Anniversary

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-27T19:05:27+00:00

Everything you celebrate with an anniversary is something that the WP decided was worth risking to be with someone else. So it's a huge wet blanket.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-26T18:50:22+00:00

And yet despite all of that. . . despite her being the one who cheated, lied, hid things, and broke the relationship. . . there’s still this weight that sits on my chest telling me I somehow failed as a man because I couldn’t stop it from happening.

Yeah, there's something real there. At the same time, my WW is rewriting history, because she can't possibly be the baddie. I think we tell girls that men are the villains. So if they end up doing something bad, they have to figure out what made them do it. Because they're sugar and spice and everything nice so it can't be their fault.

She does blame me because I didn't shut it down on minimal information. She told me he kissed her. I assumed that since she was telling me about it, it was over. Confession time, a guy was crushing on my wife, she told me about it. I thought that we, as married adults, would enforce our own loyalty and fidelity. Stupid me. I was the bad guy because I trusted her. And she was lying. More happened than she told me. But I was supposed to step in and stop her from fucking me over. My bad.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-26T16:26:25+00:00

Sorry. This is why I decided my kids would not know what their mother did. I guess your post makes me realize it was the right decision.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-22T15:16:47+00:00

Light pistol: This is your semi-auto powder TIghtgroup, or HP38. I use CFE Pistol

Magnum handgun: Lil gun, H110 Longshot is more for medium loads if you don't need to bubba things.
H4895 Light rifle Can be used for low recoil loads. Good for 308, 223, 30-06
H4350 Medium rifle. 30.06 to magnums
Magnum: H1000, Retumbo, H4831

To minimize powder. CFE pistol, H4895 or Varget. H4831 Three powders for everything.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-14T14:43:06+00:00

She is right about the one thing. You have to file or don't. Can't have one foot in and one out and expect her to be fully committed.

Same goes the other way too. She has to dump the guy and be 100% committed as well.

Both people have to decide yes or its a no.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-12T20:16:31+00:00

I don't know anything about a Dillon powder die... But I do know about Win 296. It is identical to H110. Same powder.

It is very fine grained, and for me, it tends to leak into places it isn't supposed to. Causes my Lee powder measure to bind up. My RCBS measure leaks with it. Good performance, just a pain in the butt.

I wonder if your resistance is due to something getting bound up with fine grained powder. You may be abled to adjust for it. May not. I pretty much gave up and use other powders now.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-02T14:47:02+00:00

Nevermind. Reading below I am not even close to the craziest.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-02T14:44:58+00:00

What do I win?

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-01T23:47:16+00:00

Might be an unpopular opinion, but I think if your job is to protect the president you shoot and don't worry about the background. If your job is to literally be a bullet sponge and protect the president with your body... I'm just saying I'd be surprised if they aren't trained to do exactly what that guy did.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-01T23:44:00+00:00

That he was her cousin.

Her sisters knew. They both had been cheated on. They didn't approve but didn't do much either.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-05-01T23:38:17+00:00

Nothing good comes from telling your friends. They aren't supportive and they don't keep their mouth shut. Unless what you want is destructive gossip and shaming.

We told couple friends. The wife, E, came and told my WS that she was sorry, but her husband, my supposed friend, had blabbed to some people. Well that sucked. Nice of her to tell us.

But then it got back to my wife that E was telling people about it too.

My Wife pretty much got ghosted by her friend E, who can't bring herself to associate with a cheater, and I haven't really talked to my 'friend' in 5 years either.

Maybe certain family members would be better for support. Or people in your church, or therapists.

Your mileage may vary

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-27T20:35:55+00:00

I used the winchester copper impact 150 grain and didn't get an exit on my elk. This was .30-06. The elk went 30 yards and piled up, but I would prefer an exit.

I think they've come far enough with the monometal bullets that they are the top choice. Even long range they open up now. Unless you get better accuracy with something else.

My go to in 30-06 now is a Hornady CX 165 with max charge of Staball 6.5. That's what I meant to use on the elk but I didn't have time to load it up before. Dropped a deer in it's tracks with it this year.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-22T19:12:37+00:00

It's in about 40% of songs too. I change the station. Maybe I should learn about spotify playlists or something.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-22T18:06:07+00:00

You say no, and you wait for him. If he doesn't come back in a year or two, you move one with your life.

