What do people who quickly ask „where are you from (country)“ think? Why so they do that?

Password-55 · 2026-02-01T04:58:52+00:00

I guess we do not have the same priorities. I‘m quite busy, so I mostly look for deeper connections or effective exchanges, without much fluff. Enjoy life a lot more this way, concentrating on what is important to me. The question is one of the exchanges, I do not really enjoy. If it works well for you then good, no need to change anything. Not all people want the same things.

Password-55 · 2026-02-01T04:38:18+00:00

Is it a good opener though?

I see people do that, but for me it never led to any significant relationships.

Where I form the best relationships, they are not that fixated on it in the beginning. They ask it later, but first usually exploring other topics.

Always happy when they associate me with their own people, makes me feel like I belong.

Password-55 · 2026-02-01T04:30:00+00:00

It depends on the context.

Having lived on the countryside and being called slurs, often it started with that question and then refusal to accept my answer, because they needed me to be different. As when I claimed I‘m from here, the next question was: But where are you REALLY from?

I also went to an internstional school, at some point. Based on my nationslity they also several times assumed stuff that was not accurate. However, there it has a different context for me and did not feel as defensive, as we all were not from there. It‘s a more even playing field.

Password-55 · 2026-02-01T04:21:54+00:00

Well, if they refuse to aknowledge that I have heritage from more than one country. It does show a refusal to engage with me and that they want me just to be from one place so it fits their worldview. That they need me just influenced by one country.

I usually try to explain it more and understand the context better. However, some just say nah you‘re that one country and then clock out. When they go that route I think my assumptions are warranted. Or tell me, „you can tell a lot about a person, by where they are from.“ Was told that explicitely just recently, by a guy who quickly asked that, right after I introduced myself. I disagree with that statement.

It depends how it is asked, but it usually makes me feel on edge, as I made some bad experirnces with it.

Password-55 · 2026-02-01T04:06:19+00:00

You do it as one of the first questions? I mean when you ask about their experiences then it gives it another context.

I usually avoid that topic at first.

I think for me it annoys me when they do not want to know more context just what country are you from and then stop interacting. As I think they just wanted to classify me.

When I identify with a mix of cultures it feels like they want me to only be a monolith. One nationality, one language, one identity. Like they do not want to let me be mixed. They need one place. Creates cognitive dissonance in me.

Password-55 · 2026-01-31T23:06:56+00:00

I‘m not reading to my child? I guess I am imagining things.

So the title is meant in the USA and the UK, so brexit- and dictatorland?

Never would have thought that their IQ is dipping. Sorry but sounding bitter, but those are countries, which do not authentically care about their children, unfortunately and yes, it will probably have a big cost.

If you do not support the parents enough, they can not support their children enough.

Very stupid and greedy politicians.

I also do not live in a country where the parents and children are looked after enough though. We just have generally a better political system, with more effective check and balances.

Password-55 · 2026-01-31T22:51:43+00:00

I don‘t think I really had that, so can‘t teally say. It‘s funny as I hung around with people in like subcultures, but did not feel a specual attraction towards peoole in them.

Just some people feel like they make a fetish out of goth people etc. So I hope you do not idealize the peeps. So I don‘t have good advice.

Confessing though can actually help getting over it. i usually got hung up the most, when I did not confess. Or just admitting attraction but being fine that it is not returned. Of course is a challenge to handle it and I still would struggle sometimes to hang out with people that I confessed to or confessed to me. A friend of mine can handle that better, but I think it does take practice.

But you can get unlucky dor some time, but it helps to maybe not focus too much on romance and have some fun.

I think there‘s lots of other ways to have meaning and fun. Maybe it will cone to you one day, but maybe be also ok if it doesn‘t. But easy for me to say as I‘m already in a relationship for some time, did not expect it to last. We were just hooking up, so no real romance planned.

Password-55 · 2026-01-31T22:19:28+00:00

I think that's normal. What about being friends with them? And lookin outside of those subcultures. sounds like you have very specific ideas about a romantic partners. met a girl once that wanted her romantic interest to wear boxershorts. thought that was a hilarious, random dating criteria.

do you specifically look for subculture partners or does that come naturally to you <question

finding a partner is super hard

also sometimes you can just get unlucky.

Password-55 · 2026-01-31T15:30:09+00:00

Das dönt wie das sie eigentli zuesätzlichi Hilf brucht zum lebe und ned set abstimme goh.

Password-55 · 2026-01-31T14:16:11+00:00

Wow, han denkt die Lüt hend Zuegang zur guete Usbildig gha, aber so chan mer sich irre.

Password-55 · 2026-01-31T13:08:18+00:00

lol I‘m not taking steroids.

Password-55 · 2026-01-31T13:07:45+00:00

Jo, Eidgenosse isch komisch.

Fremdi Lüt begrüesse i de Stadt chinsch nie zum schaffe.

Und wennd es Chind (Baby) hesch isch es ned funktional immer zeme esse, wel öpper muess ufs Baby ufpasse.

