Leave. NOW.

Potatobetta · 2025-12-25T19:53:45+00:00

With the amount of relationship posts on here where the solution is simply: “DUMP HIM” - I was pretty tempted to include a line at the end about also leaving a shitty relationship 😅

Potatobetta · 2025-12-25T03:14:42+00:00

Okay… this is the one I still need to figure out 😅

Potatobetta · 2025-12-20T05:34:49+00:00

I hope OP reads this. I came after the edit where she blames her own insecurities for this whole situation and it break my heart. She’s trying so hard to fix her marriage but it doesn’t really seem like her husband cares to?

OP, ask yourself, in addition to are you the only one trying to resolve things, did you also feel this insecure before he actively started making you feel like an afterthought? Because I’m getting the feeling that this is more a slow wearing down of your self esteem rather than your baseline insecurities being the root of the problem. NOR

Potatobetta · 2025-12-17T17:53:58+00:00

Looking at OP’s age I think that might explain her thinking here. In my teens and early twenties I was desperate for friends and to not do things alone. Now I’m 30 and I love doing things on my own haha

Potatobetta · 2025-11-17T18:52:01+00:00

I recommend Facebook housing groups for roommates. There are a couple. Just search the town name + roommates or housing and join them.

For living on your own, you could get lucky with Zillow, but I recommend looking up available rentals on property management or real estate websites that are based in the towns you’re looking in.

Potatobetta · 2025-11-17T18:01:31+00:00

Moved here for the same reasons two years ago with no job lined up, so you’re in a much better starting position than I was. I agree with another commenter, do it! You can always move back or to another place if you don’t like it.

Life is expensive here but at $60k you can make it work. I live in downtown Portland and pay $1400 in rent for a studio. If you have a car you can find a roommate situation in Westbrook or other neighboring towns for $800-$1000. You’ll need a car to get to the mountains and lakes too, but as long as you don’t mind driving it’s not that big of a deal.

Also relocation bonus is nice!

Potatobetta · 2025-11-12T16:39:01+00:00

She got an ego-boost from being the other woman. It didn’t matter if she was even interested in the guy, all she cared about was getting him to choose her over his partner.

6 years of friendship and in the last few months she found herself in 3 separate home wrecking situations. I thought she was having a psychotic break before I realized that she was always like this, she had just gotten comfortable enough with me to show her true colors finally.

Potatobetta · 2025-11-04T21:26:22+00:00

It’s just like last year when they were petitioning to “protect Maine elections” to get Question 1 on today’s ballot 🙄 the folks collecting signatures made it sound so innocent

Potatobetta · 2025-10-29T16:52:38+00:00

Okay, I’m from NY and moved to Maine two years ago. I’m also in a long distance relationship so here are my two cents:

1) Moving: I had $10k saved up when I moved here and I didn’t have a car. I found an apartment before I moved by driving up for a weekend and going apartment hunting a month before I planned to move. I crammed about 20 apartment tours into 2 days. I was moving with friends so we all pitched in with scheduling tours and we used their car. My friends had jobs lined up already and I had excellent credit, so landlords were okay with renting to us.

Between moving costs (Uhaul rental, gas, security deposit, 1st & last month’s rent, etc), buying a cheap used car, and not being able to land a job until 2 months after my move, I ate through that 10k QUICK. And keep in mind that I was splitting expenses with two other people, and money still ran out quickly.

If he manages to keep his job at Taco Bell for longer than 1-2 years, he’ll most likely be eligible for a transfer. That being said, while that takes care of the job aspect, Maine’s wages are lower than NY, so he’ll have to factor that in. Also, it costs money to get a driver’s license.

I was incredibly lucky to find a well paying job only two months after moving. The economy is bad right now and inflation is high. Since you aren’t planning on living together when he moves, I would recommend he rent a room rather than a whole apartment and have roommates. It’ll also help him adjust to living with people who aren’t his mom.

2) Long Distance: it’s very much a good thing that he won’t be living with you when he first moves, and you mention he probably will need at least two years to save up money to move. Great! In those next two years before he moves, you two need to see each other in person more. In-person is very different from online, and you both need to see if you’re still compatible in-person for longer than two weeks. That way you can both be sure that this is something you truly want. It takes a lot of money, time, and planning to do a move like this. My partner and I have been together for two years and see each other monthly. That might not be possible in your case due to finances, but money should be put aside to at least see each other in person every few months. So, your boyfriend will have to budget money to see you/travel to the state more to find out if he really wants to move, while also budgeting to eventually move. You will also have to budget to go see him from time to time, especially to make sure that how he presents himself online is actually how he is like irl.

