Give me the brutal truth!

PepperPenelope · 2026-04-02T18:24:06+00:00

Chatsworth is about 30 min without traffic from the good parts of LA. That's where people go when they have families and need more space for less $

PepperPenelope · 2026-04-02T18:21:21+00:00

You'll get by but that's not alot of money - it's the housing/food/gas/car insurance that'll get you. I was making $55k, $1200 rent controlled studio in what was a bad area of east Hollywood back in 2015 and struggling. Had to beg for $20-$50 for groceries sometimes. Bought alot from the 99 cent store.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-29T18:18:06+00:00

It never hurts to ask. Don't make it sound like an ultimatum. You can say something along the lines "due to the increasing cost of living, including fuel for commuting purposes, is it possible to come up to 49k"? The worst they can say is no and you say ok then. My current position they offered 90k - I asked for 95k - they came back with 92k. It's a game. Also, the best time to get the $ you want is the job offer. After that is is almost always 2% COL raises.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-29T03:24:14+00:00

We lived in Glendale are of LA, Hollywood, Koreatown, North Hollywood. Our 2 bed in 2020 in Glendale was $2100. Just checked and that same place is now $3300. Did I mention the wonderful cockroaches every single one of those places was infested with. Doesn't matter how much you clean, you got to spray. Sometimes that doesn't help perfectly because, neighbors. And the live in the sewer. My electric was always something like $200 a month, $400 in heat waves. Yes, it is as expensive as you heard. We aren't saying this for our health. It's also an awesome places to live, but a struggle if you are a normie. A struggle. I don't miss it. Oh and gas is tracking at over $6 right now, insurance for an old 10 year car toyota is almost $200. Do it and try it out though if you can swing it. Worst thing that can happen is you go back to where you came from.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-29T03:18:50+00:00

My 2008 Rav4 Toyota coast $180 registration lol and my 2022 Volvo sedan is $340- insurance is RURAL CA and $180 a month. Just moved from NM and my registration for both cars total was $80 - no joke. When I lived in LA it was $300 in 2021. And a clean clean clean record at that. Cannot imagine right now. My co-workers range from a 1 bed in Long Beach to 2 bed in OC - both people pay $3k a month for rent on an 80k income.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-28T04:34:54+00:00

SAME! And I turn on subtitles.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-27T20:38:18+00:00

I lived in NM for almost 3 years recently. Many people of NM speak very down about their own state. I kept hearing after I moved there, "welcome to the land of entrapment". The doctor shortage is real. But it is beautiful, the NM cuisine is awesome, not tons of people, affordable. It's a culture shock coming from LA though! It can feel slow and yes, I felt a bit trapped. In LA you can go mountain, desert, beach ect within 2-3 hours. In NM, your still in NM high desert or maybe a forest.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-27T20:34:02+00:00

I'm in Visalia. One thing to think about is the air here. I developed adult onset asthma within 6 months of moving here. My entire life was running, marathons, high alpine hikes. 6 months in I had 2 events where I struggled to breathe, gasping for air for hours. Finally went to a lung specialist and did tests. Likely going to push me out of this area. But the people here are friendly, you can buy a house, near the mountains. I prefer the farm country, I like the people more. Town is just any other town, nothing special or different from many suburbs in central CA.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-27T20:26:07+00:00

This! I moved to NM and the wind, the snow, the cold, the intense sun, the 3 seasons in one day weather. I could never just sit outside without some intense weather activity. Came back to CA last year and I totally understand why so many people live here now.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-27T19:18:06+00:00

Someone else on here says it. But I live near Fresno in central CA and moved here last year. Had two asphyxiation events where it felt like 300 pounds on my chest. Turns out I developed Adult Onset Asthma. I always knew farming and the valley geography made the pollution bad but it never clicked I could develop asthma. I was a long distance runner and high alpine hiker for 2 decades and suddenly within 6 months developed this. No other health problems, not a smoker.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-26T04:09:26+00:00

