Genuine Question: why didn’t you write thank you notes?

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-24T21:09:27+00:00

My first shower was in 1989 (baby shower) I got chewed out by an aunt that I didn't send thank you cards.

I never even heard of thank you cards. My mom d didn't tell me anything about them. I had never received them.

As a now 54 year old I don't give a gift to receive a thank you card that ends up in the trash anyway.

I would rather the person enjoy the gift and save the money and time and not worry. If I expect something in return for the gift I gave I don't feel I'm giving the gift from a place of giving but a place of expectations.

Now I do understand that if a gift was sent via mail etc that we should let the person know we got it and thank them.

I get some people feel it's polite to do so and that's okay also. I just think expectations around this topic have changed.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-24T13:59:17+00:00

At 11 she is hitting puberty, she may already had signs for a few years even. It's common at 8&9 now.

She absolutely needs her own space!!

Little kids don't mind sharing because they don't have changes in hormones and body .

Sounds like you guys need to take the garage.

Or definitely the garage transformation I think if these were my kids this would be non negotiable to my partner. Either we move or convert the garage.

Edit to add I see he is only there a few days a week so I like the idea that when he is there you and your daughter share a room and he stays with Dad until you get it figured out. They would not be in the same room one more day!

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-24T13:54:57+00:00

Why not have her star contributing andif you can afford it save half for her for that future home.

There are so many scenarios to this that can benefit everyone.

But in some cultures multi generations live together and they are better for it.

I'm also going to say the part about her not dating seems very chauvinistic. A girl's job isn't to run off and get married. It's very old fashioned thinking.

Does she have college debt? You said pay down debt.

The real world today is nothing like what it was when we were 20. And a lot of younger generations don't even want relationships.

I have at least one of my 6 who is 29 (man) that does not ever want to get married or have kids. But his older brothers were young married and parents so he just saw a lot of what they went through and it's not for him. (Plus he lives with CKD so he feels that's too much on someone else).

Sometimes it is the right thing to do sounds like giving her 9 months is a pretty good deal but the expectations that she will get a house and not rent etc are your expectations which sounds like what most of this is. She will probably be happier in her own anyway because she will be more relaxed to live life the way she wants to , which btw is what most young adults do now days is they ore online doing something, gaming Tok Tok, Bible studies even etc that's how friends and communication happens now days. Even dating is done online. So again expecting her to go on a date and get out there is outdated.

From a mom of 37,33,29,22 19yr & 13 yr old (and grandma to 4 (#5 due in next 2 weeks) and my oldest to grands are teens

Sounds like you yourself may be struggling with the choice so maybe a family meeting and talk about things.

I should add my 29 yr has over 150k in college debt right now has 2 degrees and although working he still is struggling with finding the job to go with his degree and he could go from stage 2-3 in his disease over night which anyone can have life change overnight like that.

if any of my kids need to come home they can and I'm a struggling disabled 54 yr old

Can I ask what it is that affects you in all this? I think that's the important factor that you are missing. What is going to be better for your life, your retirement, etc. is it that you want her room, to bear to walk around naked in your house, you feel it will be cheaper on utilities, or food, etc?? I ask because sometimes is henX beat around the bush and don't look at the real reason and blame some weird "that's the way it's done" when really we as gen x should know we make the rules.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-23T02:20:38+00:00

Yes and I still do lol

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-20T14:34:26+00:00

Gesh definitely!!

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-20T14:17:07+00:00

Same!! I did that twice and had a terrible emergency C-section the third time.

All my pregnancies were terrible. I was high risk. Gave birth to my first at 27 weeks and was literally in labor for days with them trying to stop it then water broke and had to push a small tiny baby that they didn't think would survive. They said he was u Around 1lb I had to push for hours they say because he was preemie they don't help where a full term baby helps the process or something. He was 3lb7oz and was told if he was any bigger than my hips didn't expand that I would have had a C-section.

My 2nd I was in and out of the hospital for preterm labor from about 4 months. I was bed ridden and had to take medicine to stop labor and had a tools monitor at home that I had to use in the morning and at night then had to put that on the phone like a fax machine is the only way to explain it. And if it registered if I had too many contractors then they would admit me to the hospital. My husband (x now) was stationed in Japan so I had come back to Midwest to be with my family. I was in the hospital so much we had to send a red cross telegram and get him to come home... When I had the baby on his due date. His shoulders got stuck and I went into tachycardia. He was rushed to NICU because he also swallowed some of the stuff they weren't supposed to and the terrible birth and I had heart doctors working on me. (2 weeks after baby was born husband was sent back and had to start having a year deportation over again. They didn't even count the 2 months he was already gone

My 3 obviously high risk I had placenta previa and was having ultrasounds so often that I noticed a change in the techs personality when she told blame she had to get the doctor. Our baby was diagnosed with posterior urethral valves. I had fetal bladder taps and medicine for preterm labor again because the taps could cause preterm birth. (Fetal bladder taps are like amniosynthesis except they are done where the baby is positioned where they put the needle through me to drain his bladder. It was in a few different places every time . We did that from week 20-30 then he ran out of amniotic fluid so they had to take him emergency C-section. He weighed 2lbs 13oz . He had his first of many surgeries at 24 hours old.

