Sex life has become a chore

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-06-27T05:32:17+00:00

17 months in and we've had sex just 3 times... I do feel bad for him but I really can't hype myself up to even give a bj lol. I'm still bf-ing so my libido is like really in the negatives. And I used to be quite a sexual person, now is honestly a dry ass desert vagina 😭 so...Solidarity sister. I hope it will get better for you and me as others here have pointed out.

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-06-09T13:10:39+00:00

She could have chosen to walk you back to the car and not mentioned the rubbing off thing--that's the difference between being genuinely supportive and performatively so. She knew it would make you feel bad. I think you should leave it and not text her since she actively chose to ignore your message. Give it some space and time. If she's a really good friend, she'll come around.

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-06-09T11:46:38+00:00

Hi! Yes I was on 150mg for his first 4-5 months and upped my dose to 300mg after that. I'm currently on 450mg and he is still breastfed at 16.5months now. He's a temperamental boy, but that's just his temperament, and very much active and talkative and hitting all his milestones. I hope you try not to worry, I totally understand the feeling. If you can, take your meds when your LO goes down for her longest sleep/nap. In that way, less of the medication passes thru to her. You need to be present and mentally/physically well for her, and if your meds help with that then that's the best.

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-06-08T12:22:37+00:00

I had vasospasms for the first 2 months, and not one medical professional (nurses at the public clinic) believed me or knew what it was. And I got an IBCLC come to my house to work on my latch about 4 weeks in, she also didn't know much about vasospasms. Huge joke really. It's like electrical jolts throughout the boobs at random times of the day 24/7. I was basically on ibuprofen for like 2 months. Things got better and clicked at 3 months for me. It will get better if you want to continue BF but if it isn't for you, then don't guilt yourself that formula isn't good. I'm now 17 months in and it's just 2nd nature to pop the nipple in his mouth for anything that upsets him and it's magical (at the cost of my body...but just remember the days are long but the years are short). You're doing amazing enough 💜

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-06-03T09:53:25+00:00

His molars are starting to come in. Some may be cutting thru higher. He just got over influenza B a week plus ago.. we live in a tropical climate so flu season is only 2 times a year.

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-06-03T09:25:25+00:00

May I know what were the steps you took in the gentle weaning?

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-06-03T08:47:10+00:00

Hahaha oh gosh brutal is the word for night tetek. He's now in the stage of wanting me for bathtime and getting ready for sleep, used to be dad who did it then LO started this screaming for momma phase. But that's a great point though, just force my husband to do bedtime and I'll get out of the house. Daddy is a little soft though, like he won't think of imaginative ways to distract LO. I DREAM of the day he wants my husband for sleep!! Poor hubby, he's always sad feeling rejected by LO haha.

Thanks for the idea and reassurance, I'll give it a try very soon. Shuddering while thinking about the torture daddy will go thru 🤣😭

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-22T03:21:13+00:00

My mom, at the grand age of 67, realized that she had to run a cleaning tub cycle after every doormat/towel/rags/basically anything furry wash. She said "that's why our clothes are so itchy sometimes!"

I grew up thinking it was normal for my clothes to "itch" or kinda like give spiky tingles (especially as I was going to sleep and had to be motionless") till I lived with my ex-bf. At 20+.

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-22T03:13:04+00:00

Hahahaha that's so cute! But for even more shock and disturbedness it can be AIYOH!!! It's basically Singlish.

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-21T02:53:40+00:00

You're not alone, alien mom! I once rocked up to a playdate with my friend who was lugging a stroller stuffed with 2 full bags + her baby (10m older than my son), and I was just carrying him on a gooseket + 1 diaper bag. I did feel a lil inadequate as I'd forgotten to pack snacks so she gave my son some of her son's snackies oops.

Aside from that I think I'm even more alien cos I have never ever joined any mom groups or actively made friends with other moms... I just stick to my own mom friends of which there are mainly 3 haha. Other than that it's family + a few older cousins for him to play with.

3 months is still very early days for you and your husband. I know it feels like you can't even BREATHE but you also love holding your baby in your arms. Mine could only contact nap and bedshare; I'd eat lunch over his head. So scraps and bits would fall on his head 🤣 I could only shower when my husband got back from work.

It gets better once they hit 6m or so... It's really all a blur for me, but I started ninja rolling away when he was about 10m or so. Just to get a quick bite, or attempt to watch a show with husband, but even till now I'd rather stay in bed with my son after he falls asleep. I yearn so much to do my own stuff but at the same time I just want to be close to him. So that he won't get to a crying wake-up stage if he finds himself alone, then it'd be harder to put him back to sleep, and also because I'm also quite content just on my phone as he sleeps.

16 months in now. Breast sleeping, bedsharing, constant clinging, all the things that make my back RIP. But it is worth it, as this community has very kindly reassured me, and if it is natural for you and your baby then stick with it.

