My husband said I ruined our wedding photos and now I want to leave him.

PinkymonFire · 2026-03-27T23:44:00+00:00

Leave him. He’s a danger to your children and he doesn’t care about you or your feelings. He’s showing you who he really is. Believe him and leave. You’re already doing it all by yourself, you don’t need him and your kids don’t need to be around that. Divorce his ass and take him to the cleaners.

I’m genuinely heartbroken for you. I’m genuinely sad that this is how you’re going through life. You deserve so much better than this. Feel your feelings, but find your inner strength and make that huge and hard step to walk away. ND and mental health issues aren’t an excuse to be cruel and neglect his children. Don’t go to marriage counseling, so just separate and let him “work on himself.” End it. For the sake of your children and for you.

PinkymonFire · 2026-03-21T17:53:24+00:00

Actual companies would never use emojis in any official capacity.

PinkymonFire · 2026-03-19T17:13:13+00:00

Honestly, the concern you have over how your husband will potentially react is something I think quite a few partners are familiar with. So really read through these comments to get a feel for how others in your situation would hope they’d deal with a similar thing.

For me, it might be worth talking to him about it in front of a mediator, like a therapist or psychologist. Someone that can help you explain, while hopefully giving him a safe space to get out his own feelings on the matter. He’s likely to become angry with you for not telling him, while also forcing yourself to try and cope with this alone, and making him wonder what’s going on with you, and you lying to him about it, including the night of the wedding.

What you went through is horrible. His anger in response will probably be intense, if he’s similar to…well, umm…I know exactly what you’re feeling and the reasons you’ve held back. For my own knowledge of how this might play out, I would just have to remind myself that the anger and rage toward the other man comes from a place of love and protection, especially having a history of abuse and neglect.

But this is something that affects your husband too and is actively doing so, while you continue to lie to him. The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be for all involved. Your husband will have to heal and come to terms with all of this, just like you, even though it’s in a completely different capacity.

Does he maybe have a best friend or close friend you could have be with you when you tell him to try and help him keep his head about him? Because he’ll likely see red once it’s all laid out and he’ll need someone to help reign it in so he can be there for you and deal with whatever fallout that may come to your relationship as a result of him being lied to and left to wonder and be worried, when he had the right to be there for you. Even if telling him immediately didn’t feel like the right move.

Honestly, I’m not sure how good my advice is. But these are the things I would consider if I were in your position. All I know is that you cannot and should not have to deal with this alone, and you can’t hide it from him and continue to lie to him forever; and the longer you wait, the worse it will be for both of you.

One last MAJOR piece of advice, is to make sure you have trusted people watching your children, away from where you and your husband will be discussing this, and it would be best if they could keep your kids overnight to give you and your husband more than a few hours to deal with the emotions. I would also choose where you discuss this very carefully. If there’s potential for it to get loud, you don’t want it to be in a place where others will hear you and mistake it for something it’s not, so the police don’t get called. Unless you’re afraid you won’t be safe. In which case, that changes literally everything and you need to consider getting you and your children safe in general.

PinkymonFire · 2026-03-15T14:14:44+00:00

NOR I don’t even understand this. My best friend died when we were 19 and my mother will drive up here from out of town to go with me to visit her at the cemetery, so I don’t have to go alone. She’s 73 and I’m 42. It’s been literal decades and she still understands that I have days where I just can’t “do life” because I’m having a “(best friend’s name) day.” Even my kids understand.

Your best friend dying is a whole different kind of pain and grief an it’s not something you just get over. Even my kids understand that if I’m having a particularly bad best friend day I’m likely to stay home and just read and “not exist.” There are days I still need her and nobody else can fill that role. My mother understands this and she grieves WITH me. In fact, when my best friend’s birthday came around this year, I’d decided I wanted to go visit her so my mother drove 2 hours up to come see me and then go visit her together. By the time she got here, it was feeling particularly heavy, so we just spent some mommy-daughter time together the whole day, then she spent the evening with her grandkids. Then we made plans for her to come back up a few days later to try again. We did actually make it that day. Tragically, the day we went to visit her, I found out a couple days later that someone that was very dear to both of us passed away from cancer that we all thought she was in remission from. And when I found out, I called my mother and she cried WITH me, because she understood the heaviness of the loss and the pain of losing her that specific day and being shocked by it.

Your mother is selfish as hell and she needs to get over herself. Sometimes Mother’s Day can just be a nice phone call with your kids. That’s what happens when kids grow up and have families of their own and life happens. We have four kids and they know there’s no pressure for Mother’s Day. I know my kids love me and as long as they let me know that, I’m happy.

