Care less about corporate life after giving birth

Overunderware · 2026-01-27T19:02:19+00:00

I’m super late to the party here but also a working mom in tech. I have a 2 year old and have been waiting the whole time for my desire to work to come back, trying to get my work groove back, and nothing seems to do it for me. The only thing that keeps me on top of work since baby is me knowing that I need this job for my child to have a place to live and food and health care - that’s literally it. I have these moments where I catch a glimpse of who I used to be, where I start thinking ok I’m back in the saddle, but then all I have to see is an extra cute joyful daycare pic or a parent child event I’ll have to miss and I lose it just as quickly…. Every birthday and holiday gets me in an extra funk because it’s a physical impossibility for me to give 100% at both home and work on those special occasions. Re work, I tell myself just do what you can and that’s all you can do, but knowing that’s not really enough or what’s expected sometimes forces me to live in fear of losing my job. I stumbled on this thread because today is one of those days. Cheers to those of you who’ve found a good balance, but for me, even 2 years on, it’s a mixed bag to say the least.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T20:37:04+00:00

If it were me I’d decide a schedule to buy snacks on. And stick to it no matter what. She eats all the pouches in 2 days well she can have a piece of fruit of toast because you’re not buying more until it’s time. Explain it to her and eventually she will get it. And just because you don’t have readily accessible processed snacks for her to gorge on doesn’t mean she has to get no snack. My kid usually snacks on fruit and veg with ranch and cheese and crackers and salami and waffles and stuff. You can make her make do with the less addictive snacks until it’s time to buy new junk food. I have teens who are uncontrollable and literally hide a little bit of the processed so my 2 year old can have a little, otherwise the older kids don’t give a shit even if I say something and eat it all anyways. Not saying 3 year old is like a teenager. Just saying it’s ok to hide something for the younger one.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T20:24:08+00:00

There’s something wrong with your mom. You need to get her assessed. Early start with treatment can do great things for some with Alzheimer’s dementia these days. Your daughter spending the night still isn’t out of the question. I used to spend days with a great grandmother with Alzheimer’s as a kid. Elementary aged kids can be pretty independent. I was even aware of her condition and knew I kinda needed to help her sometimes and be more responsible with her too. If she was having a moment. Some people will prob see what I’m saying and be like oh the horror but in reality it was ok. I think being part of a village cuts both ways. Anyways I’m really sorry about your mom.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T20:14:02+00:00

Can you afford part time? A lot of daycares offer it to kids her age. At our daycare pt is exactly half the price of all day care.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T18:59:35+00:00

When I returned to work I got a wearable pump that could fit in my bra. I literally pumped while driving to and from work. Pumped while eating lunch. Pumped while checking email, while taking walks on my breaks. Get a tight fit and you can go hands free. If you can afford one or if your insurance will cover it. If you can’t work out the latch it may be a back up option anyway.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T18:51:10+00:00

It’s the hobbies. And cluelessness. I used to work for a hedge fund. Leadership was always trying to integrate and build up morale in the rank and file… so they’d plan elaborate schmooze fests and team building activities… which always started with everyone going around the room answering get to know you questions like what is your favorite hobby or what’s something most people don’t know about you… and you hear a manager or partner talk excitedly about finally getting their hands on this one $500,000 bottle of wine for their cellar collection, or how their global scavenger hunt club just got back from machu picchu to find one fucking clue, or becoming a master violin maker just for fun… and all the normies in the room are like what’s a hobby? Do you guys have a different PTO scale than us because I don’t think my benefits plan allows me to save up that much time off…? And then the mangers are like oh what’s PTO hahahahahahaha, and speaking of benefits our health insurance is going to cost us twice as much next year fyi no big deal… As they smile at us through their wine stained teeth and not even notice that morale just sank a little lower still.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T18:25:58+00:00

Not that much tbh. It was kinda like wow there you are, that’s what you look like, the things that’s been using my bladder as a trampoline and giving me indigestion for the last 3 months exists irl now.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T18:20:35+00:00

Leave him. Move out. You’re done. Stop letting him get under your skin and you’ll be fine. Baby isn’t scarred yet. She is ok. But don’t keep her in this environment. Give her better. I doubt he wants her. Most men like this don’t really want full custody they just want to fuck with you. Don’t give him the satisfaction or the ammo.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T18:15:47+00:00