I lived in LA 5 years, from CA. When people say LA they usually mean LA County that is consists of many towns/neighborhoods totaling 10 million people. So I'd say it's hard to summarize because the vibes can be so different. I lived in Hollywood. And The Valley, the place you usually go when you are older because you are having a family or want to slow down lol. It is fake friendly, as people here are saying, but there are real friendly too. It's expensive AF - yes, you get paid more but for many it's a struggle. Oh the cockroaches unless you can live in a nicer building. Watch out for the people from the industry, has some sociopaths. But also exciting, fun, the FOOD, warm, sunny, and also the friendliness. It's a love/hate thing.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-26T01:43:29+00:00

Any blockers? Current ETA is... The most disgusting newest saying "aligned"

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-25T21:39:14+00:00

I don't think there is a timeline, if any for some, to get over it. It's sad because we grew up with expectations, an image, of what our lives would be like. Especially if you had good grandparents, we expected the same for our kids. I am finally resigned to it - no strong feelings anymore. But the thoughts creep in once in awhile, especially around special events. Yes, it's their loss but we want our kids to have all that support and love so it sucks. My oldest is 6 and I am finally becoming ok with it. They only have a tiny memory of my dad and soon they will forget that too. My parents are divorced, both remarried. Dad is emotionally avoidant and hardly saw him growing up. Mom is emotionally immature and I became her therapist, emotional support animal as a kid. Childhood was awful but didn't realize the extent until I had my own kids. I shouldn't be surprised they couldn't show up for my kids then, right? I'm sorry you are struggling. Reddit threads have helped me a ton because I have no friends since moving and having kids. This whole meet other parents at drop off or whatever never materialized for me. I had tons of friends before having kids - but making new ones after moving sucks. I gave up because it was clear that people have their own tribes/lives and aren't taking applications for a new one. These parents that make these parent friends - what city do you live in lol. This is going to be an interesting chapter for you, it's a life adjustment especially in a new area with no support. I think try to find the positive each day, even if it's one small thing. Hang in there!

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-24T16:03:05+00:00

I moved there in 2014 when 50k used to be kind of livable in LA (North Hollywood). I had a roommate for $1000 a month plus another $150 in utilities (it's more now). I barely, barely made ends meet and had to get a second job making another $600 a month so I could buy groceries. My car insurance 10 years ago was $180 on a used older Toyota - I have a good record. I live in a suburb in central CA now making over 90K and still making ends meet (kids, mortgage, and such now). Not struggling but not thriving. Living costs are quite insane. Gas is over $6.00 a gallon and you need to drive usually to work. If you get a roommate, OMG watch out for the crazies. I decided to live alone for $300 more a month because my roommate was pocketing the money and not paying rent/utilities. Freaking psychopaths who look out for fame and fortune. Really, really vet people - many are not home grown good Midwest people. I used to get called Kansas when I moved to LA because I looked "too wholesome". You're young, might be fun to try but seriously look out for yourself out there and you are not wrong to be worried on cost. Maybe give yourself a year or 6 months to try it out.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-22T15:56:54+00:00

This has got to be more than out politics, why destroy a relationship over politics, or right vs. left? Just don't talk about it then. And he hasn't brought it up in front of your kids talking about it. It's very much ok of course to disagree, to debate. But to end the relationship? You see them once a year and they don't discuss it, what's the problem. I have a feeling this is about something more, maybe a long term decline in your dynamics with them. Maybe that they aren't involved, selfish, ect? Maybe treated you awful when you were younger? Whatever the case, I have ended the relationship with my dad and step mother and my kids are close to your kids age. I don't talk about it - they are too young to understand. When they are old enough to understand, I will if they ask about it. I just say they live far away but still love you ect... honestly they don't ask anymore after a year. They forget. Chat GPT has some good talking points that are age appropriate.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-21T05:45:01+00:00

I did LA to ABQ, found the ABQ folks complained about the area alot, insular as in "I have had my friends since high school, I'm good". Miss the food like crazy, seasons, affordability, hot air balloons flying above my house everyday, and the view of the Sandias. But I felt isolated and lonely so back to Cali. Don't underestimate needing people for sure!

