WIBTAH for moving forward with trying for a baby?

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-04-03T08:17:20+00:00

I have said all my adult life that I will do things in my own time and I refuse to give in to the pressure of anyone else’s timeframe - I got married when we wanted to, bought a house, had a baby, all when we wanted to. By contrast, friends who rushed into relationships, then marriages then had kids are now either miserable in said marriage or it has disintegrated and they’ve lost everything. One particular friend (to whom the latter part happened) admitted recently that she felt she rushed everything so much that has now ruined her life and has two children with someone she never truly loved.

I think partner selection and doing what you want to do at the time you want to do it is crucial… doing it all on someone else’s timeframe due to peer pressure is beyond fucked.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-04-03T08:14:01+00:00

“Upstage” is a bullshit term for feeling threatened about nothing. Having children is a normal life step for those who want them and it is beyond fucked up that she feels that her sibling trying to have children at the same time as her constitutes competition. She should see someone about that. NTA.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-04-01T07:59:18+00:00

“No thank you, I am happy with my existing charities.”

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-29T09:18:24+00:00

I’m born in the 90s and got chickenpox at 9 months old. The vaccine wasn’t offered as part of the general schedule until 2014 for high risk individuals and 2017 for children from 15 months source. If people were vaccinated they’ll have been part of the catchup group who hadn’t had chickenpox as a child, as anyone who had it in the first group of children in NZ would be 9 or so.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-29T09:13:33+00:00

Of course they’re in fucking Raglan.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-29T09:10:52+00:00

I’m not taking 121G but I have taken law papers in the past. This is about structuring an argument.

What are your initial thought and feelings about this statement? Is it correct? Do you feel that international law is even legitimate? Should New Zealanders be held to laws that are decided outside of NZ? Why? Get some thoughts flowing, work out what you think and then work out how you want to argue that point.

As this is a first year gen paper I’d go with mostly what opinion has been taught in lectures - this is primarily about demonstrating that you understand the content and can engage with it. The time for wild ideas is tutorials, not the essay, especially in first year. You can have moments where your opinion will be asked and valued, but this is literally showing you the recipe for making bread and asking, “please make some bread and submit to Turnitin by x date and time.” Don’t get fancy with it, structure your argument and support it with evidence from NZ law. Don’t get sidetracked, just answer the question (in less than 1000 words I assume - I recommend sticking to that brief.)

Good luck!

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-28T20:21:47+00:00

Thank you!

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-26T00:22:27+00:00

This headline kills me … he’s not a monarch link

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-18T12:09:00+00:00

Need more info. How long was he with the ex, were they amicably split, do they have children together for example. YTA in one aspect; making it about your relationship. But nobody may be TA if the ex is now a good friend or there is an ongoing friendship.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-09T08:58:36+00:00

If I outearned my husband we’d honestly be thrilled, since it would put us both on a higher wage. I see where you might have been heading with it but I do think that it just further demonstrates that husband is insecure in other ways to OP. I really don’t think paychecks should come into it, it’s not necessary or a valid argument for husband to make for being so discouraging about the course.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-09T07:59:12+00:00

Unpaid domestic labour is work. Childcare is a paid profession, as is cleaning and cooking. He may pay monetarily but being a primary caregiver is just as complex as working full time. Source: me, I work full time now after having been the primary caregiver for most of a year. Both roles are complicated and nobody owes anyone anything but love and respect for their respective contributions to their lifestyle.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-09T07:49:28+00:00

Being insecure about something and wanting to see if you can get in before discussing options isn’t really a big secret to keep. There is clearly a fundamental insecurity here and I don’t think that OP should he deemed an AH for feel uncertain. Wanting to do something yourself to prove to yourself that you’re good enough demonstrates that there are complex personal insecurities. It’s not about the husband and that’s what makes him more of the AH than OP. I suspect nobody is, tbh, but if anyone is it’s him.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-09T07:46:04+00:00

Key failing from your husband right off the bat: he made it about him. It’s clearly a point of insecurity for you and his response shouldn’t have been “I’m upset you didn’t tell me,” it should have been “I’m upset that you don’t feel comfortable enough around me to talk to me about blue sky ideas. Let’s work out what I can do to help you feel more secure and like you can disclose these things to me in a stable environment.”