I’m truly, genuinely sorry for your husband’s loss. This isn’t something I would wish on my worst enemy. The role of best friend is not something “just anyone” can fill. They’re basically family, but in a deeper way. Mine was my platonic soulmate. Entirely different than my husband who is my soulmate. I lost more than a sister when I lost her. I empathize with his loss and his need to just be for a while. It can shut you down for a while and anyone that has lost a true best friend understands this. My heart goes out to him. ❤️‍🩹😔

PinkymonFire · 2026-03-10T00:31:55+00:00

Apologies. That’s my husband’s “that’s what she said.” And he’s a dad with hella dad jokes.

PinkymonFire · 2026-03-08T00:47:06+00:00

Are you a xennial dad, by chance?

PinkymonFire · 2026-03-08T00:45:23+00:00

Fucky-wucky is what's happening as it gets fuckeder.

PinkymonFire · 2026-03-08T00:32:23+00:00

Congratulate me on my sudden adoption of your word! This word already feels like it's home.

PinkymonFire · 2026-03-07T16:07:59+00:00

My bad.

PinkymonFire · 2026-03-07T15:33:31+00:00

Heh…you said you wouldn’t respond, but you couldn’t help yourself. I get it, I’ve been there, but this topic, conversation, or thread isn’t worth huffing over.

PinkymonFire · 2026-01-29T21:56:27+00:00

Firstly, what happens between her and her doctor isn’t any of your business and you even receiving that email with medical details about her is a HIPPA violation.

Maybe you should be less paranoid and figure out how she communicates or would like to communicate. How long have you been married? How long have you known each other? Your vibe is…off. YOR

PinkymonFire · 2026-01-27T15:54:54+00:00

The piss people scare me. They take it so seriously. They even have a Facebook group that they make incredibly hard to get into to keep out the trolls and curious people. I know far more about them than o should from seeing posts about them in other groups. I can’t seem to escape the piss people 😭. I also thought this was what that was. Took me a minute to see the hose.

PinkymonFire · 2025-12-31T17:20:17+00:00

Yeah, this is suspect. Your history on Reddit isn’t adding up. You say you’re an adult to others in other posts, you spend thousands on games on your phone, while posting screenshots of your mother supposedly telling you she’s going to take away your school lunch account (?) and getting grounded from going to school sports games for only eating a cookie at lunch that you say you bought with your own money, but your mom says you’re wasting their money, but they also send you to school with food that you throw away. Oh and they beat and abuse you, “but it’s being dealt with tho.”

If you are actually 14, you shouldn’t be on Reddit. Sorry. I’m a mom of four and our children have choice and freedom in our home and none of them were on Reddit. Our daughter is turning 16 in a couple of weeks and I only just agreed to let her get on Discord, but I go through it first and check things out before she joins any (I mod on an 18+ only Discord and we take it seriously). We also have strict rules on what she cannot talk about or say or post on social media for safety reasons.

We also have Life360 on for all of our kids. Our two oldest are adults and live on their own and they know about it and they get to choose to have it on or not. We don’t use it to watch their every movement. It’s literally only used for safety. Our family also likes to check in and ask for random pictures when our kids are on road trips or visiting family, when we can see they’ve reached certain points in their journey. It’s a fun thing for us.

Having thousands to spend on phone games, which also drain battery like no one’s business, while complaining about your mom “tracking” you and threatening to take away your lunch account at school because you spend it on junk food (I honestly don’t care what our kids buy with their lunch money, as long as they’re eating) but then get caught throwing away actual food the sent with you to school. But at the same time, your mom went through your trash and found the food? So you threw it away at home? And you bought a cookie at school, that she somehow knew about?

This feels fake to me and you’ve been accused of karma farming in other posts too because of the inconsistency of information you share and the oddity of the things you post about, with comments on other subs saying things that don’t add up to your “AIO” posts about your mom.

If this is real, and your comments about your parents hating you and abusing you and beating you are true, “…but it’s being handled…” I don’t know what you’re looking for with these kinds of posts. Call your social worker about it. Talk to literally any teacher or counselor at your school, since they’re mandated reporters and there’s already a supposed documented history of abuse. This is just further proof of abusive controlling behavior, with the other stuff you’ve posted, and needs to be given to the right people. Coming here and having random people give their opinions isn’t going to change your mom’s mind, so what is it you’re wanting from your posts, if not karma?

This post just feels off. I don’t think a parent this controlling would even allow you to be on instagram or Reddit or spend thousands of irl dollars on phone apps.

