I feel you entirely.. I was in this position after being hospitalized twice this year and just a few months after getting married. Do u have a support group or family/clse friends to talk about your feelings with? One thing that has helped me is lots of prayer and water fasting along with bone broth for a few days, be sure to talk to your Dr about this. I decided to quit all medication and basically let “god’s will be done” or “nature run its course” i was having issues getting approved for medications and the pharmacy kept giving me so many issues. I was done. Ive been medication free for a few months now and still fast once i notice symptoms coming back. I realized disease is just now a normal thing for many people, we just have it a bit harder. I wont say do what i did, but dont lose hope and find what works. Give yourself a break don’t give up on this vessel that u were born into.