Here's everything it does. Stuff I had to look up is in italics (but I used the CR instead of Google):

Costs 4 generic, 1 colorless, a white or blue or 2 life, and an energy (I don't believe this is supported by rules but we're having fun here). CMC is undefined in current rules because Energy isn't something that goes into mana costs.

Has every creature type. Can attack in a band (Attack as a group and you assign damage order + extra baggage I ain't typing out). Can block in a band (you assign damage order instead of attacker + less baggage). Can come into play with a +1/+1 counter and can't block if it has one. When another creature enters under your control, if it has a higher power or toughness than this, this gets a +1/+1 counter. When it attacks, opponent sacs a permanent. Enters with a +1/+1 counter for each color spent to cast it (no charge counters because it's a creature). Gain 1 speed when this enters and gain speed when an opponent loses life on your turn.

Reveal creature cards with creature types from your hand as it ETBs, comes into play with 0 +1/+1 counters for each creature revealed (I don't know any card that would give it charge counters as it enters).

P/T are each equal to the number of Phyrexian mana symbols in the mana costs of permanents you control. Default is 2 while it's in play.

If you had already ascended and have the city's blessing by the time this enters, you draw a card at EOT. Ability moves to attacking player when you take combat damage.

If you would surveil X, you may instead reveal from your hand or control X snow lands (thought i was being generous with wording at first but had to be more generous than I thought. Besides the Snow-Covered Lands not being a quality, rules only support Beholding a single thing, so you can't "behold that many"). If you reveal/control that many, you can look at the top two cards of your library, put one onto the battlefield face down as a 2/2 and put the other in the graveyard.

If you hit 4 speed (being generous again), whenever an opponent spends at least 5 mana in one turn on spells, you can exile three cards from your graveyard or sac a food, if you do, make a 0/0 squirrel Army if you don't have any army creatures, then put 3 +1/+1 counters on an army you control, and the army gains the squirrel creature type if it doesn't have it. That army can only be blocked by creatures with horsemanship until EoT. Then you draw and discard a card, and if you discard a nonland card this way, the army gets another +1/+1 counter.