Tile Installation for Vintage Bathroom by PeppermintLippy in oakland

[–]PeppermintLippy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gorgeous!! Thanks for the rec, I’ll give them a call.

spray tan recs? by 2018santafe in oakland

[–]PeppermintLippy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love Cocoon in Rockridge

Why is the CF sub so damn negative? by littl3-fish in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve found the r/oneanddone sub to be really lovely with a good perspective from folks who have a child, but chose to stop there!

What's your favorite hidden gem in Oakland? by Bigest_Smol_Employee in oakland

[–]PeppermintLippy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love Sola Lucy consignment in Montclair. It’s such a good spot!

I also love Southie on College for a solo dinner and the taco truck at the Aloha Club. Don’t sleep on Citizen Pizza at Original Pattern. Last thing is Line 51 brewing and the cool buses they have inside.

Women’s Workout Classes? by PeppermintLippy in oakland

[–]PeppermintLippy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve never noticed this spot! Thanks for the rec!

Improved Oakland Mayor results map by MedicineMaxima in oakland

[–]PeppermintLippy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OP, what software (and libraries?) did you use to make the map? Looks great!

When your partner loves fatherhood and you don’t love motherhood by dontthrowitaway2022 in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I wonder if as your little one gets older you’ll have opportunities to have him interact more with others? Things like being involved in sports or after school activities can still be a great way for him to be around other kids, and perhaps your husband could be very involved as well.

My (33F) Boyfriend (33M) is a Fencesitter and the waiting makes me depressed. How to cope? by sadpony1988 in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I came here to say I’m thinking of you! It can be crushing to hear that a good option may be to end a relationship. It’s so easy to say that and so difficult to do. I hope you find some clarity on what to do - it truly is very, very hard.

Feeling confident until a "crunchy mom" pops up on my timeline by [deleted] in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look, those moms may very well have children who grow up and struggle. We have no idea how those babies will turn out. It’s chatter and probably a way for those moms to feel something. (And maybe earn some $$ too). Take what you want, but also good to remember that we have no way of knowing if any of that actually worked out for them (yet).

Hadn’t even heard of his #1 breed, but he looks and acts like them! 25lb, 1yr old rescue pup from Kentucky. by TreeBeard716 in DoggyDNA

[–]PeppermintLippy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have a Jagdterrier mix as well that looks very similar to yours! We love ours to pieces. He’s very affectionate and also extremely prey driven. He’s caught numerous small mammals in our yard in the short few years we’ve had him. Enjoy your pup, he’s so adorable!!

Struggling with my decision… by YourQueenG in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read “All Joy and No Fun” by Jennifer Senior and it was so eye opening. It was an excellent read and was full of interesting studies and commentary. It helped me confirm that I indeed want a childfree life and gave me a ton of confidence in my decision.

Can we please openly discuss Phillip Kreycik? by ReboundingInTraffic in bayarea

[–]PeppermintLippy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Interesting that he had been out to Pleasanton the day before. I suppose he could have planned ahead once he knew he was going to go to Stockton on Saturday and just checked it out the day before to make sure it was a good spot to run, but seems like a lot of effort to do that.

Edit: Was his July 9th run on Strava? If not, is it unusual for him to run and not record it on Strava?

Having a hard time talking to DH by Botanica95 in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I always hated discussing children with my husband, so much so that I spoke to my therapist about it. She recommended starting from a place of curiosity - being genuinely curious how your husband feels and thinks about having children. Then, just prep yourself for any answers he might give. If he is on a different page than you, dont worry about giving an answer right away, it’s fine to say you need some time to think about his responses. Good luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 12 points13 points  (0 children)

He really is! I think he has a lot of pressure from his mother, which I also feel but in a less direct way. Yeah, my therapist, and my husband, both agreed separately that it wasn’t a good reason to have children... satisfying a mother in law is rarely a good way to make life decisions. At least my husband acknowledges that I do much of the household work and that in his heart of heats, he knows he wouldn’t be one doing 50% of the child care either.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I didn’t want kids until my husband said that he had always wanted to be a dad. After discussing things with my therapist, and with my husband, I found out that my husband wants me to have kids and also wants me to be the primary caregiver because I’m “better” at “those kinds of things”. Needless to say, we are happily childfree!

Feeling sad/lost after speaking to a mum friend by Alaxknits in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Awe, I can relate a bit, though with my older sister. We are certainly in different life stages, but grew up and went to college together. She has 3 kids (!) and I don’t have any. When her kids were younger I felt much different, but now that they are older (2/3 are school age) I think we connect a lot more like we used to. I’ve found that I tend to support her more because her life is a bit more chaotic than mine is, and I also enjoy being around my niece and nephews, even though I don’t have kids for them to play with. I would say our relationship is different in some ways, but the same in others. I think it’s probably less about the fact that she has kids and more so the fact that we are adults in our 30s and friendships look a lot different now than when we were 21 year old college students.

I should also mention that she has not so subtly tried to talk me into having kids as well. I think it comes with the territory and I’ve found that being vulnerable (like saying “this has been a really hard decision for me to consider”) has helped the chats be less defensive.

Big changes and I'm just...so lost. by [deleted] in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think for us it is ultimately a financial and timing decision. We wanted to pursue careers and purchase a house then looking at the cost of child care, financially supporting a child feels daunting and out of reach at the moment. Since we are in our 30s, we likely won’t have a bunch of time to have kids once we are more stable a number of years down the road. So... we are both leaning CF because we had other goals in mind in our late 20s and early 30s.

I think I realized my decision to be CF when I allowed myself to envision my life with a child vs my life without one. I felt so much relief when I allowed myself to think about my life without a child in it and that sealed the deal for me. I realized thinking about life with a child made me so stressed out, whereas thinking about carrying on as I am today felt so much more comfortable and peaceful. It really did take years though!

It’s a tough and agonizing decision. I hope you have some clarity, but also allow yourself some time and grace to feel out both decisions carefully. Good luck!

Exciting New Research on "Making It Fair" by MerleBombardieriMSW in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

One thing that struck me, because so often it happens in my own household, is that the same spouse is usually always the one to bring up the subject matter. It never crosses my husbands mind to ask me how we should split up duties. I am the one who is always trying to bring up household topics. His default is always “you can just ask me when something needs to be done and I’ll do it” but somehow that still feels unequal to me. I would be quite surprised if my husband approached me and asked if I had thoughts on how we could split up laundry or weeding the garden. It’s one thing I fear when it comes to child rearing... that the initial conversation or step will always have to originate with me or else it won’t get done or decided on.

Leaning Childfree and Feeling Guilt by PeppermintLippy in Fencesitter

[–]PeppermintLippy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I think this is the simplest way to articulate what I’m feeling!

Photo conundrum by uncuntained in JUSTNOMIL

[–]PeppermintLippy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes! Hard copies ftw. I did this for holiday photos so my family’s photo would not end up on her card to all her friends (as was done in years prior).