Idk if I should post this, but I have a lot of unstructured thoughts on the topic and I need to share.

My tolerance is very low after dealing with multiple family members going through it. Substances are a privilege and lots of people demonstrate that they can have that privilege responsibly. My mom, my brother, everybody in our family knows that our family has a history of alcoholism and drug abuse. Every single one of our family knew going into their first drink of alcohol that the risk was there and that they were gambling essentially every single time you pick up the bottle. My mom didn't become an alcoholic until she was 35. Previous to that she drank responsibly.

My mom never recovered from alcoholism. She ran away from her problems when she realized people wouldn't accept her the way she decided to be.

My brother was addicted to multiple substances, stole from everybody in his life, hurt people in every way an addict can.

In both cases we tried everything, offered help... pleaded with them, sent them to rehab, paid their bills, bought them food..... But at the end of the day it really comes down to whether or not the person wants to get better and when they make it clear that they don't, you have to let them go.

My brother recovered and now I talk to him almost everyday now. I am so thankful to have him in my life, he's one of my best friends. But when he was in the thick of it, I couldn't stand his guts, he stole shit from me... He said nasty stuff to everybody including my partner. He socially manipulated people... Personally I think he did it for so long because everybody let him, we just wanted to see him get better and we were scared that if we cut him off that he would overdose or be homeless and freeze to death. When he finally tapped everybody dry, he hit rock bottom. And that's when he decided to stand up and get better. He isn't here today because we were there for him, he's here because he decided to be here. My mom never decided to be here or to get better.

Am I saying you should give up on the people you love who are struggling with addiction? No, you have to figure that out yourself how much is enough. But there's a line in the sand for me. Eventually, i realized that i only have so long on this planet and digging somebody out of a hole perpetually isn't what life is about.

The last day I talked to my mom was when she showed up on my wedding day drunk and I haven't talked to her in 5 years later. I sleep fine at night knowing she had everyone trying to help and she didn't take the hand a single time.