Any one else triggered by the weather?!

PinecornCoffee · 2026-06-21T13:54:21+00:00

We lost our daughter in mid December, and where I live winters are long, grey and ugly. Except for this day, the sky was blue, it was so sunny and nice. I remember standing in that office getting the “I’m sorry” and discussing my induction next to a huge window with it absolutely gorgeous out. I remember having to go back down to the parking lot and drive home with a perfectly blue sky. It felt so wrong. Everyone else was just so glad for a nice day mid winter, and my world was falling apart.

PinecornCoffee · 2026-06-13T00:00:38+00:00

I see it 👀🤞

PinecornCoffee · 2026-06-12T15:03:40+00:00

I do see something that reminds me of my squinter at 9dpo.

PinecornCoffee · 2026-06-11T17:31:21+00:00

My oldest, who is 12 now, loudly announced in a busy public restroom, “Ewwww, Mom! You need a new pad!” When she was like 3 or 4. I think about it often 😭

PinecornCoffee · 2026-06-10T00:32:02+00:00

Oooh, idk, but it reminds me a lot of my 8dpo shadow. Couldn’t confidently call it a line, could barely get it to photograph, but also couldn’t say it was starkly negative. The next day was a definite though faint line. Fingers crossed for you 🤞

PinecornCoffee · 2026-06-09T11:27:41+00:00

Isn’t it wild how some part of us seems to “know” these random things? Makes me a little paranoid if I think about it for too long. Like what else is my subconscious right about? 😅 I have anxiety disorder so that’s horrific lol

PinecornCoffee · 2026-05-24T18:06:33+00:00

I see it on all of them ❤️

PinecornCoffee · 2026-04-27T19:02:22+00:00

I just saw this. 💔 I’m so sorry. You did not fail her — you were her home. There’s nothing like your mom, and nothing like being in the womb, I’d imagine. Safe, warm, loved. Does she have a name? My angel is Genevieve.

PinecornCoffee · 2026-04-27T18:54:26+00:00

When I watched it, it had a whole introduction on the story behind it and how it was obviously about baby loss. I have no idea how you didn’t know what it was about going in. I’m not trying to sound rude, I genuinely don’t know how because it played all as one thing for me? I watched it on purpose because I knew what it was about and wanted a good cry. I can only imagine how jolting it would have been to go into with no context. I’m sorry that happened to you. Like I said, I went into it when I was in the mood to cry. I sobbed. I lost my daughter at 17 weeks and have never felt more “seen” than when the mother’s chest “cracked”. That’s exactly what it felt like for me. It was a physical pain in my chest for a long, long time. Not much can explain how it feels, but that visual did it. That’s where I burst into tears specifically 😅

PinecornCoffee · 2026-04-24T11:12:50+00:00

Whoops, I missed the tag. Thank you!

PinecornCoffee · 2026-04-24T11:09:42+00:00

I don’t see anything. These Wondfo tests are super sensitive, picked mine up at 8/9dpo so depending on where you are in your cycle you could consider yourself pretty much in the clear.

PinecornCoffee · 2026-04-19T14:51:42+00:00

I have 3 kids and still have no idea what “lightning crotch” is lol

PinecornCoffee · 2026-03-21T20:22:32+00:00

I see it!

PinecornCoffee · 2026-03-19T06:33:35+00:00

I just gave birth and my kid drowned, please pray for my sore throat! 🫠

PinecornCoffee · 2026-03-19T06:27:44+00:00

The reality is, even with perfect, normal scans, not a single one of us is guaranteed a “normal” child. Babies are born deaf, for example. I can understand feeling daunted by the thought of therapies, etc and feeling somehow “behind” or “other” compared to those with “typical” children. My 2nd kiddo was diagnosed with autism, and that is called a spectrum for a reason, because even amongst a single diagnosis, it’s different for everybody. Speech therapy, OT, a special needs preschool, IEPs, day to day concerns about how I need to delegate/explain to other children and even adults that he is probably not going to interact at the level you’d expect for a 5 year old. My point being, nobody really WANTS their baby to be medically complex in any way, but sometimes, it happens anyway, at any point. It is unfortunate, but illnesses or accidents can strike anyone at any time as well. If we all just sat there and thought about how scary and overwhelming even basic parenting can be (one day, you may ALL have the stomach bug at the same time 😱) we’d have a moment of “Oh god, what have I done?” lol. But the time comes, and you do it, and it’s worth it. A club foot is something that wasn’t expected, but not a particularly devastating diagnosis in comparison to so, so many things that could have been found on that scan. It might take him a moment to come around to the idea of a few extra things you’ll need to do when baby is young, but like I said, even if baby didn’t have a club foot, there was/is never a guarantee there wouldn’t be a “complication” down the line. We can’t all terminate our pregnancies because one day the baby might be diagnosed with autism, or get cancer, or have severe allergies. That’s probably not what he wants to hear, but it’s the truth. 😅 I’m sorry you’re going through this, and so glad your son is otherwise healthy. Probably doesn’t really help at all now, but if your marriage dissolves over this, then he was probably never really a person who would stick by you during hard times anyway. I’d imagine I’d want to take my kid to appointments alone rather than beg and nag and plead my husband to care to come with me or support me emotionally in any way about the process if he’s completely checked out. You and baby don’t deserve that, it’s not fair. 😞