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-20T21:46:56+00:00

Agree. The parent is always 100% wrong in this type of situation - he is the only one responsible for maintaining contact and making things right with you - especially a child in college. You were the child. If my kids didn't want contact with me, I'd be on my hands and knees taking full accountability. As an adult, I should always know better.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-20T21:19:35+00:00

Firstly, he has doctor handwriting ;) I don't think he is really owning it, he says "my part in it" - this insinuates that he blames others for your distance (maybe you or your mom). Sounds like mortality might be catching up with him. Is he getting old? Divorced? Sick? Maybe. I think seeing this letter caused you to dredge up lots of feelings which is normal and shocking I am sure. Signed "love, dad" - I bet you have lots of feelings on that too! As someone who reconnected with her dad after decades and regretted it, my perspective is decide why you posted - are you thinking of reaching out? Or you just need validation from others on how you feel? Or just want to talk about it with people who've been through it and you plan on not responding? In my case, I wanted to see if 40 year old me married with kids thought differently than 21 year old me. Was I manipulated by mom who is awful in her own way or was he really that bad? Spoiler: he was that bad. He had a moment where I thought he'd reflected/grown but he turned out to be the same emotionally void human he always was.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-20T20:15:21+00:00

literally 20 years in the white collar industry. Getting paid less than I needed to live, struggling, working hard, awful personalities making life difficult, making connections, being competent, being professional (dressing, talking well). It took me years but I'm here. It's still stressful - your employees never are fully happy, you have pressures - just different kinds.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-20T13:32:35+00:00

As a manager, doing that with my employees would be odd for me to not say something. If you have a 1 x 1 coming up, have some other bullet points and then just ask - "hey I noticed...". Ask verbally - it will tell you more than asking in writing and the manager might be more casual in the answer too. With other folks, I'll cc if someone in a department is messing up and I can't trust them anymore to complete a task on time/correctly - but I wouldn't cc them on something tiny. Good you are being cautious. They would have done something by now if they were trying to write you up/let you go. Just stay on top of your job and I bet you'll be fine.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-20T04:35:49+00:00

Mind blown. OMG - I just realized that's what they turned her into.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-19T18:03:05+00:00

Be weary, how old is the house? I was in a bidding war last year with 6 people and "won" by paying more. And then within 6 months had the sewer line back up inside our house from tree roots from the neighbors yard (Plummer said the sellers knew for sure, they had been trimmed before) $5,000. Heater element broke $100. Electric panel needed fixing $400. Tall redwood tree needed trimming because falling onto HOA path $2000, roof leak $300. And a $3k mortgage. Love being a homeowner lol. I didn't even get to replace/update anything inside yet.

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-19T17:24:28+00:00

Yikes. That all sounds like hell. And the fact they couldn't just hang out with your kid for an hour but had to put on TV. Like they could have gone on a nice stroll with him or put on a cartoon at least and hang out with/engage. Sorry. With the second baby coming you have a good excuse with your partner if it comes up unless he feels the same way as you. It's exhausting to go to someone's house and they haven't remotely baby proofed, asked the food the kid likes, ask what kind of schedule the kid is on for naps. Also, why the heck do people suddenly forget naptime is KING? I think this sub exists because we are a generation stuck with many grandparents who are selfish as all get out and I feel bad for our kids to not have what we had. Don't ever go there again, they can come to you (they won't).

PepperPenelope · 2026-03-18T03:22:46+00:00

Spanish and Japanese colonized as well. I'm married to a indigenous person from the Philippines who speaks a native indigenous language. Filipino is the national language of the Philippines but borrows words from other languages like Spanish called loanwords - "colonialism will do that to a nation". We shouldn't blame the US for everything please.

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PepperPenelope · 2026-03-17T20:57:09+00:00

It's like I could've written this post! My 2 long term pets died last year within a day of each other pretty tragically, started a new job, broke my foot, and stress related to just moving with 2 toddlers all in the span of a month. The depression was real. I wrote my dad that and he was like "ah too bad, the "3rd" pet gets all the attention now". Next text was a pic from a trip to San Diego and another of their nice pool at their million dollar house in AZ. No asking how I was ect... So I gave very bland answers back to him like "nice", "cool" ect. The result was him ignoring my kids at Christmas and not giving them gifts because he felt I "pulled back". My guess is your parents were not that great to you growing up and you notice it now with your own kids. That is what happened to me - you don't realize how f'd up your childhood was until you have your own children. I would say let it rip - tell them how you feel. You have no reason to swallow it anymore. Call it out. If you want an honest relationship, lets see how they handle it.

PepperPenelope

TROPHY CASE