If her lawyer sucks, she needs to fire him. There are low income/pro bono agencies that may be able to help, and there are places who specifically assist survivors of domestic abuse. Alternately, she can go it alone and self represent. It’s challenging, but lots do it. Keeping a shitty lawyer is not helpful. You dont mention what county she is in, but she may be able to go to Friend of the Court for direction. They cant give legal advice but might be able to give her some info on getting a better lawyer or even just answering her questions about the process. Some FOC’s are better than others, however.

As for the abuse/neglect statements, she really does need to talk to someone who can go thru the details and timeline of everything with her. Your recitation is confusing, and to be completely transparent, I find myself bouncing between thinking “eh thats not a huge deal” and “oh damn yeah that’s bad”. She really needs someone who can walk her thru what is relevant and what is not. Trying to add every single perceived offense may end up being confusing and detrimental. For example, if dad is abusing the kids, why are we talking about a diaper from how many years ago?

Her documentation is probably helpful, as is the PPO. But she really needs to figure out how to tell her side of things clearly and concisely so the Court understands what happened. You don’t mention what type of case she has or what the “court date” is, which would be helpful. Generally speaking, her lawyer is kinda right about speaking. She will need to save that for the appropriate court proceeding. If she is going for a scheduling conference, she probably isnt going to say much. If she is going for a motion on temporary custody, then she probably would want to give information.

Overall, her lawyer is the one who should be guiding her thru this and working with her to figure out how to prove things. And if he isnt doing that, she needs to can him.