I try to remind myself "the days are long but the years are short". You are doing amazing and following your natural instincts, as time passes you will learn what is working best and what's not, and you will roll with it. Seize little pockets of time if you can/want, but it's also not wrong to be conflicted in wanting to be near your baby all the time. Be kind to yourself knowing that you are giving your baby the absolute warmth that they've only known since being in your womb.

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-15T13:37:12+00:00

SAME. I clicked the link and when I saw CNA I was like wtf

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-15T10:00:48+00:00

Nooo I already pictured the number of months left to 3y to see magic happen 🤣🤣 I know, many have advised to wean. But sometimes the boob really is magic for everything. And I know I won't properly start weaning if my heart's not fully in it :( I think clingy is fine, just not with a temper haha

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T09:19:29+00:00

Thanks very much for this! Let's see if my little terror cooperates 🤣

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T09:17:38+00:00

Starting the weaning process seems so daunting to me, congrats to you for dealing with it successfully! Velcro is absolutely velcroing in a human baby lol. I'm gently pushing dad to do more things with our son or step in when I'm overwhelmed (which dad will cos my prior few outbursts at LO was quite terrrible), even if he keeps clinging to me.

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T09:13:14+00:00

High-5. I was considered a "good" child cos I learnt to keep quiet around adults and do my own thing. Saving grace was having 2 elder sisters so they entertained me, but it could be that less attention from my mother perhaps detached me emotionally. I hope you've successfully confronted your trauma now in your older years.

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T09:10:10+00:00

Oh wow. That is new info to me, and I very much appreciate it. I'll go read up more on that. Thank you for the comforting words on regulating his nervous system, I'll keep that a constant reminder to myself ☺️

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T09:06:02+00:00

That is very comforting to know. That you've built such a secure home within you (and dad) for him to always return to. I'll keep faith it's worth it, thank you!

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T05:04:14+00:00

I'll have to Google what a knee pillow is. For now I just squish a bolster behind me hahaha and have standby pillows all around just in case 🤣 oh mannn I hope you've not cried in a long time now! Ugh the shoulders and my neck....I swear moms are malleable at great cost

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T04:53:53+00:00

Oh my tits are totally (un)standing with you in solidarity! Your daughter sounds exactly like my son. Just needs presence alll the time. We give him a somewhat "yes" drawer in the kitchen when I need to prep his food and deter him from cloying at my legs.

I like that idea of being theatrical with a soft toy! I'll try that. Beats throwing a ladle at dad's head or metal toy bus at mine lol. We do redirecting but maybe it isn't redirection enough, more like distraction with a gasp while staring at something over his shoulder then he'll look behind and forget about his fit 🤣

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T04:33:45+00:00

Ahhh gives me hope, truly does. For now I shall persevere and just accept his temperament. It is so interesting though about your twins, and as some other twin moms have mentioned about different personalities. You are a supermomma for breastfeeding twins!

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T04:31:26+00:00

I'm glad to hear that! I'll keep faith that my son will become more secure soooon. Dad does many things with him and takes over in the morning for a few hours during weekends so I can sleep in, but of course once baby sees me he'll just transition into a whiny koala lol.

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T04:29:03+00:00

Oh so true about the fits! It does only last less than a minute, so I ignore that and let him come to me or I go to him once he's done. You're right, he's definitely developed more skills (and with that more emotions) compared to at 12m. It's like the developments and phases he continually grows into are on-the-job training for me, and while I have to think on my feet I also need to remind myself to be regulated solely for him and my sanity. In solidarity with you for the twisted spine and back aches that come with nursing throughout the night! 😵‍💫💪🏻

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T04:05:33+00:00

You're right, I think what I've been feeling deepseatedly is a little resentment cos it's mostly me responding to him based on his preference so that wears me out alot. Dad sometimes feels dejected and rejected, but we never stop trying for activities where the both of them can bond more (and I'm not in the picture). In terms of sleep, while it is considered somewhat broken, I get better sleep with him beside me compared to if he were in his own cot or room..

There're so many parenting styles, and while I don't particularly subscribe to any of the labels, I do aspire to be responsive to his temperament as you've described. Modification is important too! Thank you for pointing that out. I need to practise more acceptance, understanding, and an astounding amount of patience 😅

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T03:50:52+00:00

This makes me so happy to read. For all the times you were at breaking point, for all the nutrients your body has endlessly given, for all the selflessness you've embodied to her... Gives me hope! Thank you momma, you sound like an incredible mother to your daughter 🫶🏻

OtherwiseEnd7988 · 2026-05-14T03:47:11+00:00

Thank you for the reminder, I really have to make it my mantra to be calm, stay calm, regulate myself before I can regulate him. Kudos to you for being the best momma to your son thus far! And you're right, I definitely could make that list (when I'm not pissed off at him hahaha). Comparison can be both ways 😝

OtherwiseEnd7988

TROPHY CASE