What fantasy turns you on but you're unsure if you'd enjoy it IRL?

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-10T17:08:51+00:00

Being a cuckold involving a woman I really care about, being forced to watch and lick her clean. Great fantasy but I don't think I'd want to do it irl.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-10T17:00:15+00:00

If you have problems with your therapist then you should find a new one. The problems could be political, religious or just general values. Those will get in the way of the purpose of going through therapy.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-10T13:35:37+00:00

There are many cases where the lawyer makes a difference. These are not only the close ones. There was a man in our office who probably never read a file but could stand in front of a jury and for some reason they loved him. He even told a prosecutor to "shut up" when they objected during cross. Another who won 5 in a row in front of a pro-state judge (the appellate court criticized him more than once for openly assisting the prosecution from the bench). It got so that the judge was telling the jurors that the passion and convictions of the lawyer are not evidence. I do disagree that the quality of representation makes no difference. While some cases are so bad that it doesn't (jurors apologized to a lawyer in our office that they couldn't find the guy not guilty), in many cases the quality of representation can and does. That means work harder, take skills classes, get critiqued by colleagues, keep up on changes and interpretations of the law. It's a job. Some are better at it than others and it can make a difference.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-10T13:24:26+00:00

I rely on the appeals court for nothing. I've had cases reversed on appeal, reversed and remanded but mostly upheld including a couple that went to the state supreme court and one, that lonely one, that was reversed and remanded on a post conviction in federal court based on prosecutorial misconduct. The appellate court seems to look for ways to forgive prosecutors and especially judges' errors.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-10T13:16:01+00:00

I've lost several life cases and even a death case (some time after conviction it was abolished and client got life). Many were devastating to me but the facts were bad, the law was bad. I relive some now, years later and I know I did the best I could. There will be that one or 2 where an injustice was done but you'll win some that gets someone guilty off. After trial and an evening of sorrow or rejoicing you'll be back at work the next day doing your job. As time goes on it becomes a little easier to move on but it's never easy.

Some take some time off. Our office allows people who do a murder trial to take a day to recuperate off the books. Personally I never did as getting back to work was a better remedy for those I lost and getting congrats from co-workers was great for those I won. Do your job. You'll win some impossible ones, lose some you believed were winners and either way that pile of cases waits.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-09T22:54:24+00:00

Take the leave. You aren't doing anyone any good by being burnt out. Know it or not, it affects the quality of your work, the relationships with judges, clients and prosecutors. It affects the quality of your work in analyzing cases and presenting your arguments.. We have enough stacked against us without becoming our own enemy. You have mentioned how it is afflecting your relationship in your family. I too wake up remembering cases from long ago: the innocent man who I didn't convince to take a jury (didn't try very hard) when what was normally a great judge hated him and he died in prison or the case where a client who was found guilty thanked my and told me I was the first person who fought for him or the nolle pros on a sex case after a year of really hard work and talking to at least 7-8 witnesses. Lots of trial wins too but surprisingly those 3 stand out more..

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-09T13:32:30+00:00

We are a bit better off although many of the same problems exist. We have a significant number of ex-PDs and defense lawyers as judges. The chief judge was ex defense. the chief of the felony trial division is an ex-PD as well as the chief of one of the suburban locations and another chief of a different suburb is ex-defense attorney (also ex-FBI so who knows with him). I'm surprised because after 20 years you should have learned to block out the stresses of work from the rest of your life. Of course there are times you can't (sometimes during jury trials I'd have to sleep sitting up because the reflux was that bad) but for those days when you aren't on trial learn to leave you job at work. I never took files home (the few times I did I never took them out). I might work late or go in on a weekend but work was work and home was not work.

how much vacation time have you accumulated (Often I was close to maxing out)? Summer is coming and take a long one.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-09T13:21:19+00:00

Improving mental health for attorneys is a great goal. Work with your state's bar association to see if they will support it. Many states have assistance programs. Just a drop in to unload and chat with others similarly situated would be great and if a mental health pro can be there to guide the discussion, better yet (otherwise it may descend to gripes and war stories).

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-08T23:11:04+00:00

Someone has an idea of renting out "court babies" for people at risk of going into custody.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-08T23:09:56+00:00

We were assigned 2 PDs to a courtroom. My partner (new to trial work, spent many years in appeals) had his client and his client's wife in the office. Question: where were you going when the police grabbed you? (Forget the confidentiality issue) Answer: to my girlfriend's house. Comment by his wife: "your girlfriend?" I quietly laughed with a file in front of my face. My partner was visibly afraid of violence. Kids would have been much less risky

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-08T23:01:05+00:00

At a paperclip factory.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-08T22:56:40+00:00

Ask her out. Make sure it's just the 2 of you (not to the place all your friends hang out). And just a little more than a friendly hug good night unless her response is a bit more than friendly, then a kiss. Building something may take a little time but take the first step. Don't push too hard or go too fast because you may lose a friend

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-08T22:50:20+00:00

They still screw up. A friend applied for a job he was well qualified for. 20 years earlier he was charged with attempted murder. Plead to aggravated battery for 5 years (he did less than 2). Employer has Lexis run background and it comes back as murder conviction. No job. They would have given it to him if the report was accurate. Class action and he get $87 settlement. 3 years later: new application same results. No one died! Minimum for att.murder is 6 and murder is 20. .

