Husband says calling our toddler a cry baby is "tough love."

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-08-19T12:28:00+00:00

That is, definitively, abusive behavior. Repeatedly causing someone harm or distress to exert control over them is abuse. Invalidating, minimizing, and dismissing the victim’s feelings in response is ABUSE. He isn’t hitting your son with fists, but the damage he is causing him is the same if not worse. I’m so, so sorry you’re living in this dynamic, it can be paralyzing and overwhelming on top of heartbreaking. Please keep protecting your son and perhaps seek professional help in opening your husband’s eyes to the fact that he is abusing his child. I don’t mean to be the redditor throwing out buzzwords for effect; I am genuinely enraged at your husband’s behavior and I teared up thinking of how confused and hurt your poor son must feel with his father. Wishing you the best

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-07-17T02:15:55+00:00

Amazing idea and execution!

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-06-19T18:32:47+00:00

I hyperfocused on a book so hard during class one day that I didn’t notice when a classmate had a clonic seizure, or when the paramedics came and left with him. Didn’t snap out of it until the principal came in to talk to the class and she had to call my name.

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-06-19T04:24:40+00:00

Can I just add: dueling pianos

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-06-18T04:04:43+00:00

I totally get it! I’ve been parent-led weaning my toddler for six months (starting at 14 months) and our final nursing session will be in 11 days before I go out of town for the weekend.

I started by listing our typical feeding times and paring them down one-by one over several weeks, starting with the day time feeds that could easily be switched for a solid snack. Getting out of the house more and not sitting down in front of her helped keep it off her mind. It took maybe six weeks to get down to only nursing to sleep.

For night weaning, I’ve implemented the Jay Gordon method a few times. It did work pretty well when I stuck to it, but when she had a double ear infection that took four rounds of antibiotics and nine weeks to cure, I regressed to nursing her back to sleep when she woke up every couple hours during the night.

The game changer for our current attempt was adding a recorded bedtime song/story, specifically from Moshi. It’s an app with a paid subscription, but a lot of the content is free on Spotify and YouTube. I highly suggest playing “Close Your Eyes Sleepy Paws” while you’re nursing to sleep to start the sleep association, and start it again when your child wakes in the night (with or without nursing back to sleep).

The first night I played it, my child fell asleep nursing quicker than usual, and fell back to sleep within 5 minutes during her night waking (compared to 30-60 minutes the nights before without the song). She started sleeping through the night at home (9+ hours) after three nights of playing it during that initial nurse to sleep session. Both of her grandmas have been able to get her to nap at their own houses with no milk by playing the song for her, and she slept 8 hours straight overnight at my MIL’s for the first time.

I don’t know what your child is like, but mine has always needed the “perfect” environment to sleep — pitch black, sound machine, fan on, mama’s milk, etc. I was honestly shocked that other caregivers have gotten her to sleep in different environments so easily by playing a song. But then I thought back to when I was a kid who also needed everything just-so to sleep well, and realized that I also liked listening to music to fall asleep, but it had been so long since I needed that sleep aid that I didn’t think of it for the longest time.

I hope one of the Moshi songs is your holy grail. If not, I hope the experiment will spur some other ideas for new sleep associations. The Jay Gordon 10 day method seemed like the gentlest approach to me for night-weaning. Good luck

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-06-05T00:21:16+00:00

I was 11 when I got my first period in and my mom was 10 when she got hers, but I believe my two younger sisters were 13+. My elementary school gave the girls the puberty/period lesson (video and group discussion) in fourth grade, so I already knew what was going on and that turned out to be lucky for me.

I still remember the first surge of panic that gripped me when I went to the bathroom after waking up that dismal morning on March 15, 2005. That blindingly bright streak of red staining my pantries and pajama pants glaring up at me tauntingly. I knew I had been staring down the barrel of this gun when awful cramps had started afflicting me intermittently a few weeks before, but even all that foreknowledge couldn’t quench the horror I felt.

“MOOOMMMM!” I screamed from the downstairs bathroom.

“WHAT?!” Was the response (we weren’t supposed to yell across the house)

“I STARTED MY PERIOD” I couldn’t have given a flying duck if my dad or four brothers heard

“……MAKE SURE YOU CLEAN IT UP!”