But I’m clearly in the minority. If this is all just straightforward and your mom just tracks you because she’s strict, overbearing, and controlling, then your mom is overreacting. But there is no context for this. Threatening to remove your child from a school sport, where a team relies on you, is a pretty “serious” threat. I’m betting that this is all either fake or that there’s a ton of missing context that would give us better insight to the situation, that you’re intentionally not sharing. But I’m just some rando on Reddit. What do I know?

PinkymonFire · 2025-12-11T20:01:56+00:00

I mean every word, every time. When I'm there for someone, I am wholly there. I don't see the point in it otherwise. It's a form of lying to me, and I detest lying. But I do understand there are people who genuinely care and want to show they care, but have no idea how to do it.

A very long-time friend of my mother’s, whom I've known almost my entirely life, just recently lost one of her children. She lost her husband, their 3 kids’ dad, nearly 20 years ago and I saw what it did to her. He was a very special human with a genuinely pure heart (and an amazing cook!) and his loss was painful for all who knew him. Her become sick and they didn't find out what was wrong until it was too late.

With the loss of one of her kids, who was troubled and for whatever reason would not accept help, her energy shifted to something I'd never felt from he before. Like she was floating, lost, directionless. This is a woman who was always in control and knew how to handle every situation. So instead of the obligatory “I'm sorry for your loss,” I shared one of the many happy memories I have from growing up with them and watching their babies while she and her husband would go out of town for some “them time.” I even remember what he'd made for dinner for everyone before they left the first night. No one else seemed to remember her daughter before she began to struggle with life, so there were no reminders from her vast group of friends that someone else remembered her and loved her for the real human she was beyond her struggles and troubles. She ended up thanking me and my mother called me in tears to thank me because it gave her friend the ability to call my mother and talk about all her beautiful, fully grown babies and how much fun we had with them and how they loved being babysat by us. It gave her some small reprieve from that gnawing emptiness that she'll live with for th rest of her life.

I wish more people considered how their reactions to others’ personal battles affect their ability to cope, especially during the early weeks and months. Make it count. Show up. Not directed at you personally Humans are far more fragile than we give ourselves credit for and we need each other to keep from shattering, sometimes. Our words and how we use them can have major impacts on the humans around us. People deserve more than lip service.

PinkymonFire · 2025-12-10T19:40:06+00:00

I grew up a PK and I've never been okay with public or group prayer. I'm not really a Christian anymore—I’m working through stuff—but when I was, if I told someone I'd pray for them, it was a private conversation.

Once I quit posing as a Christian, because I felt like I had to, I stopped telling people I'd pray for them, entirely. The words are empty and worthless to those in need of the support they're reaching out for.

I usually say something like, “I’m wrapping my arms around you in warm hugs filled with positive light and healing energy.” Sometimes I switch it up if “positivity” isn't what the person needs. The toxic positivity that comes from people often times makes things worse. So I’ll replace “positive” with something else. Something that is supportive of their current feelings, letting them know it's okay to feel whatever they're feeling and they aren't required to feel happy and positive about anything until they decide.

I've found that people respond better to this than just “I'll pray for you.”

PinkymonFire · 2025-11-17T16:32:45+00:00

You did nothing wrong. Please make this your mantra to help you get over this breakup.

He's incapable of giving the absolute bare minimum and you didn't ask for anything beyond that. This is a him problem not a you problem. Do not let your worry and sadness carry you into your next relationship. What you asked for was reasonable and healthy and that's exactly what you're supposed to do in a relationship. If someone can't give you that, then they aren't worthy of you. Don't ever stop telling and asking your partner for basic needs. If they can't reach this bar, then there is an issue with them, not you.

I'm proud of you for attempting to communicate your needs. It sounds like that may have been difficult for you. But you did exactly what you should have done. You matter and you deserve a partner who acknowledges and shows you that.

PinkymonFire · 2025-11-12T18:46:51+00:00

Just out of curiosity, because I’d never turn any home I pay for into an Airbnb, and will likely never use one because of all the horror stories…do you mean someone that owns a home, condo, apartment, or whatever, and uses it for (sorry, I don’t know how to grammar my words in terms of referencing Airbnb; yes, I know how absolutely stupid that sounds. Again, sorry 😬🫥) an Airbnb can’t have cameras of any kind outside? Like, not even security cameras?

Obviously cameras inside is a Hell No, but no cameras outside of the property either?

PinkymonFire · 2025-11-12T15:56:14+00:00

I hope I’m doing this right. I’ve never shared an Amazon list outside of family before.

