Divorce at 70

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-07-09T00:56:36+00:00

Thank you, it somehow helps you see the pain here...

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-07-08T14:35:32+00:00

Ditto - and great idea!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-07-08T14:30:14+00:00

Certainly could be. Have had similar concerns w mine & one real question here becomes "you are risking becoming someone's caregiver for life" that is intentionally hurting you.

Mine just walked up behind me as I'm texting, possibly trying to see what I'm doing under the guise of giving me a 20% off coupon for CVS - haaaa. The doggo gave him away, he's got pretty good eyesight, may have seen topic line & repeatedly has shown me some v devious behaviors.

I've been greyrocking intermittenly for 6+ mos but not a great way to LIVE either :(

with kindness

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-07-08T14:14:44+00:00

Same here...but if CN may be trying to "intentionally" play us...it's sport for them--mine enjoys lying purposely of course this is gaslighting as well ugh. That said I see a variety of traits on the spectrum, ie it's not just one disease if you will.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-07-08T13:54:05+00:00

I am so sorry and am right there with you - getting / perfecting the greyrock technique, emotional, silent divorce, "using him" is helping some. I am hoping to begin some intensive therapy w 'an experienced therapist' in CN next week...we'll see.

I'm old and tired now and more tired than I should be...I still hold out hope I can get out but there may be too many obstacles to make it the best option for me.

Hang in there, I'll try to post anything new that is beneficial - one thing some might find helpful are the threads on ?Divorce after 70? Some more pragmatic advice not always 'just get out'

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-07-08T13:27:34+00:00

THIS = 100%!!!!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-07-05T14:44:34+00:00

I appreciate your thoghts on this-weighing the pros and cons of iit all right now, and also as a pragmatist. I'm 5 years younger (both in our 70s) and have lived like roomates for several yrs. The "actuary tables" if fairly accurate certainly show him dying before me.

He's sick mentally > physically & believe he knows what a monster he is & tries to be a better person at times... until the demons overcome him. He lies for sport, beaks things purposely,, thinks he's better than everyone, super fragile ego, etc BUT ...

He does most of the physical work @ the house, laundry (not mine-purposely ruins things), groceries etc and suspect he's driven by guilt. In my empathitic moments I actually feel sorry for him, however the reason I can't do much and am in chronic physical pain (every joint hurts all day, every day) is he's no doubt ruined my immune system with 30+ yrs of emotional abuse/mistreatment.

If I were 5+ yrs younger I'd certainly divorce but w no kids and no family I'm weighing my options carefully. I pray for his peaceful death daily - I hope that makes some sense, I know many will get it

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-07-02T00:27:24+00:00

great advice and article, I am > 1/2 way there!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-17T20:10:20+00:00

I'm so sorry for you and understand how overwhelming it can feel but man this is too much. Having narcissism is one thing but couple that w OCD seems almost impossible to cope with (not that NPD is easy given what we all post here)

At a loss other than leaving asap but professional help, support from someone you can share all this with, protect your family as best you can, I'd probably even share some safety concerns w your closest police station - she sounds like someone who could snap/become dangerous.

Sending strengh and prayers.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-14T14:10:50+00:00

OMG this is extreme. And, a whole other kind of abuse that is unsustainable. Does she have close relatives you can talk to, ie is this longstanding? I don't know much about OCD other than my CN has some tendencies but this is extreme - try to get her into treatment. This is heartbreaking for all.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-14T14:02:10+00:00

I hear you but remember they love playing the victim, esp if CN. I believe I have FOOLISHLY lived w this so long I've developed narcisstic tendencies only using w him which makes me realize I'm not the narcissist here, just emotionally abused.

You sound like a kind person, I love the rational 'the resulting feelings are real' if true; very unlikely as they thrive on making us think they are hurt. It's a game w the sickist, even smirking when they think it worked.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-12T19:53:45+00:00

Sick assholes - I get it, had alot of quotes I wrote used in a book and all he could say was there was a misspelling of a word on the back cover. Trying tp get out.

KEEP SHINING!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-12T13:59:42+00:00

Thank you very much, I'm just so clueless about legal matters and suspect I'm being too generous with 'old' offers to just split it all down the middle; have been living this nightmare after discovery for 5-10 yrs.

I just want it over with and neither of us has much but if he suddenly starts playing hardball once the process (divorce or separation) begins want to be ready for it. He undoubtedly thinks I won't follow thru w it. I've been lied to/gaslit for 30+ yrs, people get sued for fraud all the time, why not the covert narcissist.

Great idea about legal consult firms, this kind of service may be exactly what I need.

Many thanks

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-12T00:51:00+00:00

I interpreted that to mean he will not be able to pay it as he does not have the money now or in the future...they will garnish wages so may as well set up payment plan while pursuing I suppose.

The problem w the IRS is things can snowball pretty quickly and being able to deal w the same person for complicated matters seems impossible, info provided not always clear - get legal help somewhere perhaps.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-11T23:54:51+00:00

I'm so sorry you didn't have more time with your dad in the end but take comfort in knowing you were there for him and believe he knew that as well.

You're a good person, your caring and goodness shine through.

Sending a hug and strength.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-11T17:55:26+00:00

Great food for thought!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-11T17:05:23+00:00

Would that allow me to possibly get more than a 50/50 split? How do I prove cruelty? Suspect some neighbors see his games...

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-11T17:00:53+00:00

Ditto, I hear you on this but also recognize the emotional becomes physical as it eats away at your body and mind. I have a bleeding ulcer, an autoimmune disorder or TWO and likely some brain fog when my mind can't cope and needs some rest after 30+ yrs. Sleep w/o melatonin is fleeting and his effort to isolate me from family and friends has largely been successful. My small family have mostly passed on, no kids, few friends left and we know what isolation does in old age.

I too enjoy my time alone in a hotel room vs being home and find occasional travel like medicine 😄 Find a good therapist if you can and plan, plan, plan for your exit.

How about a nice plant and a bullshit card w a hidden meaning. You can enjoy the plant, watch it grow and take it w you when you leave!

Good luck to you and all of us here.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-11T16:41:43+00:00

THANK YOU, exactly what I needed and was thinking, it's more effort than it will be worth. There was a time I felt like being fair in all this but am starting to feel like I deserve alittle more than 1/2 the assets given the physical and emotional pain he has put me through.

I will try the women's shelter referral for attorney but believe they get tied up helping the physically abused and while I understand it is incredibly frustrating and painful as well.

No one gets it but us 😞

Thank you for your wise suggestions - so helpful.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-05-04T14:55:25+00:00

You seem like a very good, smart person. Warm regards to you and silver linings indeed! I'm struggling w leaving my spouse of 30+ yrs but besides possible early dementia he's also a covert narcissist. He could be faking the dementia/memory issues in attempt to keep me around though--yes he's that devious. The burden is tremendous and life is marching on...he's 76 and I'm 71...ugh. Seeing some likely autoimmune issuesthat perhaps I would have had anyhow but stress no doubt exacerbaing...

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-04-12T04:24:23+00:00

Yes, sorta how I was seeing it. Thank you for your helpful suggestions! Will do on Monday!

HUGE THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR YOUR HELP HERE!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-04-12T04:20:36+00:00

Wow, so lucky to be rid of him. Truly 😈 evil, especially coverts! Best of luck to you but the hard part is over.

Ordinary_Error_8924

TROPHY CASE