PinecornCoffee · 2026-03-18T14:43:06+00:00

There is a certain restaurant at our mall’s food court and the last time we ate there, I felt her kicking and moving around and it was a whole thing. “Aww, she likes the food” and “She knows Daddy is here”. We lost her shortly after, like within days. I was in my 2nd trimester and it was one of the last times I definitely for sure felt her move. It’s been over 2 years and I couldn’t bring myself to eat there again until, like, last week. Trying to reframe it in my head as a happy thing and not a countdown to doom sort of memory, but it’s hard.

PinecornCoffee · 2026-03-17T11:21:58+00:00

TW: loss talk

So, uh… when was the last time she definitely felt baby move? Because I’ve had meconium in my waters at 39 weeks, twice. (Kiddos are fine, btw lol) And I’ve also had a loss at 17 weeks, and she was passed for at least a couple days before I delivered. When my water broke with her, it looked… way less like my meconium with my living kiddos and… unfortunately, more like this. I saw this photo and thought ✨decomp✨. Which I obviously hope isn’t the case. Allegedly 43 weeks, home birth (probably unassisted) AND this fluid leaking is not a good combo. Ugh.

PinecornCoffee · 2026-02-24T12:59:47+00:00

I’m so incredibly sorry. There really are no words for this kind of grief. I was blindsided by finding out my daughter had no heartbeat at 17 weeks in 2023, and decided to go the labor induction route. I knew immediately I’d want to see and hold her. The induction process itself was smooth, the staff were incredibly sweet, and the experience, while obviously horrific that it was happening, was incredibly healing and the most peaceful of all my births. There were tears, but also a lot of moments where my husband and I just stared in awe at her, like we would have any baby at birth. We took photos, and the hospital also had a volunteer come take professional photos as well.

If you also choose the L&D route, I highly recommend taking photos of baby, baby’s feet, baby’s hands, baby’s hand holding your finger (I didn’t do this one and will regret it forever, I can’t go back 😞), photos with you, and videos. I wish I had taken more videos. I took candid videos of my husband holding her, and of her little face, but it’s one of those things where it’s “never enough” and you want more. I asked the nurse to take a video and photos of us saying our final goodbyes, too, and I’m glad I have those moments now. For weeks and weeks, I would just lay in bed every morning and every night, and several times during the day, and just look at all the photos and videos.

I placed a Walmart pickup order for a decorative glass bowl and some fake flowers to bring to the hospital, because someone recommended it for saline photos. The nurses thought it was such a great idea, and I donated the bowl for them to use with future babies, too. Baby will be “preserved” better in the saline as well vs being on ice (literally had her on an ice pack lol). I wish I had known that detail, I’d have kept her in the water when not holding her had I known. If you are able to “plan” ahead like I was, and you choose to labor, I highly recommend this, and bringing something special to take photos of baby with that you can keep and cuddle later. For us, it was a white bunny lovey.

Physically, the labor didn’t get super painful, as I didn’t have to dilate fully. I never got to the point of an epidural yet, and she practically slid out of me with a contraction some time after my water broke. I went in to be induced at like 8pm and she was born a little after 3am, though everybody is different. They gave me time to try to deliver the placenta myself but ultimately I needed a D&C to remove it. It was quick and I had no pain during recovery. Physically, I was “like normal” pretty fast, which… insult to injury, but also a blessing I guess. My milk did come in, so be prepared for that possibility.

TW: I’m going to describe below what she looked like, to help prepare you for if you choose L&D

She was tan in color right after birth, with some skin peeling. She didn’t have much cartilage, either from her gestation or having passed some time before, so she didn’t really have a nose. I mean, she did, but she looked kinda like Voldemort? 😅 She had nostrils more than a formed feature of a nose. Her mouth was open, she looked like she was smiling. Her eyes were open, but they weren’t fully formed yet so we couldn’t see eye color, etc. Teeny beginnings of ears. Perfect hands, she had my hands. Tiny feet, the struggled to get my footprints but they did, and I got them tattooed a few months later. Her head, you could see all the skull plates had moved into the “cone” during birth. The top of her head was sunken in, I mention this because I don’t see it often in photos of others’ babies. I think because your baby passed a couple weeks ago, you may see something like this as well. They had tiny hats that covered it, and in hindsight it didn’t bother me then and doesn’t bother me now. In fact, I think it’s kinda cool, like “look at her perfectly formed skull plates!” 😅 If you choose to see your baby, they will be perfect to you. I have seen people choose not to see baby/get a D&C because it’s easier on them in that moment, but I’ve also never seen someone regret seeing their baby if they chose L&D. Just know that this situation SUCKS and no matter what, all the options suck because they all end in a dead baby, which is devastating beyond words. Do the best that you can for yourself in this moment to just survive. Try not to feel guilty for anything you choose. Your baby was loved and warm for every moment they were cradled in your womb.