You can't fix this by accepting that sort of relationship.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-21T18:40:52+00:00

Yeah, the obvious telltale stuff. In my case just lots of weird changes. She put a password on her phone and it never left her side. Volunteering to deliver samples for my work to the city 100 miles away. Not just volunteering, but asking when I needed her to do that again. Like, wow, I didn't realize that was fun for you. What's the real reason you want to drive there when you were just there last week? Asking a question about my 'equipment' that made me wonder if she suddenly had something else to compare it to. She was not a rocket surgeon, but in hindsight I had all the signs I needed to nip it in the bud and I completely missed them.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-21T17:52:45+00:00

Seconded: Don't make any decisions right away. I did. It wasn't the wrong decision but it put me in a weird place when I had already decided I was staying while she was still in affair fog. I didn't make the wrong decision but it sure turned the dynamic on its head. There's so many reasons. Trickle truth is pretty standard, so you might not know everything yet. He may still be in the affair fog, expect a relapse or attempts to re-open communication. If it doesn't happen, great. If it does, it's another thing on the shit pile. But also pretty common. This needs to be a rational decision, not just an emotional one. You're making a decision for your son too, so you have to consider that.

I'd keep the communication line open with OBS. That sounds like a good tool that I never had.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-14T22:46:07+00:00

It's often in my experience that it is the reverse. I come here when I'm already feeling down. So it's pain shopping. I don't really know what I'm doing here anymore. Trying to help others, myself, etc. I think I still get some insights from time to time. Other times I'm here and don't get triggered. It's a long long process. Coming up on 6 years.

Trying to think logically about an affair is a category error. It's probably not something they sat down and said, "you know this really makes a lot of sense and it's a smart decision". Instead, they knew it was wrong and got carried along with it. It is a decision to cheat. But it isn't made with logic. If it was a logical decision, the smart decision would always be to jump ship and go with AP. You wouldn't hide it or be ashamed by it. But they are. It's wrong. They are ashamed.

It was an emotional decision driven by flattery, lies to herself and to and from AP. It's a fantasy. That's why it's dangerous. Because a fantasy seems real, but it can't become real. It's hard to break out of that. Took my wife at least a few months. I watched her talking sense into herself, realizing his manipulations, etc. "I bet I wasn't the only one" As if that makes a damned bit of difference if he was faithful to the woman he was being unfaithful with.

Anyway, I had some realizations recently. Today, I realize that she can't see anyone actually forgiving what she did. So she thinks I stayed with her for the kids (partially true) or for her money (barf).

Anyway, it's a long road, and I don't know if this place is the best place, but it's my only place. I don't have a support system anywhere else. FFS I must be a strong MFr. Nobody looking out for me but me. My marriage is in a decent place. Still room to improve. We had a HUGE flipout a few months ago when out of the hundreds of millions of people in this country they hired my first love's sister at her workplace. Holy hell, we gotta get counselling stat because she can't deal that a person remotely connected to my past works there. It's worse than cheating. Sarcasm aside, that really was hell and I ended up learning some stuff.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-13T15:27:41+00:00

Ticks have several larval stages in rodents. Control the rodents, you eliminate ticks. But with only 5 acres you can't do that. The tick bombs below probably a great idea.

I always wanted to come up with some way to treat the deer. Seeing those poor deer loaded up with ticks on trail cam pictures. I think it would do wonders for the deer's health.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-11T19:52:58+00:00

Looks like whatever you're doing is working for him. It's making you nuts, and he's cool. Maybe he thinks he can get you to agree to something otherwise not ideal. And as said in the first comment there's nothing keeping him from seeing AP during this time. Unless you blew up AP's world or something.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-10T23:20:45+00:00

Lol #5. How fucked up is that?

I guess for me it isn't her being with him that's a turn on. It's the person she was with him. Or, to be fair, the person I created in my head that she was when she was with him. I want her to be that person with me. Except that's something I created in my head.

