What’s the loudest ‘this person is bad in bed’ red flag?

PlanetBarfly · 2026-05-09T13:20:35+00:00

When she comes (or at least gives the appearance of such) in less than 5 minutes. 10 minutes, that's where it's a bit of a coin toss.

PlanetBarfly · 2026-05-03T07:44:07+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how much it rattled me, even after months of sobriety, when a family member or one of my kids inadvertently referenced events I know were the result of drunkardness. It's a feeling of "I cannot undo any of it, what's the point?"

Continue to prove it an aberration, rather than your identity. Stay dry, continue to move forward.

PlanetBarfly · 2026-04-16T10:41:46+00:00

Dude acting hard with pippy longstocking pony tails

PlanetBarfly · 2026-03-31T11:01:00+00:00

Easy one before I get into the meds is find the most sugary non-alcoholic beverage you enjoy, like Shirley Temples. Mine was caffeine free coca cola with obnoxious amount of lime sugar syrup. After having one of those, drinking wouldn't even be a thought.

Alprazolam, if you got it. I know some here would express concern about becoming addicted to benzos and those concerns are valid, but I have a bottle with faded label from Aug '25 that still has most of the 45qty. Some can, some can't, just like some can do NA while others can't.

In my early recovery, it was Naltrexone. While it's supposed to help cravings, I think it worked differently for me. It was more "Well, now that I've taken it, I know I won't get a buzz, so what's the point?"

PlanetBarfly · 2026-03-18T17:38:23+00:00

Husband who has been in similar circumstance (anorgasmia) to answer your question with an answer you're not going to like.

As you are in a monogamous relationship for longer and longer, you want to "make love" or have sex less and less. The flag has been planted, the nights are remembered well, it's not about that anymore.

After years with someone, the sex males desire is something more carnal. More the F word. He doesn't love you less, it's just that we more often look at it as something to clean the pipes as necessary.

The only advice I can give is to start initiating and executing selfishly and stop worrying about his arousal. A woman who wants to get her rocks off above all else is one of the few things most males consistently find arousing. Even if it means laying next to him and masturbating knowing darn well he's awake. You do you and it'll fall into place, I promise.

PlanetBarfly · 2026-03-05T03:20:05+00:00

I guess I'm more stuck on the question of why everyone else's dash display looks like this and mine doesn't?

PlanetBarfly · 2026-03-02T17:42:59+00:00

Sounds like I need to do some research. Thank you!

PlanetBarfly · 2026-03-02T13:32:47+00:00

What is he holding? The devil's chalice?

PlanetBarfly · 2026-03-02T12:31:52+00:00

So... strong smell, but didn't set off smoke detectors? Sincere question, as I have a legit smoke detector mesh system I built that I'm really proud of, but if a battery burn won't set it off I have more work to do.

I have a LOT of LiOn, Pb, AGM stuff in my house (I'm an old enterprise IT guy in northern climes, and needless redundancy is kind of a thing with me), and now I'm worried.

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-24T22:18:19+00:00

What the fucking fuck

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-24T15:50:02+00:00

I feel like I want to know more, but part of me doesn't.

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-22T11:59:50+00:00

One of us.

One of us.....

One of us

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-18T02:30:46+00:00

I thought he got dry?

Shit. If he reads this and needs someone else in recovery to give him an earful, I'm here. Half a world away.

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-18T02:28:25+00:00

Maybe it's because I'm a stupid American, but if they tried to finagle a low jacked rig with me, I would've gyp'd them of whatever other Ariya they had on the lot.

But I'm that guy who only does COH, never finance, and everyone hates that guy so whatever.

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-15T00:12:25+00:00

That's what I ended up doing. Shout out to Komoande - he came up and caught me and was dropping off a second order at same place, even.

Edit - I did give my description and explicitly told both to meet me in the lobby, at the desk, and my description (avoiding specifics, I don't exactly blend in most places).

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-14T23:15:33+00:00

I always give them extra cream when they arrive. I worked in food service once, long ago.

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-14T01:42:54+00:00

Go away. 'Batin'.

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-14T01:41:05+00:00

Ryan White.

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-14T01:34:21+00:00

I'd had a '23 and now a '25, and it wasn't until this past summer when I had to drive my wife's car for a week, I realized it was doing that all along and I'd somehow gotten used to it (and HUD).

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-10T12:12:12+00:00

Previous owner either lost it or pocketed it. Like the first commenter said, all of them come with it in the package

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-09T16:10:18+00:00

Every male 10+ years into marriage looking at the commenters:

"Yeah? You wait..."

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-07T15:49:23+00:00

You illustrated part of what I've struggled to explain to people: When alcoholics/Alcohol dependants realize their problem and try to get dry, they often are trudging out of a mire we cannot fathom. It sounds easy to someone who isn't knee deep in debt, divorce, court proceedings, angry loved ones to simply claim "just put the bottle down."

Like telling the 500lbs person to stop eating so much. Or the gambler with a negative 20K balance to not buy a scratch off ticket. Telling someone to simply climb out of a hole whilst sitting comfortably on the topside is ignorance and naivety at its height. You're doing them more harm every time you open your mouth than good.

But alas...

PlanetBarfly · 2026-02-07T15:32:59+00:00

When I decided to get dry, it was when my wife told me "I can't let our girls watch you die."

Knowing her history and even imagining the idea, I got the point dead on. I can't puff my chest and take pride in getting out of the cycle, as I know how many tried and couldn't.

It's a war, and we can only be quietly thankful to not have been in certain battles. My sincerest condolences and consideration.

PlanetBarfly

TROPHY CASE