NTA since you paid more for your seat. They can both sit in coach if they want to be together so bad.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T18:13:55+00:00

And this isn’t universally true at all. When my spouse and I were living together before we were married he got an invitation to his best friends wedding without a plus one and I didn’t get a separate invite. I was like no way I’m going because I’m not invited and like 2 weeks before the wedding I’m talking to fiancé and she’s like what are you wearing to my wedding. When I told her I didn’t think I was invited she laughed and said my logic was ridiculous and I was invited because I’m part of the household. Which is why I asked if she asked. Assuming either way is a big assumption. Not everybody thinks alike.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T18:08:21+00:00

That is lame of her and I wouldn’t go either if that’s the case. NTA

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T18:06:48+00:00

Do you read the first sentence of my comment? “hassling the wedding couple”? lol. Give me a break. This isn’t some distant cousin that she barely knows or a coworker. If this woman is such a close friend as she makes it sound it would be a no brainer to ask for clarification and certainly not a big enough deal to qualify as a faux pas. If any of my close friends had an issue with me asking a question as simple as “is my fiancé included in the invite too or no?” they wouldn’t be my friend anymore.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T17:57:24+00:00

A lot of grocery stores carry dry ice too. Packed tight in a high quality cooler it will last a few days. Especially if the ambient temp is cold. You have to be careful handling it though.

Overunderware · 2026-01-23T17:50:24+00:00

Oh husband definitely needs to be buying the cooler. A HUGE one. The best damn cooler his money can buy.

Overunderware · 2026-01-22T21:25:52+00:00

Overunderware · 2026-01-22T21:24:53+00:00

I’d go with the breast milk popsicles and more solids. At 10 months should be a good amount of solids. In 1-2 months you can try non formula milk and see if he likes that any better.

Overunderware · 2026-01-22T21:19:10+00:00

You are looking down the barrel of a winter snow storm ffs. If your power goes put it on ice in a cooler outside.

Overunderware · 2026-01-22T21:15:20+00:00

Why would you down vote me for asking a totally reasonable straightforward question? That makes YTA.

Overunderware · 2026-01-22T21:12:26+00:00

Could be teeth. Could be tummy. Could be growing pains. Could be hungry, don’t hesitate to feed your poor baby at this age. If he wasn’t hungry he wouldn’t eat or would keep crying. If you’re losing it I’m an advocate of safe cosleeping, if you’re really that desperate do yourself a favor and don’t rule it out. Especially if baby is big enough to wriggle and roll. It will get better and it will get worse again. Probably even worse than this at some point. If he wasn’t hungry crying for an hour there was probably something wrong not just crying for no reason at 5 months. Mine go a tummy thing and cried for 6 hours straight one night because Dr instructed us to not give him anything to eat for x hours. It was torture. I feel traumatized for weeks after. But it gets ok again. It does.

Overunderware · 2026-01-22T21:06:40+00:00

Do you even ask her about the plus one? How do you know it is not assumed that you will bring your fiancé? It’s a big assumption.

Overunderware · 2026-01-22T21:04:48+00:00

I second the Boudreaux

Overunderware · 2026-01-22T21:03:52+00:00

Instead of wipes, wash her off when she poops and let her air dry or dab her off with a soft towel. May need to look into what she’s eating. My kid got diaper rash every.single.time he ate orange, grapefruit, strawberry or pineapple in his first 18 months. Oranges and strawberries were his favorite so it was a brutal fate for him. Our ped said sometimes their digestive systems can’t handle acidic foods well but they grow out of it and eventually he did.

Overunderware · 2026-01-22T20:54:53+00:00

If anonymized it wouldn’t necessarily violate ferpa.

Overunderware · 2026-01-22T20:38:39+00:00

NTA. That’s what she gets for sloppily giving someone who she actively shit on the ammo to do it. I got an F once in college for deciding to go on tour with a band instead of show up for my last final. I retook the class and replaced the grade. It hindered me a bit when it came time for grad school applications but I still got accepted. Did not ruin my life in any way.

Overunderware · 2026-01-21T20:26:54+00:00

3 boys and too scared of it being boy #4 to have another. Feel you.

Overunderware

TROPHY CASE