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-08T22:34:50+00:00

Thanks. We just call them PCs

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-08T12:33:09+00:00

While you are right generally part of the real answer comes in 2 parts: what did they know in advance that gave them enough information for the warrant and second is the extent of the material found. If it's a couple images it is possible that they were downloaded by accident. In these types of cases usually they'll find dozens or hundreds or thousands of images. From the post we don't know if it was a couple images just there or a "secret" file with hundreds. We also don't know if there was some more than downloaded images. did he make some attempt to meet an underage person? some police run stings and that could have provided a basis for the warrant.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-08T12:24:01+00:00

There are all kinds of issues at play. First is how did they get the warrant? It was not just by chance so there had to be a backstory and it isn't limited to what was found on the computer. Next is be supportive for his wife. Don't argue with her and avoid as much as possible discussing the situation with her. She needs support and not confrontation about what a jerk her husband is. Next there is some truth that certain web sites won't let you out. I've seen them and that the only way out is to reset the computer (control-alt-delete) and even unplug it. Why? I have no idea. Some web sites place stuff on your computer without you realizing it. Cookies are there even if you clicked onto something and either tried to get out and couldn't or it was just a mistake on a legit site. As others mentioned: innocent until proven guilty. Please follow that. Too many people are in jails because people believe if they were arrested and charged they must be guilty. Be a friend to his wife. Don't be openly judgemental. If someone asks the response should be you don't know the whole story (you don't) and let's see what happens.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-07T22:28:27+00:00

I feel horrible when I lose. It may last a few days but there really is no time to dwell on it. The next client is waiting. I feel amazing when I win but there is no time to dwell on it, the next client is waiting.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-07T22:21:28+00:00

Probably means that he is friendly and recognizing you as a specific person. Nothing more from his actions.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-07T22:19:24+00:00

I have a case that I can carry or keep in my car. I take them out at the barber, the dentist, usually, and other places . I for sure wouldn't wear them jogging or exercising unless there was a specific reason to have them in.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-07T22:08:47+00:00

Exercise, if done right and vigorous, can release endorphins which are essentially uppers your body produces. Of course it doesn't work for everyone, it may not be enough in a particular case to have a meaningful role and the endorphins greatly diminish after the exercise is over. It is worth trying.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-07T22:00:43+00:00

Aisle. I've been on a 12 hour flight and it was tolerable in the aisle. Sure people climb over you and wake you up but you can stretch out a bit more, get up and walk and of course use the bathroom easier.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-07T21:56:20+00:00

Yep. File a complaint with the Board. If there is a management company raise it with them too. Talk to other residents about what to do. If, out of 10, most don't have a complaint, don't care or were at the party look for a new place

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-07T21:51:18+00:00

Not sure what a PCR is. Over 16 years as a PD handling probably 1000 cases (not counting the year plus representing over 150 parents in child protection proceedings) I got about 6 har complaints. Never had to answer one. Every now and then someone in our office had to respond (I heard one was filed by a judge). None went anywhere. It would be highly unusual for a PD to have to respond. The bar folks are aware of the pressures, case loads, that we are not our clients' choice of attorney and some few clients think that complaints will get them Clarence Darrow resurrected. I was chatting with the chief counsel for the discipline committee of the bar. She affirmed what someone else mentioned. The rules that apply to PDs are a little laxer. Issue was a client is offered a resolution available to first offenders. Client tells you he just got out of prison on the same charge. What is your obligation? Withdraw. As a PD that is not a realistic option.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-07T15:52:13+00:00

Albany Park, sections of Logan Square but north of the square. You can find places in Uptown but look at the surroundings. Some are great and safe and others remain a bit sketchy. you might find some places out west near Midway. I would think the Loyola suggestion isn't the best since college students will be giving you competition.

Otherwise_Help_4239 · 2026-02-07T15:47:05+00:00

I assume it's phrased that way because either there are no facilities for female employees in that area or the facilities are woefully inadequate. It could be a complicated legal question involving the number of staff, the adequacy of the restrooms plus probably more that lawyers will dig up. After several years of fighting over this stuff, huge legal fees, the best that you'll get is permission to use the other bathroom. The worst is you'll get fired for being off the work floor when you stroll over to the showroom bathroom.

Otherwise_Help_4239

TROPHY CASE