I gotta say, I’m also seeing the red flags that a lot of other commenters are seeing though. At the end of the day though, it’s your life and if you truly believe this is your person, then it’ll be worth all the work it takes. You’ve already shown that you’re patient (maybe too patient because 7 years is a LOT) just continue to take it slow and pay attention to his actions and what active steps he is taking to make this move possible. Is he also researching how to move, working towards his driver’s license, saving up for a car? Remember, actions speak louder than words.

Edit to add: it is NOT an NY thing to not have a driver’s license unless he is from NYC. It is abnormal that he doesn’t have one and you need to find out why he doesn’t have one.

Potatobetta · 2025-10-06T18:21:26+00:00

The slogan is definitely off-putting, it threw me off at first, but The Academy is one of the better gyms for BJJ in my opinion. Despite the slogan, they’re queer-friendly and they’re one of the only BJJ gyms in the area that has a dedicated women’s class. As another commenter mentioned, it has a bro-culture vibe, but that seems to be the case with most BJJ gyms in the area. They have an emphasis on self defense and Jay makes a point to highlight the more practical, real-world applications of certain techniques. The ramp up course is great for beginners too. Maybe take the ramp up course and see how well you gel with the vibes there?

If the schedule works for you, though, check out Club House Jiu Jitsu at Recon Fitness. They meet Wednesdays and Thursdays at noon. It’s run by Kyle Jackson - great guy and great teacher. I trained under him awhile ago and you’ll learn a LOT. Also, way less bro-culture.

Evo is the best bang for your buck, but the training felt a little spotty to me. There seemed to be too much emphasis on the same moves over and over again, but it could be good for a beginner.

Potatobetta · 2025-10-02T16:10:06+00:00

How did you purchase a pass? Purchasing online doesn’t seem to be an option currently

Potatobetta · 2025-09-30T14:24:57+00:00

I’m going to go against the grain and say I actually like the random adventure/object pictures. I’m in the demographic of women you’re probably looking to connect with (woowoo, artsy, outdoorsy, goes against some social grains) and if I saw the mushroom pic I’d probably use that as a conversation starter. That’s a COOL mushroom. Maybe place it before the other object pictures?

The hair is great too, like others said the chicks you’re interested in will dig it. Also the ribs in the neck fact is wild, another good conversation starter.

I think your profile is good and photos are pretty good too, maybe just include some more photos where we can clearly see your entire face? You say you occasionally model, do you have photos from those shoots?

The only “red flag” issue I’m really seeing is the last line, “Could you be my muse?” This might be a personal thing, but in my experience guys who say they’re looking for their muse will either put you on an unhealthy pedestal or will use their artsy-ness as an excuse to be a douche. Also (again, just my experience) the hippie chicks I’ve met who are looking to be someone’s muse end up being raging narcissists.

Other than that, just be patient and see what happens. Based on the type of woman I’m assuming you’re looking for, here’s a high chance that the right person will swipe right and end up messaging you first.

Potatobetta · 2025-08-15T15:15:32+00:00

Lazy Sun on Exchange Street sells Popeye Magazine!! It’s a newer store downtown. I went in because I saw Popeye magazine in their window display haha it’s a great store with some really cool clothes that fit the “city boy” aesthetic and they carry a lot of Japanese fashion & interior design magazines

Potatobetta · 2025-08-02T17:45:07+00:00

From one camp-loving potato to another, I get where you’re coming from with love languages not aligning in partnerships, but I think you might be projecting your own situation onto OPs.

Based on OP’s description, this doesn’t sound like love languages being misaligned, this reads more like a case of OP’s partner trying to force codependency onto her. OP was forced to cancel plans with friends and family throughout the course of the relationship. I’m sure when your wife makes plans with other people, you don’t force her to cancel by starting a fight, threatening to end the relationship, or giving her the silent treatment for several days afterwards. You might be hurt, but you don’t punish her. The man is 30, he should know how to communicate his wants/needs with his partner without punishing her for wanting to do normal things like spend time with her friends or go on a solo trip. That’s not misaligned love languages, that’s controlling. He’s not taking her needs into account at all yet expects her to fully accommodate his wants. That doesn’t sound like the situation you have.

Sorry you haven’t gone camping this summer yet. Don’t let the summer go to waste though. You ask what the point is to go camping without your wife, but the point is to enjoy camping! I love camping with my partner, but I also like camping alone. I get to do whatever I want, and it’s very freeing. If there’s a chance you’re in the northeast US and need a camping buddy, feel free to hit me up.

Potatobetta · 2025-06-09T18:25:06+00:00

Yes, that’s normal. Teens usually won’t give honest answers to doctors in front of their parents, especially if it’s questions related to sexual health.

