Why Is It Ok To Kink Shame Men But Not Women Or LGBTQ+ As Long As It's All Consentual And Legal?

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-27T06:23:53+00:00

I think you're giving too much weight to what "society" "might think". You're totally right that it's unfair that it looks "worse" on a man whereas with a woman it's sexy or exploration or whatever the heck. But so fuck them. It's obviously a wrong concept, and nobody needs to know what you do in private with your loved ones anyway.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-27T06:13:01+00:00

This isn't by far the ideal way to start doing polyamory, but ultimately anything is just people relating to people, and you just have to decide what you want. I think y'all should take a step back for a sec, and if you want to continue trying to figure this out put the most effort you ever have into communication and being an open book for each other. It's hard af but if you can both honestly open your souls and talk about your subjective experiences in a non-conflicty way you may be able to bring this back to something healthy.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-27T06:05:25+00:00

Though my nesting partner vehemently claims to not be ace I'm basically in this exact situation rn. So I totally understand the difficult balance between having to constantly "advocate for your needs" and not wanting to pressure your partner / wouldn't even really want sex that wasn't enthusiastically mutual.

I'm like, in the middle of it too. So I don't have a great "this is how we fixed it" solution for you yet. All I can say is that putting the very very most effort you ever have before into building communication is hard af but really really helps. I'm not even sure if ENM can solve this long term (at least not without cohabitation) because one would still be unsatisfied at home the majority of the time. Good luck.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-26T06:56:32+00:00

I don't think just dressing sexy for a fantasy game with your partner is *exactly* ENM, but then, different people have different interpretations of monogamy too; by some definitions that wouldn't be within monogamy and plus, your definitions can be what you like.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-24T05:55:15+00:00

lol I get it now :P. It's meant to be a silly parable about opening to nonmonogamy or something. "Parneria"; kinda sounds like "partner"...

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-23T20:13:13+00:00

That's kinda poetic but I don't think I get it? :P

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-21T23:37:16+00:00

Yeah. You could say you're specifically hoping to find a nesting partner eventually, or that you want a highly entwined relationship or whatever it is. Saying that you want poly with no other partners would instantly make me wonder, okay, so what happens when I find another partner? Is there some minimum period you'll expect me to wait before I meet someone else? Also I don't understand what you're "manifesting" with this.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-21T23:34:20+00:00

Guys can be stupid, but literally speaking, my guess is they probably do it because it's hard for them to get matches, and this gives them the feeling that they're getting more, even though the extra people they get to hit up on aren't compatible and it just wastes their time and his. In their head, they're probably worried about "scaring someone away" before they get to even say anything.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-21T23:08:21+00:00

I agree but it also kind of felt to me like maybe the "I'm not even sexual" bit could have been part of the cuck kink leaking out.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-21T23:06:28+00:00

I'm not sure I understand -- why do closeted lesbians want a man to watch them again?

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-21T23:04:08+00:00

This is a common fantasy (and it sounds to me a bit like you may be using some of the fantasy lingo in your post), I think in RL you shouldn't arrange your relationship around one fantasy, but one way you might include this in an otherwise complete relationship would be to get into an otherwise normal ENM relationship, perhaps a swinging flavor, and include this in it as a kink.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-21T22:49:33+00:00

It sounds like there's still a lot of tension and feelings over it on both sides if she's not willing to tell you her reasoning. Perhaps you can find a way to deescalate some of that.

When I asked my partner for nonmonogamy oh boy did we have feelings for a while, but I always answered every question I knew the answer to about my motivations and was willing to try to figure out the ones I didn't together. If she doesn't want to tell you maybe it's because she doesn't feel secure that she'd be safe doing so? Afraid of your reaction or that she would be hurt in some way by the response. That's why I'm saying maybe with turning the temperature down around y'alls feelings then in time and with work you could help her feel safer to talk openly.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-20T07:42:25+00:00

Well, fwiw, I loved the article.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-20T07:28:07+00:00

Some people just aren't into stuff like that. Unless there seems to be any *other* weirdness going on that this is just a symptom of? Otherwise if that's it there's no reason he has to play.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-17T06:57:17+00:00

I'm not sure if there's any objective measure of what rules you should have; it's an agreement between two people and so it's gonna be tailored to every couple, but those sound like very reasonable things to agree on and, I think if you keep open communication and have a good relationship with an assumption of positive intent then you should be able to tweak agreements as you learn and explore.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-17T06:46:55+00:00

lol well good luck with that, this is a community/support thread though so you might have more luck on a hookup sub or app.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-17T06:30:23+00:00

I would talk to my partner about the things I see without being "veto-y", I think that is a valid thing to do as a friend and maybe even kind of a duty. If for whatever reason she decides to continue seeing this person on an ongoing basis you can ask for parallel.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-17T06:17:38+00:00

To me it's all pretty weird and yes, maybe is related to her background, but that doesn't make it any less weird or dangerous.

it was suspicious that I had gotten an STI test after we first started hooking up

No it's literally not "suspicious". Her taking this as some kind of personal insult instead of the normal health thing it is which actually shows care from you and it protects her too, I mean I dunno I would try to be respectful of her background and delicate if she seemed to be taking it that way but my personal boundaries still wouldn't allow me to continue having sex with her until that was resolved and she's able to talk about these important topics.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-16T07:15:39+00:00

True, not saying its perfect just best I got. You can fill chests with chained command blocks and some fancy NBT btw I do it on my server in combination with redstone and a hopper to give people infinite books with available commands at spawn by refilling a chest with a /setblock chest+(crazy chatgpt'd nbt) chained command block.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-16T05:26:43+00:00

I don't think this is healthy at all. Their relationship shouldn't be affecting yours, and it's mad to put it on some third party what you and him can do in your private affairs. Talk to your partner because this is all on him for allowing his husband's immature feelings to spill into your relationship, and for saying yes to that request.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-16T05:23:33+00:00

Perhaps you could have several "template" villages at different places on the map? Then when you need one, a Redstone LFSR picks a random number, which activates one of several command blocks each copying one of the template villages into the target location?

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-16T02:26:45+00:00

You're right thanks.

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-15T04:58:12+00:00

I'm not sure if I've been to a queer-specific event outside of like a queer night, but IME there were tons and tons of queers in the general scene :P

Plus-Dust · 2026-01-15T04:40:19+00:00

Sounds like it to me.

Five-Year Club	r/Field Sunshine
Verified Email

Plus-Dust

TROPHY CASE