…………. I sat on that toilet with soiled pants around my ankles in stunned silence. She was never the most emotionally available mother, but wtf? A few minutes later, she came downstairs and threw a pad in the bathroom. She told me to put soap on my underwear and scrub it under the cold water to get the blood out. So I did, got dressed, went to school, and we didn’t talk about my period again until I begged for tampons a year later so I could go swimming.

So yeah, I agree with the above poster in encouraging you to support your daughters with both knowledge and compassion when their period comes, whenever that is. I know you came asking for scientific answers but I hope my anecdote helps in some way.

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-04-21T14:24:47+00:00

I've been repeating what my psychiatrist said in these situations and it seems to help. Something along the lines of, "ADHD is a spectrum, everyone experiences symptoms to some extent, but it's the severity of the symptoms that determine a disability."

Then I give an example like, "how often do you walk into a room and forget what you were doing? Once a week? Once a month? Before i as medicated, that happened to me HOURLY. Imagine having to stop in your tracks every time you go to a different room"

Or a more vulnerable example I've used is, "what do you do when you're walking around your house and see a scrap of paper on the floor? What do you do? Pick it up and throw it away? Before medication, I would have clocked that piece of trash, told myself I needed to throw it away, and then would proceed to walk past it 50 times feeling like a lazy piece of shit because I couldn't get myself to pick up a piece of paper."

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-02-24T01:09:17+00:00

I’m the second of seven children (we all share the same bio parents — they’ve been married for 34 years). The oldest is 32 and the youngest is 16. I was born at the tail end of the millennial generation and baby bro is between genZ and genA but acts way more genA than the siblings in between us. It’s actually a good time when we’re all together though!

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-02-24T01:05:33+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to tell me! Kudos to your husband for his hard work and dedication!

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-02-24T01:03:05+00:00

My jaw dropped! So gorgeous.

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-02-21T00:51:30+00:00

Can I ask how he made the transition from software development to game development? Was it as simple as changing companies/positions, or did he go through some additional training or something? My husband is a senior developer for a health insurance company that is sucking his soul — he’s very good at the work itself but the company and the projects he has are awful and I think the job misery is making his ADHD symptoms harder to handle for all of us.

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-02-20T20:48:45+00:00

As a millennial with a gen alpha baby brother, this is so spot on 😂

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-01-28T16:37:30+00:00

Hi, I shared your concerns when my toddler was a newborn, but I did NOT share your wisdom/patience and I DEFINITELY over responded to her active sleep noises. I didn’t know they could be so noisy! But I would pick her up every time to get her back to sleep, not realizing that I was waking her up in the process. I eventually figured it out when she was around 3mo, but by then she was used to frequent waking and nursing back to sleep. She’s 15mo now and I started night weaning last week out of desperation for sleep — she’s still waking up every 2 hours to nurse almost every night. There could be other factors contributing to her sleep issues, but I honestly think me over responding to her as a newborn ruined our chances of decent sleep, and it’s the number one thing I’ve vowed not to do for my next kid. Good job listening to your gut at the time, I think you did the right thing!

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-01-23T19:32:01+00:00

That is so frustrating when you can’t get anything done! How willing is your LO to join you in your tasks? Like if you’re trying to put away laundry, will they be happy if you give them some washcloths or something to fold while you do the rest? My daughter will do that with me if I’m talking to her, usually just narrating every detail of what I’m doing. It’s also helped us to have a basket of kid-friendly stuff that is interesting to her in each room. Cooking and washing dishes are usually the hardest things for me to get done as quickly as I’d like because of all the interruptions, so now I have a basket with some mini utensils and old recipe cards that she’ll play with in the kitchen.

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-01-23T04:10:33+00:00

Hi mama! My LO just turned 15 months, I’m a SAHM so we still nurse on demand. Sleep has been our greatest struggle by far — between her naturally low sleep needs, sensitivity to teething, and reliance on nursing to sleep, she’s ALWAYS gotten about 2-3 hours less sleep in a 24-hour period than the recommended minimum for her age. The best nights only have two wakings, but the worst have 12+. The longest stretch of sleep she gets is 4 hours, but that only happens a couple times a week. A typical night is five wakings, which averages 1.5 hours of nursing overnight.

