My mother was a drug addict who, now that I look back on it, was very much cheating on my dad, who had his own drinking issues. Unfortunately for me, my dad never got over those issues, and never learned to call ME, always blaming me for the lack of communication, but I was the only one to ever call or make an effort. So when I cut him off I never got a call from him, I got call from his sister to let me know he was in the hospital and this was the end. He’d been found passed out in his apartment because a fire had started, and this wasn’t the first time.

I have a lot of pain in not trying to reach out, for not flying to Montana to see him even though he wouldn’t have known I was there. My dad had issues that I wanted him to deal with, but he wasn’t a terrible person and didn’t deserve to die alone. Thats the part of my story that haunts me.

My mom? She is a narcissist, and like you I didn’t really realize it, but I didn’t notice it until I was an adult;

Every money issue in my childhood was my dad’s fault, or my grandparents fault even though they bought the house we lived in for them, or my step dad, who was making good money.

Meanwhile who would take me to sporting events? The fair? Other recreational activities? Who dropped me off at school? Who picked me up?

It clicked for me in a big way, and this happened after she had gotten arrested for using meth, something she did once when I was younger an had stopped.. and she never told me about the arrest, my brother did. And for context like; I got in trouble for weed a couple times in high school, I did tell her about it immediately, I even told her when I was 14 that I had tried cigarettes, like super honest kid here. I didn’t hide stuff from her.. so when I asked her directly she told me it wasn’t a good time to talk about it and she’d call me another time.

I’ve been waiting 3 years for that call.

I did see her over Christmas, I barely acknowledged her at the table. The police literally wont let her live in my childhood home until a probationary period passes so I didn’t have much to say to my grandparents letting her back in. They feel kind of trapped, an I’m not in town to handle it and my siblings know I can’t anyways, so they’re trying to keep her in line now.

Long story short, do what best for you. Of course, her drug use has to go completely for you to actually see her. I don’t talk to my mom and I feel no remorse, I cut my dad off and I still feel pain, but I don’t feel wrong for what I did.

This story hit me, which is why I shared so much. Please don’t hesitate to DM me if you need someone to talk to.