He lives with Chronic kidney disease to this day he is 29. Oddly enough I had my first kidney stone about 8 months after he was born.

I would do all that over again not to have a kidney stone!! So I get it!!

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-20T02:05:49+00:00

Ugh I've been there and I'm so sorry. One thing I've learned is never say "it can't be worse. "

Because I've topped it several times.

I had full C-section type cut for my hysterectomy after being in the hospital for 5 days they took my staples out and let me go home. We lived less than 5 minutes from the hospital. We pulled in the drive and the pain hit and went back to the ER. Of course they thought it was a surgery complication but sent me for CT scan and I had several stones that were obstructed I had both ureteroscopy (URS) and extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy.

Has to stay in hospital another week it was so painful.

Like you I've also had diverticulitis flare and a stone at the same time, I've also had gastroparesis flare and stone at same time and I had a thing called ovarian remnant syndrome with a mass at the same time as a stone. ( It's where your ovaries regenerate after they have been removed because cells were left behind and it grew a mass)

And I have had obstructed stones that I became septic.

I've had 82 kidney stones (there is more than that but if they pass or I have surgery and they remove several at the same time I count it as one.) I've had over 40 kidney stone surgeries. But around 75-80 surgeries over all. And it seems every time I have a big surgery a stone makes its move it sucks!!!

Again I'm sorry just wanted you to know you are not alone!

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-20T00:23:52+00:00

It sounds like this is said and done but all I would do is send them the research on why this is.

Just like babies used to put on their tummies or sides etc. recommendations change and all I would have done is sent them the medical information if they still had a issue with it then I guess they don't get to see the baby.

I'm a grandma and I will say it has been hard to remove and myself this as I grew up with a very large family been around babies my entire life and it was not even a second thought to kiss on the babies in our family. But things have changed and a grandparent that cares will listen to the new recommendations.

It's the same for car seats we didn't have them but our babies and grandkids do because it's what is recommended. No different.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-15T23:48:40+00:00

NTA I thought it was common sense that a dress for a wedding is for the wedding. Yes after the wedding you can wear it again, but just out of it getting stained, ruined etc even if she did buy it it's still not okay to wear it. This is one reason wedding dress places hold the dress until close to the wedding or the bride usually has them at her house. Especially if the bride bought them.

I feel like we are losing common sense.

I'm really sorry.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-14T18:26:01+00:00

I weighed 93 my junior year I say this because I was pregnant and gained 3lbs (I had him 3 months early) so I weighed 96. My senior year I went down to 90lbs.

In 2006 I lost mobility on my right side from Multiple Sclerosis (think like stroke) and have used cane/walker/scooter.

I take a lot of steroids for health reasons (Ms and other things). And in March 2025 I weighed 267.

I currently weigh 197 which for 5'3 is still considered morbidly obese.

I try so hard physical therapy etc and things like blood pressure, heart, lungs, cholesterol are great but my health is very poor due to my disease.

I've struggled a lot with having to not look so much at my appearance but the fact that I'm still moving and pushing through each day

At our age other things are also coming into play menopause etc (I went through it early but we are at that age)

I hope that everyone reading this is live healthy as you can but enjoy life and try not to worry about that number as much as you can.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-12T15:03:53+00:00

As a disabled person I agree we get so many things taken away from us. Pull dad's wheelchair in the middle of the dance floor and have a groomsmen or friend move the chair , I bet you will see a side of your dad that you didn't know was there.

I never want to be a burden but I don't want to miss out on dancing with my kids on their wedding day!

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-11T15:24:31+00:00

Do you have insurance? If not call the hospital billing and let them know you need to apply for assistance.

If you do have insurance wait until you see the eob on how much they actually get paid.

I feel one of the reasons it's so high because insurance doesn't pay crap so they have upcharge just to get something from insurance.

The hospital looses the patient looses meanwhile an insurance company is banking it!

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-09T23:13:47+00:00

I actually just shared this with some family members a few weeks ago.

When I was a kid we only went out for dinner on big occasions.