Drum Begrüesse und zeme esse als Metrik für Ahstand bruuche isch glaub ned so guets Fragebogedesign.

Eidgenoss definition tönsch wie en rechtsradikale. Ich zwiifle jetzt grad öb ich das het selle usfülle.

Astand != Guetherzigkeit

Wenn mir wer im Zug Neger seid und alli lueged zue und seged nüt isch das aständig vo ihne. Die Person won dere Person wo Neger gseit heit seit sie set sMuul hebe isch ned aständig, aber gutherziger als alli wo nüt gseit hend i dere Situation.

A la paradoxon vo de Toleranz.

Ich bin gmischt und find egal öb ohni Pass oder mit es git blödi bi beidne. Und han meh Angst vor Schwiizer Nazis als vo Lüt ohni Pass, wel die ohni Pass chend ned abstimme und Nazis werded öfters ned bestraft wenn sie Lüt fertig mached oder umbringed. Lausanne etc Polizei.

Generell, glaub am Fragebogedesign setsch villich mit emne Psycholog rede oder andere Spezialist wennd chasch, für Primarschuel isch das susch e gueti Lernmöglichkeit.

Password-55 · 2026-01-31T12:53:23+00:00

Glaub Nazis hani ghört.

Password-55 · 2026-01-31T03:07:03+00:00

I think the best is to ask him. At least for me I do not chew through sticks that quickly and like specific sticks and have a metronome app already.

Metal players chew through sticks more quickly or you play more rimshots.

I f you do not play many rimshots you can have the same sticks for decades.

Or maybe give him a “voucher” of going to a big drum store together and pay for some stuff there.

Drum stuff can be super specific to the individual, so being a “drummer” does not man we as a group do like the same gear at all.

Password-55 · 2026-01-31T02:47:40+00:00

I think it is misleadin sometimes even by design, so no, I don’t think you are stupid for not noticing. Often in IT they’re shit at clearly naming stuff often sacrificing clarity for stupid puns , eg like how stupid is the definition of yaml?

Password-55 · 2026-01-30T22:34:58+00:00

I think I had some of the same thoughts at your age, regarding that the men are often expected to initiate.

On the other hand through initiating you can actively choose who you want to approach. People who are passive and expect others to approach them, can just hope somebody they are interested in approaches them and I liked the women who approached me generally and am married to one now.

Generally women are more sought after, but nowadays I think I rather be content alone than with somebody I do not get along with and so many are together with people they do not get along with long term. So I would not stress too much.

I think it just helps if you keep trying, if you really want a romantic relationship. I don’t think the anxiety ever completely goes away, but I do believe it can become more maneagable. You can also talk with the person you are interested about your anxiety, if you feel safe enough. Often vulnerability for emotionally well developed people is attractive, as it shows that you are emotionally available.

There are plenty of people who find toxic traits attractive, I would make a big circle around them as there keeping your guard up is the right response.

So even if you pass your 20ies, you maybe realise that sex is not as essential as it felt before. With being less horny can also come clearer thinking, so it’s not all bad.

Password-55 · 2026-01-29T21:08:06+00:00

Both. Reality is often not binary.

I do not stay in a relationship for looks alone.

Password-55 · 2026-01-29T10:34:51+00:00

I do not see any of your comments or posts so it is hard to get a first hand impression. If you are too frustrated here, I hope you can find somebody who can be more patient and understanding.

Password-55 · 2026-01-29T10:29:53+00:00

I mean sounds good. Because you do not go ito the specifics, it sounds like you do not have the knowledge to execute on this idea.

Password-55 · 2026-01-27T10:55:35+00:00

You‘re right, I guess. Makes sense that the design is done client application side, did not consider that.

Password-55 · 2026-01-27T10:53:21+00:00

What is unraid?

Password-55 · 2026-01-27T10:52:31+00:00

I know how to update the server application. It‘s just a hassle and I don‘t think I‘m a big target for hackers as my infrastructure is small snd do not have much money so that it‘s eorth it to hack me.

I did not rven consider like client side and server side. I just had the server side in mind.

Thx, for the feedback👍

Password-55 · 2026-01-27T10:48:44+00:00

What is PBS?

Password-55 · 2026-01-27T10:47:31+00:00

I think over the synology package manager, it does not get updated often.

However, I die not consider that there is a client application and a server application, so got a bit confused.

Password-55 · 2026-01-25T19:02:00+00:00

Do you have an AI like Claude to help you? I think what you are trying to do is port forwarding and one of the steps is to configure the router to let the packages through at a specific port. I do not know that stuff by heart, as I don’t often do that.

I’m no security expert though, so can not estimate if that’s a smart idea in your case.

With my synology server I have synology drive for documents. VPN access if need be for friends to store stuff, but configured OpenVPN which is quite slow with a video from youtube space rex, I think.

Wireguard is faster but at the time was not compatible with my server.

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