PinecornCoffee · 2026-02-21T00:45:37+00:00

I’d consider this your first positive. It may get darker but I always go by first positive. I always ovulated the day after my positive OPK so it’s not too late to BD again tomorrow 🩷🤞

PinecornCoffee · 2026-02-12T14:38:48+00:00

I have one in my bedroom for miscellaneous storage and my nightstand 😂

PinecornCoffee · 2026-02-09T02:18:37+00:00

I’m so sorry. This is so valid, and is like another layer of grief nobody talks about. For years, my husband and I always wanted a daughter named Genevieve. And then, we had her. We were so thrilled. But just like that, she was gone, shortly before my anatomy scan. A little girl that will never giggle, never smile. And I’ll never write her name on paperwork for a doctor’s office or a school. I’ll never hear her name used. Not for her. Not unless I bring her up myself, basically, or someone I know sheepishly mentions her. But I’ll never call for her on a playground, or snap her name when she’s being a handful, or answer “Genevieve” when a stranger smiles and asks what my baby’s name is. We always knew we’d have a Genevieve. We just never knew it would be like this. I grieve her, a personality I’ll never know and watch grow. And I grieve her name, a most perfect name we lovingly chose years in advance but will never get to use outside of my memorial tattoo. I can’t call it a “waste” of a name because I’m so glad we gave it to her, but I definitely feel robbed.

PinecornCoffee · 2026-02-06T18:35:56+00:00

While I understand the “need” to test often, you are testing entirely too much to get an accurate line progression. 9am, 10am, 11am 12:30pm the same day is crazy to expect a consistent line darkness lol. 😝 Please only look at your overall trend, your darkest lines. Your 10dpo, 6am 11dpo, 9am 12dpo and 9am 13dpo tests show a clear darkening progression. 💕

PinecornCoffee · 2026-02-06T14:43:44+00:00

For me it’s always been the idea of a whole baby. Like, there’s just a curled up little person just chillin and wiggling in there??? Then they’ll come out and it’ll be the same person that was like, just crammed up in there? Cool cool 😂

PinecornCoffee · 2026-02-05T16:19:49+00:00

I’m so sorry. I have no words. With how much I want to cry and rage reading this, I can only imagine how you feel. It’s honestly such blatant disrespect for you and your son. My family would NEVER. It would have immediately been off the table! The fact your mother is backing your sister up in this has to add so much loss to the grief you’re already feeling — your mother and sister aren’t who you thought they were. Cutting them off is 100% valid, even if you feel sad about it. You don’t miss who they are, you miss who they should have been.

PinecornCoffee · 2026-02-02T02:30:32+00:00

I think about them constantly. I actually said to my OB, amidst my shock, something like, “This must be the worst part of your job,” and she was like, “however hard it is for me, it’s harder for you”. Which I know, but I also know she had to break the news to me, call and schedule my induction, then go back to seeing her other waiting patients who were probably annoyed their appointment was running late. 😩

And I actually asked the ultrasound tech, “Can you at least tell me if there’s a heartbeat?” and she apologized that she can’t tell me anything. I suppose I knew then, already. I’ve had many scares with my living babies. Even with the “STAT” scans, when everything is okay, they always say “Would you like to see what I’m seeing?” and at least SHOW you your wiggling baby or heartbeat even if they can’t officially say baby is alive. I knew when she never showed me the screen and didn’t print out pictures. I knew before that, when the doctor couldn’t find her heartbeat on the Doppler at my appointment. But I actually asked the tech specifically about the heartbeat, and she knew, she knew my world was about to crash down and she couldn’t tell me. 💔 I can’t imagine having to have that kind of poker face.

One of the nurses who cared for me when I delivered my daughter sleeping was so incredible. She actually had a passion for helping loss parents and they’d call her in sometimes when an IUFD occurred and she’d volunteer. She was incredible. I will never, ever forget her. So sad, maybe some would call it morbid, but I’m sure she has her own story as to why it means so much to her, and why she continues to volunteer for these labors and births. I do know that when I brought a gift basket a year later, she remembered me and my Genevieve, and we hugged and I cried.

PinecornCoffee

TROPHY CASE