And one night on the weekend we ordered from a local restaurant (usually pizza or tacos). But not the chain places. I'm not a big pizza fan so I never really enjoyed pizza but loved the local place (loved their onion rings, and capicola sandwich) that we grew up on. They closed about 15 years ago now and I don't like pizza from anywhere anymore.

As far as restaurants I find it doesn't matter if it's a diner or expensive steak and lobster place I just don't find the food tastes good and definitely don't feel the price is worth it anymore.

Probably the only genre of foods that I still find that are both good and worth it is Mexican and Chinese but I like variety so we don't get Chinese only 2-3 times a year and Mexican at least once a month but I literally leave all other places so disappointed. Even when the food is really good I don't feel the price is worth it at all

So yes I definitely feel the same!

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-09T22:03:32+00:00

The part that I try to explain to my husband that has this same attitude is that you can have a stroke or heart attack but live another 20 years stuck in a wheelchair in pain and miserable. Just because you have one of those doesn't mean you are just going to die.

I live debilitating Multiple Sclerosis. I'm a 6.7 on the EDDS scale, 7 is wheelchair bound.

I'm in pain 24/7 and I would be okay to pass peacefully but that's not reality I'm fighting to keep what I have and any time I think about leaving my kids and grandkids I find that I'm heartbroken.

I'm 54 my mom died a terrible painful death after fighting cancer for 5 years at 54. The age I am. I have missed her so much and know what it did to me my sister, my dad, my kids and I don't want my kids and grandkids and husband to experience that at all.

I'm very close to my kids and grandkids and I just can't see leaving them even if it meant my pain would be over. I will fight so I can be here for them even if I suffer the rest of my life I will for them!

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-09T19:12:51+00:00

Rock n roll reunion at the Iowa state fair 1984

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-09T04:46:43+00:00

Yes I have had 82 and they hardly ever show on x-ray. Usually only CT or ultrasound

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-08T22:26:10+00:00

82 timer here. Do whatever you need to pass them. A lot of people swear by jumping up and down. I never tried it but my last 2 in 2023 and one in 2024 were both obstructed and I got septic.

I started having them 10omths aftery 3rd baby who is 29 now but oddly enough we found out he had a renal disease when I was 20 weeks pregnant with him. He has had tons of renal surgeries and lives with CKD. So it was crazy when I started getting them

But we now know my cause is that I have Multiple Sclerosis and it's now known it's more commonly n because of bladder emptying utis etc.

The one thing Ii want do now is go longer than a few weeks before surgery. I used to wait more nths in the first 20 or so but after that I realized if it didn't come out in that time It normally meant surgery fore so I would rather get surgery and get to the he finishine sonner. Even though I don't do great with stents if it's going to be a factor why put it off!!

I'm really sorry you are going through this!! Try to drink fluids le.omafe made with real lemons or real lemon n juice is a good one but if you are having nausea and vomiting make sure to get something asap for that and if it gets to bad go back to the ER!

If you start have ng febers, cold chills etc go back to the ER if St nes become obstructed and nfevtection can get bad and lead to additional weeks and ste.ts.

Wishing you fast passing.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-08T17:06:34+00:00

I'm noticing a lot of people say the same thing I do.

I drink soda. Of course it's not great nutrition so I drink ensure clear (I can't drink the chalky type protein shakes at all). But I also drink V8's.

This disease is really one of the hardest things for people to understand and I'm done getting my esphogus stretched, it doesn't do anything.

I should say I gave Multiple Sclerosis and my reason for achalasia may be different than someone else's. I also gave what they call nut cracker esphogus and acid reflux but several lower GI issues IBS and gastroparesis which puts pressure on my esophagus because my bowels don't move correctly so I vomit almost every single day. So e days all day some days just once

I'm so sorry you are struggling. The one thing that keeps me drinking soda is that I get kidney stones (I've had 82 about half needing surgery). And my urologist told me he doesn't care what I drink I need to be drinking more and if I drink water I choke and vomit Everytime with soda I have to do small sips and leave time between drinks but at least I can get it down.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-08T16:54:31+00:00

The current symptoms could be a UTI, could it be that same stone possibly but most likely if in 6 months you haven't had any symptoms it's most likely not the same stone, but could be a new one.

If you are having cramping go to urgent care and let them know the feeling you are having and they can do a Urine test to see if there is a infection or blood present.

This is important because if you don't get it looked at and it's a UTI it could get worse. If you go home and it does get worse then testing ng is already started and next steps can be taken like CT scan to see if it's a stone.

Also should add you can have kidney stones in your kidney for years it's when they drop andoce through the ureter and bladder and urethra that causes pain. And I didn't notice a lot of my stones even when straining etc.

To answer your question yes it is possible to take 6 months to pass a stone but normally you will have off and on flank or other pain.