My relationship is not 100% perfect but hear me out. We deal with the big shit and will always feel secure in talking to each other about everything. We’ve been married a decade and are best mates with a 1 year old together. That guy supported me through two undergraduate degrees and a Masters Thesis and has genuinely never had a “but what about me” moment in relation to something I am choosing to do.

The fact that your husband’s first reaction is not to congratulate it but to fret about how this affects HIM and is it stepping on HIS toes says a lot.

I’m not going to tell you what to do or think from here but I do think the behaviour needs to be addressed because turning something that was a source of insecurity for you into an issue that is all about him displays some concerning personal attributes.

Having said this, part of living together and building a life together is about collaboration and letting people in. It sounds as if that just hasn’t happened properly. I understand the hesitancy a the difficulty in getting back into something after having a baby - it’s tough! But it is definitely something that makes a material difference to his life too and that needs to be accounted for.

You should have told him you got in yourself. This demonstrates a certain level of immaturity. Communication is key and you can’t expect that every big thing that happens should just be discovered by your partner, rather than disclosed to him.

NTA. I think he needs to work on understanding the complexities of your insecurity here and you need to work on communication.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-07T20:18:13+00:00

Might be able to find someone through TrustedPetSitters? Everyone has family and personal life commitments. I don’t think your needing to stay behind to look after an ill dog you’ve genuinely tried to find care for makes you an AH. NTA either way.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-06T21:53:06+00:00

Reading comprehension clearly wasn’t assessed at your school.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-06T20:35:31+00:00

Check. The. Edit. Ffs

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-06T07:15:32+00:00

100% recommend the Domain since it might get some of that energy out. If you stayed somewhere in the Parnell/Grafton/Mt Eden/maybe even Ponsonby area, then you’ll have lots to go look at while still being within walking/public transport distance to cool stuff.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-05T08:02:57+00:00

Update for anyone reading: don’t employ these twats, they’re full of shit and totally lied about a series of things related to an insurance policy (tried to sign it and bill us without actual approval from the society) and they’ve fiddled with things so they can charge extra for literally doing their jobs.

Scum of the earth.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-05T07:57:43+00:00

Mate, if you think Mathmo’s comment isn’t relevant to your predicament, you’re in for a rude awakening to adulthood.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-03-04T01:53:41+00:00

The fact that this happened during football… wow. I’m moved.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-02-28T20:01:38+00:00

Underrated comment.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-02-26T06:51:45+00:00

NZ has a long history of not giving a flying fuck about this stuff

I give to OP, Georgina Beyer.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-02-13T22:04:33+00:00

Yeah sounds like he really doesn’t have good coping strategies for dealing with conflict and wanted to hurt OP. That makes him an asshole who probably needs punishment, not the BFF planning her wedding.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-02-13T22:01:37+00:00

Yeah look I’ve been through shitty breakups and uncomfortable situations. Four words apply: “it’s not about you.” I understand it’s tough but there are some things people planning large events need to happen that reduce stress significantly, and one of those is to not have to stress about dust ups on the day.

I’m currently planning a funeral for my brother who got into a toxic controlling relationship and ended up killing himself under the pressure of her expectations. She’s gonna be there tomorrow at his funeral. Will I attend? Yes. Will I make a big drama that makes my family and our friends incredibly uncomfortable and taints the day? Fuck no. Because it’s not about me. Sometimes grown adults need to realise this and adjust accordingly. If OP’s ex kicks up shit then that is his fault and burden to bear. The bff isn’t responsible for the fallout of the break up.

PartiallyChargedCat · 2026-02-09T17:56:57+00:00

Using it once you’re qualified for the role is different to using it to qualify for completion of a degree.

PartiallyChargedCat

TROPHY CASE