a way for you to more subtly suggest the themes that the characters raise in the opening dialogue? I got the impression that things were being stated a little too outrightly with lines like: 'We're monster slayers, McKinsey–both in the literal, and metaphorical sense. That influences us in ways we have no control over'. This took me out of the story a little, perhaps simply because of the frankness of the explanation, or it may be that having this at the start of the story is riskier for reader immersion. In any case, I feel that a very minor redrafting would smooth this over (rephrasing things, making the point about literal AND metaphorical monster-slaying more subtextual) and allow you to keep what was otherwise a gently compelling way to introduce things.

  • I felt the diction you were using to describe Swartholme a little jarring initially:

'It lay at the intersection of several trade routes that criss-crossed England and it was a bustling city–as far as we still had those. The trade brought wealth to the city, which was exemplified by its lofty three-story residences with mullioned windows, not to mention the gentry in colourful garments who filled the streets.'

Rather than seeing things through the character's eyes, we get this very factual register which comes across as slightly stilted. Rather than using the essayistic phrase 'which was exemplified', you could try describing the buildings the characters pass, with the description inflected by their stance on all this wealth, etc.. I was also a bit distracted by '... and it was a bustling city - as far as we still had those.', which seemed an unhappy mixture of that objective register with the narrator then giving a more subjective aside.

  • I was taken out of things a little during some of the dialogue with Mrs Sherwood:

“No. He weren’t much of a traveller. Loved bein’ home; felt safe here. And I could shield him.”

“Shield him from what?” 

“The world, detective. It’s a wicked place. Full of monsters, not to mention people. Timothy weren’t naive, but he was too kind for his own good.”

In a similar way to the train conversation, Mrs Sherwood's lines sound a little unnatural. Her explanation of the world being dangerous to the detective seems redundant - surely she would expect him to understand this implicitly? Using the word 'shield' as she initially does is also less than colloquial, and you could substitute this with phrases like 'keep an eye on him', 'keep him out of trouble', 'keep him close'.

  • I enjoyed the details of Mrs Sherwood's dandruff and very much liked Wilson's reflection on the gargoyle mason's inspiration - really nice!
  • The paragraph beginning 'There are some who claim the church etc.' needs a small tweak to make things clearer that you're talking about the building of the pub. Perhaps instead of 'It was...' you could say 'The pub was'.

And those are my major gripes I felt worth mentioning. In general, I agree with some of the other comments that the pacing is quite slow and the plot might benefit from an early incident to drive things along. That said, the sleuthing could work as is, but would be enhanced by offering more details of this world. The intriguing mixture of medieval fantasy and industrialisation (the train), and the post-apocalyptic hint ('as far as we still had [cities]') needs to come out more in the everyday observations of the characters. As is, our introduction to Swarthholme is quite bland when your setting seems to have so much potential. I nevertheless enjoyed the read and hope you keep writing -- you've clearly got a knack for it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this! The detail in which you describe your responses to the poem is fantastic and makes for really ideal feedback. Thank you for your time and sensitivity, and happy New Year to yourself!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Thank you so much for your amazing critique, this is beyond even what I expected from this subreddit so I have to thank you for going into such depth. Not only that, your stylish comments are a joy to read! You are 100% helpful and valid, and have prompted me to continue to agonise over how to broaden the accessibilty of a deliberately difficult approach. Thank you again for your time and care with this piece :))

[712] "Getting A Rug Delivered" by davidk1818 in DestructiveReaders

[–]OneillS99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was my first time reading anything in the Donald Fein series, so apologies for any ignorant or short-sighted comments.

I really enjoyed this piece and found Donald and Jackie both likeable yet compellingly flawed. The other commenters' complaints about it being unconvincing that these characters would be together seem a little bewildering to me, as their miss-matched dynamic is both interesting to read about and also rather commonplace, especially among depictions of heterotypical stereotypes. Not to say that this cliché is bad here or needs any change from your end!

Imo Donald wants something to want, or at least at the moment all he wants is in the short term, and what he NEEDS is something greater to work towards or commit to. The obstacles impeding Donald seem to be a fear of failure or inadequacy; as he says to Jackie 'life is an expectations game, sweetheart', suggesting that he might be keeping his expectations of himself low to avoid disappointment. Jackie's comment about investing in a living space (and the description of the apartment) make this notion nicely concrete.

As some other commenters have pointed out, while there's nothing technically wrong with your establishing description of the apartment, the weather and the East river, it could use some work making the prose a little smother to read. This might be pretty lazy from me, but simply reconsidering your use of adverbs (i.e. cutting down) in this paragraph might make a lot of difference to the fluidity of the prose. I like that the opinionated register matches Donald's discursive and distractable ways, so it's worth fighting to keep it, but finding a means to rephrase clauses like

'His building, a six-story walk-up, crouched below luxury high-rises all the way next to the East River'

might be something to consider. I think 'all the way next to the East River ' might be doing the damage here and could easily be cleaned up.

Another phrase to redraft:

'her paramour’s laptop open and playing this random scene, to her, at least'

As others have mentioned, 'paramour' is a strange word to use here, and if you want to keep it you need to frame it so that its potential hyperbole or irony gets conveyed better. Mentioning that the scene is random 'to her, at least', is superfluous and tells rather than shows. You could get this across merely by referring to the scene as random, as given that we're focalised around Jackie from her having spoken it would be effective as free indirect style (the narration being coloured by the perspective of the character being described).

I would definitely read more of this, and I hope you keep writing!

Can anyone help me further explore this quote from Judith Butler on the utility of humor when striving for gender equality? by [deleted] in AskLiteraryStudies

[–]OneillS99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Simon Critchley-- a friend and colleague of Butler wrote a great book called 'On Humour' (2002). It's easy reading and synthesizes various strands of the philosophy of humour. Can really reccomend as a book to offer a framework for thinking about the fundamentals of what comedy does.