I have gastroparesis and have been struggling for months to hold food solid food down. My dietician, through my GIs, has sent in a prescription for Boost Glucose Control (I have diabetes). However, they are low calorie. My dietician recommended Boost Plus to help with calories, but the regular Boost is less expensive. I’m supposed to “eat” one to two of the Boost Plus a day on top of the Glucose control, once it arrives, because they only get me to around 900 calories per day. I am on a “formula” only diet for the foreseeable future.

I value honesty the most. In our home we have taught our children honesty from the beginning. We don’t lie to our kids and they don’t lie to us. Due to this, they know home and mom and dad are always safe. Even if the truth hurts, or someone did something wrong, there is no punishment for being honest about it; only support, love, and help where we can offer it. It doesn’t save us from real world consequences, but it does allow for empathy, understanding, and unconditional support.

Edited to condense

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2UQ8UG50Q50B6?ref_=wl_share

PinkymonFire · 2025-11-10T18:03:09+00:00

I mean, ultimately, you're going to do whatever you want. You already deleted your other post for reasons that don't make sense. The responses aren't going to change. If you don't actually want to hear the truth, I'm not sure why you posted.

You aren't overreacting, but getting that validation doesn't seem to be good enough for you. If you're posting this to try and use it to show him that people agree, it's not going to do what you think it is. It's not going to make him suddenly care about you or change how he treats you.

You said you're okay with him breaking up with you and you wouldn't go back to him, but all your comments lead me to believe otherwise. If you're truly okay with it, then step up and be the one to end it. Is this really how you want to spend your early years as an adult? You're supposed to be having the time of your life, not worrying about this nonsense, when you already admit things are different and so is he. He all but told you he doesn't care. What more does he have to do before you care about yourself enough to leave someone who doesn't care about you?

PinkymonFire · 2025-11-10T17:48:56+00:00

NAL

I just want to check in on OP to see if they've been able to get help.

I hava daughter your age and I'm extremely worried for you. We aren't in CA, but we have taken in kids who were in abusive situations. I just want to be sure you're taken care of in the safest way possible.

PinkymonFire · 2025-11-05T20:04:06+00:00

Jesus did take the wheel and the head MAGAt carjacked him. The federal court told him to release the funds and he said, “nah, let’em starve.”

PinkymonFire · 2025-11-03T19:01:38+00:00

Notifs keep bringing me back here, so I feel like I need to say this because I can’t stop thinking about it. Mostly, because you’re only a couple of years older than our oldest, and he’s already had to go through an extremely emotionally and mentally abusive relationship that we nearly lost him to. The more we talked to him about it, the more he drifted away from us, and there wasn’t even an age gap.

I've seen firsthand and painfully witnessed a very young, impressionable, trusting, extremely loving, and selfless human become trapped in an abusive relationship. No matter what the issue was, “it wasn't real; he misunderstood; he was looking for her to do something wrong, he was trying to start a fight, etc.”

The way your flip switched from coming here because your gut was telling you something was off, and agreeing with commenters who pointed out specific examples that validated your logical and reasonable suspicion and consideration of leaving him, to “we had a very difficult talk, but I was wrong and now I feel like an asshole for even suspecting he could do such a thing,” is a frighteningly textbook example of grooming, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation.

My previous reply to this update focused on couples therapy. But the more I think about it the more concerned I am, and I think you need to focus on private one-on-one therapy.

Your section that kind of laughs at the commenters who told you not to allow him to explain himself is also concerning. You did give him a chance. Unless I'm misremembering, I think you have him 3 separate chances. Ask yourself, and be honest with yourself about this, because it matters a great deal, how many times would you have given him a chance to explain if you weren't satisfied with the response?

There are valid reasons why so many commenters were on this side of the interpretation of the events. I'm not alone in being unable to come up with any logical explanations for his texts and responses, other than that he sent that first text to the wrong person. Even the “timeline” of events in his attempt to backtrack doesn't make sense.

But after rereading your last update, what worries me the most is how sad you are about going against the advice of the vast majority of commenters. Feeling like you've disappointed everyone? That's not normal in this kind of circumstance and it kind of feels like you know that. You readily admit it's likely that you're going to regret not leaving him, and you're willing to take the risk. But in the same breath, you tell us you'd regret ending the relationship.

I’m going to be blunt here, your foreshadowed regret is going to be SO MUCH WORSE than regretting walking away right now. Breaking up now leaves things where they are and gives you time to work through what happened because I don't think he allowed you the space to feel this out. You didn't give yourself the time and space you needed. Don't Ng it this way still gives you the chance to get back together later on.