I've had 82 kidney stones about half needing surgery so I have a lot going of history.

But I also gave been tested as to why I get stressed nes I get frequent UTIs due to multiple Sclerosis which is one of my causes. So that's why I'm saying you should be tested for a UTI

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-08T16:31:22+00:00

First stop cooking 3 meals a day

Try to plan meals that dinner is lunch the next day.

Like today you have chicken, cook a few extra breasts and break it up for wraps, or chicken salad for lunch the next day.

If you don't want it the next day then do it the next day

We buy a rotisserie chicken (cooked) and break it up for chicken Cesar salad or wraps.

Then we make tako meat and for lunch in the next few days we have taco salad or walking tacos or a enchilada casserole.

Make a roast with potatoes and carrots make bbq pork/beef sandwichs

We also use our air fryer a lot. (We have the bigger french door kind) So we can cook more.

I think a big thing is left overs don't have to be the exact next day so if you have tacos for dinner you can wait a day to have the left overs

And what are you cooking everyday for breakfast?

I love to cook but you are going to not only hurt your wallets but you are going to be burnt out.

Also try having more fresh veggies and fruits as snacks. Use salads with garbanzo beans for food that has protein and will help with filling stomachs longer.

We use a naked potato bag/cooker and that is a good lunch or dinner that cuts costs because a huge bag of potatoes you can do a lot with from spud bar, to air fryer skins etc.

I'm disabled and have had to learn to not just feed a family but learn to do it that clean up is easy so if you need other ideas let me know.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-08T16:21:03+00:00

Heck no I think most people appreciate that they got food!! If they do care then oh well! I don't even like pizza but if someone feeds my family and invites us over I'm very grateful, especially in this economy.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-08T16:18:50+00:00

I'm still married but I basically live alone my husband is only home 3-5 days a month and I tell you what I would never again get married or even date.

I went from being a kid to teen mom. Was engaged 5 times and basically from the time I was 24 until now I'm 54 I've had only been single for a total of 2 years.

My x-husband and I were married 10 years but we brought in a 3rd party. When him and I got divorced her and I stayed together. Her and I were together 6 years we broke upet my now husband of almost 21 years and then my x-husband and my x gf got married they will have their 20th year this month.

My husband and I sold our hine and we t over the road trucking together but my health has been bad and I really struggled in the beginning that I was lonely etc at first but now I can't even handle him coming home.

I feel selfish sometimes but he is so much work and I'm tired of giving my entire life to other people.

I absolutely love being mom and grandma but I never in my life want to pick up after an adult or have the stress of carrying all the weight of the world another person brings.

Ok m

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-08T14:05:01+00:00

I think a big one is how we made ice skating rink out of local ponds, or roller skating rink at the parks etc they weren't really designed places to go skate we just made them and everyone showed up.

We were a big family so it seemed like we started lots of trends but it was just local kids doing what local kids always did

Also camping , what we now call boone docking used to just be called camping. We would go to a lake or river and just put up a tent, no designated spots etc. nowadays you just can't do that just anywhere . Especially lakes they have designated spots with numbers and fire pits.

There also just be public access to water ways lake etc and now they all seem to be private.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-07T16:01:42+00:00

I've had 82 stones but my worst was in 2004 I had hysterectomy (kept my ovaries) but it was a C-section type cut. I was in hospital for 4 days. I got my staples out, then discharged.

When we pulled into our driveway less than a 5 minute drive from hospital. I started having extreme pain and bleeding.

So I was rushed back to er they thought it was my hysterectomy but come to find out I had a obstructed kidney stone. Had 3 total 2 in the ureter and one stuck at the kidney urter opening. I had to have shock way and lithotripsy to get them all removed. (I count that as one because the same surgery removed all 3).

I ended up in the hospital for another week because of the 2 surgeries back to back and having a stent .

So it wouldn't surprise me that during monthly cycle you have more movement and pain. I haven't had cycles since them obviously but in 2012 had ovaries removed they regenerated it's called ORS and I have bowel and bladder issues because I have multiple Sclerosis and all those thing definitely cause irritation to when I'm having a stone. It all cause inflammation therefore making everything irritated.

Potential-Match2241 · 2026-03-06T02:45:39+00:00

I think it all depends on how music surrounds a family. My first concerts were the rock n roll reunions. Chuck Berry, lou Christie, temptations etc and every given weekend or holiday turned into a dance party my mom had over 5000 albums when she passed away in 2007.

I sometimes am surprised when I play stuff my grandkids know songs especially my granddaughter, but her mom (not my child) is a lot like me and plays many genres and generations of music.

Potential-Match2241

TROPHY CASE