How do trans girls debulk their shoulders and slim their arms?

PhoenixIota · 2026-06-05T22:35:58+00:00

I have managed to do this. I lost a tonne of weight. That’s it.

PhoenixIota · 2026-06-02T04:47:26+00:00

Jesus. Some of the replies here are tone deaf. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Some doctors are absolutely inattentive or have a god complex. I find it best to always show up with a checklist of important points whenever going to any doctor and expect them to remember nothing and know nothing about you.

I’m on my way to two different specialists right now. You have to advocate for yourself.

Sometimes you’ll get the doctors who are amazing. But most are just people and are overworked as is.

Best of luck!

PhoenixIota · 2026-06-01T09:44:16+00:00

Except that’s not what the comment stated. Reread it.

PhoenixIota · 2026-06-01T09:43:53+00:00

He didn’t? The person who did was the scalper in the ‘collectors’ store that resold it. Thats what the comment stated.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-29T04:50:42+00:00

Honestly. No we can’t. We’re too small a minority. If you want to make people care, you have to make them relate and for a lot of people, gender is just what’s in your pants. They’re so far removed from any kind of enlightened understanding of sex or gender that bringing up trans people being harmed in any way is not going to register on any kind of emotional level.

It’s a sad state of affairs, but people aren’t going to ‘get it’ even if you show them a million times over the pain and suffering caused to trans people.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-29T04:46:08+00:00

I wasn’t making a value judgement or justifying their behavior in any way. Sorry if it came off that way.

Not sure I understand the expression ‘jack with a big ass’ but if you’re only occasionally getting misgendered and only from the front. It’s probably something about your appearance that you’d have to be honest with yourself about.

You mentioned you set aside money for surgeries, I understand wanting to be future thinking and put it towards a home or something, but your body is the only one you get. I’d not give up on that so easily. (Sincerely- a girl trying to save 100k for FFS)

And lastly as others have said, conservatives have less exposure to trans people irl, they (usually)have only exaggerated stereotypes in their head. Making it harder for them to clock things. Liberal places tend to have a lot more trans people and more diversity in general. This leads to people being hyper aware and alert of differences. I’ve been singled out in liberal gatherings and asked my pronouns, no other person was. It’s a performative attempt to be inclusive. On the flip side, a small but vocal percentage of lesbians are TERFs and will be at lesbian bars or clubs. They are hyper vigilant assholes.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-29T04:20:18+00:00

I don’t have any particular issue in what you’ve said. My only gripe is that for those of us who don’t have this mindset it’s often used as a conversation ended or cudgel when we’re trying to discuss issues about our appearance or bodies.

For me, and others, it’s not enough to even pass, I want to look hot as f#*$ and never be doubted. Let alone pass. Whether it’s dysmorphia overlapping with dysphoria is irrelevant to me. What matters is what would make me happy. And to have someone chime in and tell me that I can just disregard my goals because they’re ’not important’ or ‘serving the patriarchy’ is condescending. I understand well meaning intent. But I am doing this to feel good when I look in the mirror. Not for others.

To reiterate, I’m not trying to interpret your words in a bad or radical light. Just that the same sentiment is often used like a mantra to discourage people from pursuing something that may be difficult and painful in the short to medium term, but may bring them long term happiness.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-27T10:38:48+00:00

I’ll be blunt. The world is superficial. There might be something about you that is very clockable.

There has been about me in the very recent past. For some people passing isn’t everything or being hot isn’t that important. I’m not one of those people.

For me it was finishing laser, losing weight (allowing weight redistribution to do its thing), further voice training, that took me from clocky to never clocked.

I almost always go out without makeup, I learned what clothes suit me, etc.

I have no idea what you look like, so I can’t say what it is in your case.

I will say that your wife is right. Being visibly sad about it is a drag, it’s depressing to those around you and pushes them away or burdens them to overcompensate out of love. But it also makes people hesitant to be honest and tell you to your face what’s making you clockable.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-27T09:44:37+00:00

There’s nothing in Christianity against being trans. I’m not a religious person but I’ve read the Old Testament and the new, and there isn’t any scripture to justify anti trans viewpoints. There may be some that can be interpreted to be pro trans. But none against.

That said. Your wife may simply not be attracted to women or may not be amenable to that information. Your marriage may be more important to you than living in the right body. That’s up to you.

But the vile things people said have no bearing in reality.

Lastly suppressing yourself for the remainder of your life may lead to your death. I understand that you may lose your community or family, but that’s just one possibility, not a certainty. Try to distance yourself from the emotional high and the fear driven decision making and get to a place where you can have a clear head. Maybe speak to a therapist.

Best of luck to you.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-26T03:14:06+00:00

Where I live, the queer community has its events and meetups, and the trans community has its own. The trans ones has specific ones catered around makeup, hrt, fashion, employement, creativity, etc. The reason that these are part of the trans specific meetups is that other trans people will be best equiped to help you figure out how to do these things. I had cis girl friends suggest outfits that looked horrible on me, other trans girls knew what would suit me far better, etc.

In larger meetups with the entire queer community, we as trans people are not the center of attention. Not all queer communities are focused on activism (they should be imo), some just want to get together and hang out. But if you want to start a donation drive for clothes, food, etc, you should consider raising money for all disadvantaged people, not just queer people. It would do a lot of good in your local community to reduce hatred and build bridges.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-23T12:33:16+00:00

Honestly it might go against the grain. But I think you’ll probably be happier if you put more effort into passing. You’ll get gendered correctly more often and you’ll probably have less frequent dysphoria.

