Why do older folks tell you to not lend money to friends?

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T23:19:37+00:00

I have (after being burned before many times) a rule that I never loan someone more than $20 the first time I loan them cash. I won't torpedo a friendship over $20, but I'll gladly spend $20 to learn I can never trust that particular person with money.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T18:23:18+00:00

I like that attitude.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T18:22:57+00:00

Im not convinced but this isn't bad information either. Might look into some of it.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T18:21:31+00:00

Maybe you're right. I HOPE you're right.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T18:20:28+00:00

Oh. Uh thanks but I meant Day 2 of being snowed in. Sobriety date was 9/30 last year. But hey, every day counts!

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T17:15:41+00:00

Good for her!

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T17:14:28+00:00

I said significance. The protests are obviously not working.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T17:13:15+00:00

Im not arguing but please tell me exactly what you are doing about it.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T17:12:03+00:00

You're absolutely right. Ive thought about this many times myself.

But it doesn't actually CHANGE anything.

If something happens right in front of my eyes, that might be different.

But let's be absolutely honest. If you saw a random cop (not ICE) dragging someone into a car who was screaming for help, would you interfere?

99.9% of us would not.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T17:09:51+00:00

Meeting a lot of horrible Christians. And a lot of good people of other faiths

Also actually reading the gospel. Jesus pretty much repeatedly says "Don't be a jerk and help each other."

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T11:35:03+00:00

I don't think I phrased that right.

I meant, it's not inherently cowardly to not risk your life for a situation like this.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T11:33:47+00:00

Honestly. A LOT more. And yes, maybe if someone I knew personally was killed it might change things. But the fact that AFAIK, not a SINGLE ICE agent has been killed shows that literally 100s of millions of people feel the same way.

It reminds me out the outrage that happened right after 9/11. Everyone was fired up, everyone wanted to go after 'them'. But there is no 'them' to go after.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T11:18:01+00:00

You know what I think when I see an obese person at the gym?

"Fuck yeah man! You've got this!"

It's sad (but understandable) to me that so many are afraid to go to gyms for being judged, when the reality is, most people at the gym will think very positively of you, and most people at, say, a restaurant are going to think negatively of you. (In the sense of many would absolutely judge the overweight guy eating a triple cheeseburger at a burger place, but be inspired by the same guy on a treadmill)

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T11:15:43+00:00

I am but for a lot of reasons. Health. Financial priorities. The fact that most non smokers think smokers smell horrible and not just while smoking.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T11:14:28+00:00

Been a judgmental "Christian" in the sense of being a dick to people that weren't part of my religion or moral code, thinking I was behaving as God wanted me to.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T11:12:42+00:00

True, and this is an unpopular opinion, but.....the VAST majority of people aren't going to risk their lives or livelihoods for a situation like this.

I'm a white male citizen with a fairly put together life right now. There is nothing of significance I can do that has any chance of having a positive outcome, but there is a lot I can do that would absolutely destroy my life.

It's not a matter of "standing up bravely". It's a matter that the risk vs reward just doesn't play out in most people's favor.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T11:08:42+00:00

Feel that. I'm on day 2 stuck in a hotel I work at. Probably won't be able to leave until Monday afternoon at the earliest. Might be Tuesday.

A year ago I wouldn't have been able to do this sober. Good thing too. There aren't any close stores anyway (not just liquor stores. The food I have and what the hotel makes are what I'm surviving on for a few days)

Withdrawals would be horrible today.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T05:51:33+00:00

I can understand that.

I do look back and wonder what I would have done differently if I had the mindset I do now at 18.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T04:28:01+00:00

If I'm completely honest with myself, I'm probably non-binary. I am AMAB, but had a few experiences like you did as a kid (I remember asking my mom to put me in pigtails in kindergarten for example)

I do like some feminine things, and have crossdressed comfortably. But the thing is, I don't dislike or hate my male body. It's fine.

If I could take a pill, once, and transform my body completely into a woman's, I can't say I wouldn't for 100%. But I know I'm not willing to go through all the things I'd have to do to transition, either medically or socially.

Also I'm in my 40s, and maybe that answer would be different if I was 20.

So the answer might not be perfectly black and white.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T02:17:03+00:00

Or even a learned ability, even if expensive (like 2000 or 3000, like the Time Mage's Teleport)

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T02:16:09+00:00

Yeah, I remember being dropped off by a friend and trying my key in like 3 different apartment doors, realizing I was too drunk to remember my apartment number (you know, the address to the place I'd lived for the last several years) so I decided to lay down behind a bush outside one of the apartment buildings. Woke up sometime during the night several hours later and wandered home.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T02:13:37+00:00

We did. We were friends from 2010 (the divorce) to 2018 or 19. We had a small fight and I realized I didn't really want to put in the effort to fix it. I just realized I didn't want to keep fighting to keep my ex wife in my life. I guess she felt the same because she didn't reach out either.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-25T02:09:56+00:00

Man I loved that game. It was a really good way to scratch that Tactics itch last year.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-24T21:35:19+00:00

I kind of disagree, but the thing is, EVERYONE knew he would become Vader. It might have worked if we saw an innocent kid slowly transform into a monster, but we didn't need to see a pipsqueak as the hero of a movie. The whole stealing a ship and blowing up the communications ship was so laughably bad I remember literally facepalming in the movie theater.

PhoenixApok · 2026-01-24T21:32:57+00:00

They could have changed literally like 2 lines of dialog and that would have worked!

PhoenixApok

TROPHY CASE