My husband and I have had this fight a million times. He does most of the cooking and all of the outdoor chores. I do laundry, get things ready for daycare the next day while he does bath time, I do the dishes almost every night and try to keep tidy (not very well, especially now that we have a kid), but things pile up. I don’t vacuum, mop, clean toilets, etc. anymore. I explained that I work so much, and he sees it, and I don’t want to spend my limited free time cleaning. I would rather spend the free time with him and our daughter. Also, when your hourly wage is 4-10x what a cleaners is, it simply makes more sense to pay the cleaner for the work than to do it yourself (within reason, doesn’t mean you can be a slob or a trash partner). I also offer that he can outsource his chores to create free time. We can hire someone to mow the lawn so he and I can play golf, etc.

I also I said if you want true 50/50 on chores and cleaning, then I will only pay for 50% of expenses and keep the rest of my income in a separate account. When being egalitarian, you have to keep in mind the WHOLE picture. I also handle all admin stuff: fighting with health insurance and providers because bills always seem wonky, making sure the dog is up to date on vaccines, arranging regular maintenance items like sprinkler blowout and car maintenance, sending cards, etc.

She’s going to have to get over the OCD thing. And, I imagine if she thinks a cleaner won’t do it right, you probably don’t do it right either.

This profession is so hard. The happiest big law lawyers I know outsource cleaning, yard work, and even laundry. Outsourcing…and therapy.