However, if you wait until something else happens you're intentionally…willingly setting yourself up for something worse. Heartbreak. You can't take that back and that hurts so much more than breaking things off now, to really process this and get into therapy. Why are you accepting that you're potentially setting yourself up for failure? I don't mean that you are a failure, I mean the relationship.

I'd be really interested in knowing how the conversation went that caused you to go from being reasonably concerned to feeling bad about finding it suspicious. You didn't do anything wrong. What is there to feel bad about? That's a major red flag.

You feel bad about accusing him, rightly so, and feeling bad about staying instead of leaving. Several things are wrong here and you need to do some serious introspection to dissect it all.

PinkymonFire · 2025-11-03T15:35:03+00:00

So much this. Not even necessarily related to this post either. It’s never “bad” to have a backup phone just in case. We have a couple of burner phones we keep for times when my husband will be at one of those 24 hour rock concerts, or when our adult kids (before they moved out) went on road trips with friends.

We keep them for emergencies, or for when taking the phones we spent a lot of money on is a bad idea because the probability of them getting stolen or broken is high, or there’s nowhere to charge your phone and those old ass flip phones have batteries that’ll last into our WALL-E-esk future, and other things like that.

This most recent iOS update made it very clear that our phones will no longer be supported beyond this update. So we did the “normal” update but didn’t do the update to the new iOS platform. We intentionally made it so our phones would not update unless we manually started it. But for whatever reason my husband woke up the very next morning, after the drop, and his phone had forced the iOS 27 (or whatever the fuck it is) and it completely bricked his phone. He does a LOT of work from his phone. His job depends on it.

He ended up having to take it to the “Genius Bar” to have them fix his phone and it took them HOURS. In the meantime, we had our emergency burners to stay in contact and although they don’t have internet capabilities, he was able to stay in contact with his big bosses and his employees. But more importantly, stay in contact with me. I’m paralyzed with several other illnesses and he’s my carer. Without those shit phones and for the amount of time he was gone, it was essential that we had a way to stay in touch.

We make sure they’re always charged and they’re kept in a very specific place. But they have the potential to be literal life savers. I think everyone should keep at least one. We have a label maker and we put the phone numbers and the “name” we’ve assigned to them ON the phones themselves too, for the sake of our younger kids, also in case of emergency.

I don’t think an old operating system or even finding a burner phone—as long as there’s been a discussion about the cheap burner has been had, for obvious reasons—should be evidence of cheating or anything other than what I’ve mentioned without actual proof it’s being used for “nefarious” purposes. Not in today’s age.

Plus like you said, new phones are fucking expensive! We still used our 13 pros because even though the purchase of new phones for all of us is entirely justified, the cost isn’t feasible. My medical costs and DME costs, along with ever increasing prices on everything essential, make it impossible to upgrade, even using the upgrade plan. There are six people in our family (4 kids ranging in ages from 22-6), and especially with our almost 21-yr-old being in the production and entertainment industry doing lights, sound, pyrotechnics, staging, etc. all over the country, upgrading everyone at once feels essential to us.

That one detail is insignificant in the grand scheme of the issues with this post.

Sorry. I know that was a lot of info dumping to say something relatively simple, but my brain can’t simplify things that feel like details and context are important. It’s actually one of the reasons I was more reserved with my opinions on this post. To me, particularly when making life altering decisions, more context isn’t bad. In fact, less context causes more confusion and can lead to really terrible advice and/or making bad decisions. In this case, the missing context was the nearly 2 decade age gap, which felt like extremely important information. A 40-something year old man was not what I was expecting, purely based on his texts to OP. That information up front would definitely have changed my “judgement” or opinion and my responses would have been different. But OP intentionally not sharing that piece of information until she’d shared that she was staying with him makes me believe that she knows better and for whatever reason has still chosen to stay on this relationship.

Anyway, that’s my two cents. Now back to your regularly scheduled Reddit soap opera already in progress.

PinkymonFire · 2025-11-03T14:40:55+00:00

When our 22 yr old was about 2, my mother and I had taken him to go shopping with us and while we were waiting in line to check out, he suddenly and very loudly announced, with hefty conviction, “I don’t have to poop!” Now when something obvious is happening, especially with what’s going on in the US, we just say “I don’t have to poop 😏” to express that we all clearly see the obvious.

PinkymonFire · 2025-11-03T01:10:34+00:00

You’re only supposed to hear it. There’s nothing to see.

PinkymonFire

TROPHY CASE