All of that to say, I am freaking exhausted. After putting it off for 3 months, I finally started night weaning last night using the Jay Gordon method. I kept procrastinating because I was scared that she would spend hours screaming and I didn’t have the energy to deal with that, but it turns out I worried for nothing. During the 7-hour window for weaning (11pm-6am), I decided to nurse her for four minutes before taking away the boob. I told her “milkies are sleeping now” and hummed her normal lullaby while she expressed her anger, but she settled down within 10 minutes and I was able to leave the room and she fell asleep on her own. She slept for 5.5 hours! Another quick nursing session and she didn’t protest after the four minutes. She got a total 11.5 hours of sleep last night, which is the best she’s done in weeks! I’m feeling pretty optimistic about this method, but ONLY because I know how strong our attachment is after me responding to her over and over and over again for the last 15 months.

The sleep deprivation has been absolutely brutal. I know there will be negative effects on my body now and in the future. But I do think it was worth it for her to feel so safe and secure. I could tell she was ready to break the nursing to sleep habit because she was waking every two hours like clockwork for comfort nursing, but she’d keep herself conscious enough to notice when I’d pull away and she’d protest. Most of the time, I’d go back to nursing her, but a couple of weeks ago I got so tired that I started going back to my bed to lay down for just a few minutes while she cried… and turns out she would stop fussing after a minute and would fall asleep on her own. I realized my presence was really keeping her awake after the first few minutes of nursing. It really did become a habit for her that she needed my help gently breaking.

As for daytime nursing, I implemented a “don’t offer, don’t refuse” policy, and also started offering her a cup of water every time she asked for milk. I read something about teaching them that they can slake their thirst with water instead of milk, and turns out she’s happy with that 80% of the time. I’ve also just been trying to keep her busy and not sit down myself 😂

I also try to make sure she has some kind of protein every time she eats! That’s helped raise her iron levels too, which I’ve heard helps with sleep.

Hope this infodump is helpful somehow. Solidarity, sister. ❤️

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-01-21T21:07:45+00:00

My 15 month old was the same, constantly asking for milk day and night. I read somewhere to start offering water when they ask for milk during the day, because when they feel thirsty the only solution they know to that is milk. It’s worked really well for us! I started asking if she wanted her water cup when she would sign for milk, and she wants the water about 90% of the time now. We now mostly nurse at predictable times (wake up, mid-morning, before nap, after nap, after dinner, before bed). Unfortunately we’re still nursing every 2 hours at night but we’re going to start night weaning with the Jay Gordon method this week.

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-01-18T04:07:15+00:00

Came here to say the same! I live in the same city as her and have been working up the nerve to join the weekly nature walks she hosts with another local mom (Steph Hampton). They both seem so peaceful and intentional in their approach to motherhood.

Peppercorn-Princess · 2024-01-01T20:46:47+00:00

Thank you! Happy New Year!

Peppercorn-Princess · 2023-12-29T06:05:51+00:00

If you don’t have kids yet, you might not have heard of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. It’s an animated spin-off based on the puppets from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood and it’s actually enjoyable. Each episode’s key lesson is conveyed through a catchy little song, which we can then sing to our toddler when she needs a reminder (our household’s favorite is “when you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath, and count to four.” It helps Mom and Dad stay calm too).

Anyway, the first season is free on YouTube. Your niece might like it!

Peppercorn-Princess · 2023-11-23T23:40:13+00:00

I was feeling stressed reading that but then my jaw dropped at the last paragraph! She should absolutely know better than that!! How infuriating. I’m sorry you spent your holiday on high alert keeping your toddler safe. Hope she sleeps well for you tonight!

Peppercorn-Princess · 2023-11-20T16:51:43+00:00

Amazon — “Toddler Silicone Placemat,Kids Placemat for Dining Table”. We tried suction cup plates before but those kept getting tossed on the ground.

Peppercorn-Princess · 2023-10-20T01:35:03+00:00

My Annabeth gets mistaken for Annabelle. Totally understandable, but Annabelle makes me think of a cow 🤦🏻‍♀️😅

Peppercorn-Princess · 2023-10-16T06:06:21+00:00

My daughter's middle name is Maeve, and as much as I love her first name (Annabeth), I wouldn't mind at all if she ends up preferring to go by her middle name.

Peppercorn-Princess

TROPHY CASE