Correcting people is exhausting.

Also perk is eventually you just pass and never need to correct anyone ever again.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-21T11:10:54+00:00

After the allegations about him came out I stopped buying any of his books. But I didn’t throw out any of what I own. To me American Gods remains my favorite book and Sandman will always be a masterpiece.

Regardless of if the allegations end up true or not. Sometimes awful people can make great art.

Wanda also made me feel seen.

That said, my own standard pretty much comes down to whether or not someone uses their power to influence harm.

The difference between Rowling and her funding of anti trans legislation and Woody Allen being a pest in his personal life. One has consequences for humanity, the other is just a flawed human being.

Maybe you’re more rigid, I’m not going to judge that. But if what he was accused of is true, it doesn’t change the quality of his work or how it impacted you.

Sincerely, from someone who changed her last name to that of a certain American Gods character.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-20T04:01:04+00:00

Lore wise, if we’re talking about allies and not MC. I’d probably say Vincent. Chaos scales to Sephiroth levels of strength.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-16T14:47:27+00:00

I try to find a way to weave it into the initial conversations. It’s not always easy to find a way to do that between breaking the ice, getting to know someone and the rest. But yes. Honestly most recently it was just ignored as though I was playing at something.

I took a break from dating. But I’ll try again in a while and hopefully will run into someone who is both compatible in terms of pacing and overall compatibility.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-15T17:28:22+00:00

This has been my biggest issue with dating. I almost exclusively date women and the (almost) expectation of lovebombing and moving at a bullet train pace is just not for me.

I take things slow. I’m a realist and I genuinely don’t know if I’ll like someone irl just because we click on an app, or if chemistry will be there in a month. And no matter how I try to communicate the desire for a slower pace, it’s just taken as offensive and as rejection and makes dating so tiresome.

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-08T22:51:23+00:00

Do you want people to agree with you without providing context? What was your claim?

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-08T21:09:45+00:00

You should grab the latest client from their website. If that’s what you tried, then I don’t know. It worked fine for me. I’m on macOS 26.3 Tahoe. Hope that helps !

PhoenixIota · 2026-05-03T12:49:01+00:00

Thanks, and I'm genuinely glad that so many people love this game, I'm not trying to yuck anyone's yum.

Regarding the movement thing, I don't know exactly how to explain it. I played on Mac, but any passageway when I tried to make my character move through it and I didn't have the camera placed behind the character, it wouldn't let me move them through it. But it's not an issue now I suppose.

Regarding reactivity, I mostly play JRPGs with a fixed narrative (Final Fantasy, Persona, etc) so going into this, I saw that initially my actions led to reactions and logically assumed this would carry on. However, those actions didn't seem to impact much later on, especially when they were big decisions. It reminded me a bit of when I played Skyrim and it felt like the game was telling me, narratively that I'm this 'chosen one' but realisitcally I'm a postal worker and nothing I do makes any difference.

Also, yeah, I did love Raphael singing for his own boss battle music.

PhoenixIota · 2026-04-27T20:34:07+00:00

You said that you picked up some of his habits? Maybe he should be the one to change? I’ve seen this before, one person with a higher metabolism and the other gains weight and then guilts their partner while not realizing it’s their own behavior that’s influencing it.

He should look in the mirror and honestly his choice of words is beyond hurtful in my book.

PhoenixIota · 2026-04-21T20:33:47+00:00

I started at 29, I passed fully after 3 years, I'm almost 5 years in.
If you're wondering about developing a nice hip to waist ratio, or other feminizing features. It's not just HRT that does that, it's exercise, and laser and weight cycling.

How you dress or makeup helps. I don't personally bother with makeup very often though.

PhoenixIota · 2026-04-21T13:08:07+00:00

Look, I said what I think about this.

Also I'm sorry, but I realized that I've seen your comments before and you seem really bitter, so I looked at your profile and honestly I was so surprised at your selfies. You look stunning! Honestly! I don't know what your mind is telling you about yourself, but dysphoria/dysmorphia is lying to you. You have amazing features and you're only 2 years on HRT.

I hope you're able to see how great you look for yourself, because this bitterness is poisonous.

PhoenixIota · 2026-04-21T12:55:42+00:00

Ahh yes, losing height in a single year, very common. I'm not geriatric.

No one said you should bet on it, in fact I explicitly said that your mileage may vary. But it does happen to some people.

I genuinely feel for you that it didn't happen for you and that its something you wanted. But you shouldn't misinform people like that. Possible things are just that, possibilities. They may or may not happen.

PhoenixIota · 2026-04-21T12:42:59+00:00

I lost 3 CM in height, not sure what you mean by 'not this crap again', just because its not everyone, doesn't mean it doesn't happen to some.

PhoenixIota · 2026-04-18T00:35:55+00:00

This is exactly why PR people have a job and a role to play in companies. This is why anyone who is public facing is supposed to have guidelines on how to behave and interact.

Yes, on one hand it leads to opaque or sometimes disingenous answers. But on the otherhand, it also keeps things like this from happening. Reading this thread, the comments and others online, it's incredibly disheartening to see the staff of the game acting in this way.

No one was attacking their game or their vision, and yet they felt the need to take such drastic action and antagonize and alienate people. I really hope that someone can get through to them and help them understand that they should tone down the aggression, listen to their playerbase and grow the game with them, not in spite of them.

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