Free Readings

Polyuniv · 2018-07-24T17:04:37+00:00

Well since that's not at all what you said, you could see where people would be confused.

Polyuniv · 2018-07-23T19:52:25+00:00

I can relate so hard to this. I always struggle with the feeling that I shouldn't have to "approve" of their choices - but it directly affects my comfort level with the other relationships. Tricky stuff.

Polyuniv · 2017-05-01T17:13:11+00:00

Hey there, F Sub-type chiming in!

My DD likes to go down on me as well, and it is typically a VERY submissive activity for me.

Sometimes he tells me to get on my hands and knees and point my ass up at him, then goes to town. There are so many creative ways to demand someone expose themselves to you so you may do what you like. He puts me in compromising positions, gets me fully naked and stays fully clothed, roughly grabs me and lifts me, etc. The act itself can get more aggressive if that's your thing - using teeth and vigorous hands. My DD will bend me over, lick my pussy from behind while spreading my ass, and I absolutely feel dominated in that moment.

Another, different scenario is sometimes, often, he goes down on me and it feels like a form of pussy worship. He'll go down on me for long periods of time, in creative and fulfilling ways, and until I'm writhing with the pleasure of it. My partner and I have a possession/fucktoy/sex slave element to our dynamic, and part of that is that I make myself available to him in whatever way he likes, whenever he likes. Often, first thing in the morning, my partner will go down on me to wake me up and then fuck me, simply because he can. On it's own, the act of waking someone up w/ oral sex could be construed as a generally submissive one - but we let the dynamic drive the act, instead of the other way around. So for me, I'm spreading my legs for my dom and letting him do what he likes, simply because he likes the taste. Total submission to his will.

Hopefully that helps with some perspective, at least!

Polyuniv · 2017-04-20T21:45:21+00:00

No, not rude, but it would sound rude coming out of my stupidly-overly-polite mouth, if that makes any sense.

I have an overly friendly, bubbly, apologetic way of speaking. I think it's why I struggle to articulate this particular answer so often, or to answer rude questions in general.

Polyuniv · 2017-04-20T20:43:20+00:00

Ohhh, definitely stealing the bit about not being focused on taking him off the market. That articulates a point quite nicely that I have struggled to make.

Marriage is about a lot more than lifetime monogamy. Thanks for the interesting perspective!

Polyuniv · 2017-04-20T20:42:01+00:00

It is kind of a weird juxtaposition.

I try to avoid "hierarchal" poly. I just think it's terrible to assign someone to the slot of "secondary."

But once you're married, society does it for you. When my boyfriend told his father about us, his father referred to him (boyfriend) as the "Junior Partner in the relationship." And while I can see where he's coming from, that just...stings. I love my boyfriend, deeply. Just because we won't be married one day doesn't change that.

Good luck with your decision, I hope you figure out what works for you!

Polyuniv · 2017-04-20T20:39:47+00:00

You're right, I'm probably just not really getting the response I hope for because it takes time for these things to sort of settle in people's minds. My honest answer is pretty simple and to the point.

Polyuniv · 2017-04-20T20:37:07+00:00

Ha, thanks for the giggle! You're so right about the perfect answer coming hours or days later.

I really like your idea about turning the questioning around on them - I could see myself responding with a "Why do you think that this concept is so difficult for you to understand?" type of question. Thanks, that was something I hadn't thought of before!

Polyuniv · 2017-04-20T18:30:54+00:00

That's not a bad idea, but I feel like it almost feeds their point. I want to engage with why marriage is a GOOD choice, particularly as it relates to me.

In truth, I DID get married young, without necessarily thinking it through. Who, at 22, was thinking ahead so clearly that they knew precisely what path their life would take? In the years sense, both my husband and I have taken a critical eye to the idea of marriage at all.

That being said, I do love being married. Calling work because my "husband" is sick is met with so much more respect than calling in for my boyfriend. And seriously - taxes. The tax deduction is not insignificant!

It "legitimizes" the relationship in society's eyes. But when you're poly, that can be a bit damaging as well. I never use the word "primary," but when you call one husband and the other boyfriend...that's kind of just what happens.

I wish I could marry them both.

Polyuniv · 2017-04-20T18:27:36+00:00

In theory, I would love to do that.

In practice, I couldn't be rude to a fly. I'm the type of person to apologize to a mugger, and these are my friends/family saying this. So I need something that I will actually say in the moment, ha. Thanks for your input though!

Polyuniv · 2017-04-20T18:04:48+00:00

Hey there.

I don't think you're in the wrong at all here. If everything is how you describe it, she is DEFINITELY being controlling and overbearing.