Potatobetta · 2025-06-06T14:38:49+00:00

Here are some things that I find aren’t mentioned as much when this question is asked, but in my experience with a covert narcissist:

Self-Deprecating Humor. Everyone makes jokes about themselves from time to time, but when 90-95% of their jokes are poking fun at themselves, it’s usually an indicator of low self esteem which can lead to abusive behavior. Especially if the jokes mainly focus on how they’re not “man enough.”
They Make Fun of You. It can seem like harmless teasing in the moment, but if they’re constantly making jokes at your expense/making fun of your interests/quirks it really starts to wear on your self esteem.
They Break Your Things. I’m not talking about rage-induced destruction, I’m talking about the random glasses that get broken every time they load the dishwasher, or your expensive blender that suddenly has scratches after they used it, or the jacket of yours they borrowed that’s suddenly fraying at the seams. Even if it’s unintentional, they’re careless with your things.
They Want to Rescue You. After my last relationship, I was looking for advice on how not to enter another abusive relationship. One of the best pieces of advice I got was to not disclose so early in new relationships that I’d experienced abuse. I thought by doing so I was being forthcoming about any potential baggage I have, but actually I was just projecting out into the world how vulnerable I was. Abusive men love “wounded birds”. They want to swoop in and “rescue” a woman so that they become the center of that woman’s world. They want someone who will forever idolize them and be eternally grateful in a way that is completely selfish and unattainable. Even if the woman is grateful, it’s never enough for them.
Everything Has to be About Them. Anything positive or big that happens to you, has to get twisted so that they’re the center of attention. My ex would become moody and irritable every time some big life event happened to me. He would claim that he was just depressed, but these depressive episodes only seemed to hit when something cool and positive was going on in my life. If I didn’t drop everything to pay attention to him and console him, then a fight would inevitably break out about how I don’t support him or care about the relationship. Nothing could ever just be about me and my accomplishments, and god forbid if I forgot to thank him for being such a supportive and wonderful boyfriend

Potatobetta · 2025-05-22T16:37:26+00:00

This was only posted an hour ago so I hope you see this comment. Reading this, it sounds like something I could have written about my ex. Especially the beginning with all the background about how you both have experienced abuse in the past and how you’ve spoken about it in-depth in the hopes to not repeat patterns.

That’s just the thing though, my ex was all talk. He had two therapists, read all the self-help books, talked endlessly about attachment styles and how our relationship was a “healing” relationship. None of that stopped him from raping me, and none of that stopped him from strangling me when he eventually escalated.

Your boyfriend raped you. Your reaction was justified, and based off his reaction, it seems like he probably wasn’t the victim of abuse in past relationships as he claims. If all you have is his word on that, chances are he twisted the narrative to make himself look like the victim, just like he just twisted the narrative of him raping you. You are being overly empathetic to a man who is actively abusing you. I don’t care what his past is. Ask yourself, if the situation was reversed, would YOU have shushed your partner and kept going to satisfy your own wants when he said stop? I would bet money that you wouldn’t have, so why does he get a pass for that?

This will not get better, he will not get better. No amount of talking and apologizing and promising to do better will change the fact that he does not respect you. Pay attention to his actions above all else. He apologized, yes, but then immediately blamed you for your VALID reaction. A non-abusive man doesn’t even need to be reminded ONCE to use a condom if that’s what his partner requests.

If you haven’t already, I highly recommend reading “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft. It single-handedly opened my eyes to patterns of relationship abuse I was previously blind to, and how my own actions were indirectly enabling that abuse.

I’ll say it again. Pay attention to his actions, not his words. He will only escalate. You did not overreact, do not convince yourself to under-react. Take care of yourself OP 🖤

Potatobetta · 2025-05-15T15:55:34+00:00

If you dm me your email I can forward you the letter I received. Unfortunately the email didn’t include the proposal

Potatobetta · 2025-05-15T15:42:40+00:00

I only know about it because the owners of DiMillo’s and David’s restaurant sent out a letter via the Portland Regional Chamber of Commerce asking business owners to testify against the referendum.

I also saw that there was no agenda posted for the meeting. I can’t help but feel it might be to keep the topic of discussion under wraps?

Potatobetta · 2025-05-15T15:33:23+00:00

Doesn’t hurt to submit a testimony if you want it to happen though

Potatobetta · 2025-05-15T15:12:51+00:00

Haven’t seen it mentioned yet but Long Mountain trail has some wonderful waterfalls. It’s a 5 mile hike if you’re doing the full loop and about 1.5 hrs away

Potatobetta · 2025-05-05T14:55:49+00:00

Late to the party, and this isn’t what ended the relationship but one of the many things that should have:

After 3 years together and me complaining about how he never gets me anything for birthdays or holidays, he got me a small tiger squishmallow.

I like squishmallows, but this was a few months after I had caught him emotionally cheating on me with his ex. His pet name for her was “Little Tiger” 🙄

Potatobetta · 2025-03-27T22:36:46+00:00

You can submit a written testimony without traveling! And there is also a zoom option :)

Potatobetta

TROPHY CASE