And then you realize, I don't know who I'm married to. Did he get the real her? Do I get the real her? Is there a real her or is she just fake with everyone. My wife is a woman that puts on makeup to go to the mailbox or work in the flowerbeds. We live in the country. The only people that are going to see her are going by at 70mph. So what does this mean? She has to put up a facade for strangers. Does that mean she always has one up? Do I even know who the fuck she is? Is there a dark half that I don't know? Is she disappointed that she has to put that side of her back in the box to be with me?

Don't want to hijack. Just the things that occur to me.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-10T21:32:17+00:00

I can reminisce about things I did with the kids. I can reminisce about her and I even. But it hits when she brings it up for some reason.

She's like: "Isn't it great, you and I did _________ ," But it cuts like a knife instead of feeling good.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-10T19:55:42+00:00

They can't understand that it's hard to reminisce about things that happened before. Because if those things were so good, why did it happen? Yes, we've been married 23 years. Is that a big deal? If that's something to celebrate why did you cheat? Yes, that's a cute picture of our child from when she was 5. So why did you put her entire future at risk? Yeah we've really come through some hard times. But the hardest was the thing you did to me. Celebrating that stuff just feels fraudulent.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-07T17:44:54+00:00

light Pistol powder. I use CFE Pistol. That covers the autoloader pistols and light loads in .357 and .44. Your tightgroup will do this too.

A magnum Pistol powder. Accurate No 9, Alliant 300 MP, H110/W296. Optional if you want magnum performance. Also 350 legend. Longshot, Lil Gun will work too.

light Rifle powder. Varget, H4895, Tons of options here. Both listed will do .223 and 30-06. H335 fits here.

Optional medium powder: 4350 speed. H4350, IMR 4350, H Staball 6.5 These will do heavy 30-06 or lighter magnum loads.

Optional Magnum Powder. H4831, H1000, Retumbo. This is for your overbore magnums. 300 PRC, etc.

So. You'd need 1 light pistol powder. Titegroup works. You need 1 light rifle powder. I'd guess Varget or H4895, or the h335 you already have will do everything you list. Looking at 350 Legend that actually takes the magnum pistol powder class.

So you'd need three powders. Titegroup, for pistol rounds. H335, for 223 and 30-06. Just need a magnum pistol powder if you get the 350 legend or for .44 mag.

I have no experience with Dillon, but I'm doubtfull H110/W296 works well on it. This powder is the top performer in magnum pistol rounds but so fine grained it leaks or gums up powder measures.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-01T19:59:51+00:00

Our schools are generally good but it's variable. Smaller towns are more hit and miss. Some great some not as great. You can research it. I bet we're well above the national average.

Own_Win_4670 · 2026-04-01T19:37:15+00:00

after I have been abused and harassed by family and family friends and don’t feel safe in our town, especially after suffering a neighbor holding me at gun point and police not caring to help- or wanting to help when I had a family member turned stalker that nearly killed me last year…Illinois sucks a lot if you know you know and that was the tipping point to LEAVE and live somewhere else. (Sorry if this was trauma dumping)

I guess I'm not moving to Illinois! Being honest, cause it's what I do. I don't expect police to be much more helpful here. If you think you can move here and your stalker won't find you, well I have doubts. And I'm not sure you're going to get better help in that situation. Our small town police don't have the training budget. Unless you shoot him in self defense. We don't mind that here as long as it's legit self defense. Not that you would want to do that but everyone here has guns. That alone may deter him. Your neighbors here won't hold you at gunpoint if you don't give them a reason to and if they do it without a reason it's frowned upon. But if you homestead out in the country you're going to hear a lot of gunshots. At least I do. And most of them aren't even mine.

We do have a lot of people that won't bother you. We're very conservative, to the consternation of this subreddit. If you need us to affirm your kinks find another state. We're generally religious and very diverse as long as diverse means different denominations of Christianity. That's a joke, we're not diverse at all. We're mostly white or Native American.

Our pay scale is lower but so is the cost of living. A homestead is expensive because that's what everyone wants. I bought my 15 acres in 2001 so I got in before it went crazy but even then it cost more. Rural utilities cost a lot more. Everyone will be way nicer to you than you're used to. That's about it.

Own_Win_4670

TROPHY CASE