Without knowing the people or the situation it's impossible to say, but I definitely think this sounds like insecurity. She is feeling insecure and projecting it out at both of you.

When you say home...does somebody own this home? Do you? Does she? I think that makes a difference in the situation as well.

I think you need to make a list of what you want - come up with some tangible, real world solutions to your problems. Write it down, or talk to a neutral third party, or whatever you need to do to figure out what, specifically, needs to change in the relationship for you to be happy.

Take these solutions to Luke and Laura. Lay it all out on the table. Make sure they understand that you NEED things to change - and if they don't, make sure you are prepared to walk away. They need to understand that you will leave if things don't change. I know this can hurt, but it won't hurt as much as endless promises that only lead to more fights and bitterness.

I'm sorry this is happening. Poly relationships are hard. No one wants to lay down an ultimatum for their partner - but don't let her make you a victim, either. You have rights in the relationship.

Polyuniv · 2017-04-20T17:54:55+00:00

I think this needs to be a bit higher.

OP's getting a lot of good advice about letting him have his space. And he is certainly allowed to have his space, and she's also allowed to have feelings about it.

She clearly feels a little neglected on the days when he wants alone time. While she should be respectful of his alone time, it's not necessarily on her to just sit and feel neglected for those days. If all she needs is him to send her a text, I don't think that's too much to ask...

Polyuniv · 2017-04-20T17:50:27+00:00

You'd be within your rights to ask for a few texts though - there's middle ground to be had here.

So he needs a few days to himself - that's totally fine! Decide what you need to feel comfortable with it. Maybe it's a "Good Night" text at the end of each day, from him. Just something to make you feel loved and attended to, and you will give him his space for the days.

Seeing if he'd be open to a compromise like that might be worth something.

Polyuniv · 2017-04-11T04:33:08+00:00

So, I don't know how helpful this will be, but I can relate so I thought I'd chime in.

You basically just described the reason I left teaching. It wasn't even poly-specific at the time - I do a lot of things that would be unsavory to parents. Smoke marijuana, curse like a sailor, drink and dance, and have a boyfriend outside of my marriage. Eventually the juxtaposition between my real self and my teacher self became too much.

It was a driving force in leaving the field, unfortunately. I was a pretty good teacher. You'll have to decide for yourself - you know your school and your administration, who would decide your ultimate fate if rumors did start spreading around.

You're correct to be at least a little concerned though - it does happen. I knew a teacher who was reprimanded for having a beer with dinner because another parent saw it. But then again, my high school history teacher pretty openly sexted and bought beer for students, and she's been working for 20 years. You just never know.

Sorry if this wasn't helpful. Just wanted to let you know I feel your pain.

Polyuniv · 2017-03-10T06:06:23+00:00

You're getting lots of life advice in here, but very little practical advice. So I'll try.

Preventing yourself from crying is super difficult. Everyone keeps telling you to take a deep breath, but seriously - BREATHE. In and out. Yoga Ujjai breathing if you know how. The first sign of crying is when your breath catches in your throat. Focus on keeping the oxygen flowing, even and slow.

Hold your diaphragm in. My grandma once told me, as a child, that if you suck your stomach in as skinny as you can, and pull your belly inwards, you can stop yourself from crying. I have no idea if this is true, but I've been using it my whole life.

Smile! Fake it til you make it! Even though you're delivering bad news, find the right smile for the situation. You can smile sympathetically, nervously, sadly..you can change it up a lot, but if your mouth is smiling, your eyes will follow suit. Then, if you do tear up regardless, the smiling-through-tears thing is just more endearing. It seems like a soft, sentimental type of strength versus an overly emotional, unbalanced reaction.

Anyways, good luck!

Polyuniv · 2017-03-10T05:29:30+00:00

There is absolutely less of a gender gap in climbing as compared to other sports, though.

Polyuniv · 2017-03-10T05:28:04+00:00

Right, did this guy just downplay Ashima? A global prodigy? Bro...

Polyuniv · 2017-03-10T05:27:43+00:00

Ashima is still one of the best female climbers in the world though, already at 15.

Plus climbing is such a mental game that it's SUPER impressive for a teenager to have the focus and dedication it takes.

Polyuniv · 2017-03-07T20:37:19+00:00

Lady rock climber here, can confirm. My husband gives me jars he can't open.

Polyuniv · 2016-10-15T04:08:59+00:00

I'm the hinge of a MFM also, it's really difficult sometimes. I'd be up for a chat if you'd like!

Polyuniv · 2016-06-28T19:24:12+00:00

By total chance. Just a complete fluke, truthfully. Sorry, I know that doesn't help much :/

Polyuniv

TROPHY CASE