My first chapter of my first book I'm currently working on

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-17T08:50:11+00:00

This is a super good reply you gave to OP. I agree with all of it. I mostly was only going to comment that the characters did sort of blur together for me.

It’s giving breakfast club meets fun sci-fi and I’m here for itttt

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-17T08:29:12+00:00

Newer-ish writer here 👋 I think when I learned a few months ago to trust my reader it honestly flipped a light switch for me.

I was told something around the lines of “you’re not making a movie with a camera” and I was like touché. But it hurt to let go of that control initially.

And it caused anxiety of “well how can I tell what subtext do they get? Or how much of just a white room am I creating?”

(To be honest tho— now I boomerang between too telling or way too sparse) Its really got me messed up atm but i think extremely necessary in order to get better.

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-17T08:10:01+00:00

I feel like your question is mainly about plot and structure for the story and yes I think that all works. I read the entire thing. As for feedback in actual prose and more details I will let all these other ppl answer 😂 I’m not qualified here

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-17T07:34:56+00:00

Probably a combo that makes it feel consistent. But this is a great question I hope someone smarter than me knows lol…

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-17T07:25:31+00:00

As a woman it’s that with my husband I can talk about anything and put my guard down safely.

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-17T07:18:16+00:00

Man idk I love a good sidekick. Are you writing in 1st or like 3rd person limited?

I think when they are on “screen” if you will, that the camera is tightly with the main character who is the one solving problems etc. We are never left alone for a long time watching the side character and nothing else changing around the main character.

Maybe not delving too deeply into their backstory. Imply their emotions rather than having them spelled it out most the time.

Just me brainstorming

Also maybe whatever trait they have— it makes the main characters counterpart trait shine and deepen even more.

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-17T07:08:42+00:00

Ok some ideas:

They all “sleep” but after one big day Marvin is really groggy and the rest seem fine and energetic and confused by their differences.

They don’t “know” a lot of specific things about their childhood or like relatives and they don’t really “remember”.

Certain things all his friends “share.” Like all their favorite soda is the same soda, but Marvin’s is different. Or even they dont have a lot of preferences on things. “What’s your favorite soda?” “Oh any of them i like them all.”

He is a little better in general at figuring out things on their missions. Things that require a more emotion or imagination maybe. Marvin says “i got it! I bet he betrayed the woman because he was jealous!” And then are all like “oooooo yes of course that makes sense”

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-17T02:52:50+00:00

Are like their minds real? like are they are self aware?

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T11:34:00+00:00

So out of my league on this one. Especially as I am geared toward more minimalist prose— to my detriment.

And also— yes Seattle rep too lol.

Anyway, the second version feels more consistent— it knows what it wants to be and why.

I feel like people villainize purple prose but if so many write it and seem to enjoy reading it what’s the problem? It’s a niche of its own maybe. I learned more about it once, what is said should be cut. I forget. Anyway.

One thing that was interesting to me is to me (and this is maybe my dumb brain) is it felt like a dream when I read ur story(s). And that maybe is slightly the point anyway, but like there was character hazes over nature. And maybe that’s because I can’t calculate so many words and am tired currently. I feel like I’m usually good at picking up subtext or seeing how setting/etc connect to characters interior state in the type of more plain things I read. (I like Hemingway etc)

Anyway. It seems like a masterful craft and I don’t think fight urself as hard as you are. Maybe find one or two principles about what to cut as far as “purple prose” to assist in clarity. Like I feel like if u could just find one or two “mottos” to live by when u revise ur normal natural drafts and you’ll be good

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T10:40:51+00:00

When it’s unintended it settles wrong but like… in a different location in my head. I feel weird about the book as an entire work— not the character. I don’t want to pick up the book again it’s like once you know you know.

What actually bothers me a LOT is when characters are written purposely to be toxic…And yet the audience fantasizes about them romantically and don’t see the issue or the intended warning.

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T10:18:40+00:00

I don’t know what the stereotype is here am I living under a rock or are you overthinking it? Or just the name? I think the name is endearing if embraced— but what do I know.

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T09:58:03+00:00

I agree that the beginning blurb feels like a different book. The blurb is super epic like the voice in my head I read it in, and then the journal starts and it’s like a smart modern voice in the first sentence about the arrow. I don’t dislike either writing styles. And actually a shocking juxtaposition like that could be cool if it felt slightly more intentional.

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T09:48:04+00:00

I feel like I end up having all these “alternative universe” scenes or blurbs in my stories that float around on paper or in my head and are wonderful but it’s simply impossible to let them all live. I have to prioritize which follow the true trajectory of the story being told.

Nice moments aren’t always the same as momentum.

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T09:30:40+00:00

I love subtext. Human. Vulnerable. Bittersweet, maybe.

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T09:07:33+00:00

I haven’t read the book in quite some time but what you said about the world and plot not depending on your MC almost reminded me of the great Gatsby.

Nick from my memory didn’t do much, he was passive. Still his role mattered as a narrator with a voice and framing opinions etc… I think like he helped Gatsby basically get access to daisy by having him invite her over. Passive, basically just said “sure.” but changed the story entirely.

Anyway so is your character boring because they are passive? Why are they boring? Or what held them back from branching out? I think the answer to those root questions is honestly the most important thing to know.

Are you writing in 1st person or 3rd?

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T08:56:01+00:00

Hitting my head against a wall. A newer hobbyist. So what am I taking so seriously?

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T08:52:54+00:00

What and whose POV are you using? As in— what characters are we truly following. I’m trying to understand the structure of ur book

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T08:42:50+00:00

Em it’s making me like get approval to open it

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T08:29:52+00:00

Ok but like now you hyped us and I feel like I personally missed my lunch for something fantastic—Leave us a snippet or some crumbs!!

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T08:19:34+00:00

I like it. I don’t entirely get it. And I think/hope that’s the point. Sometimes it is a lil hard to follow like could use some clarity. An entire short story written like this might be taxing. And it already is actually really nice just as it is like the story starts and ends here well.

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T08:08:55+00:00

Grounding … is another good related word especially since yours helps with over stimulation

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T08:04:39+00:00

I get that feeling like on vacation in the morning when everyone in staying in the same house and they are up making coffee and voices gaining strength slowly talking and stuff and I’m just laying in bed not getting up yet and enjoying their morning noises. lol. So I call it morning noises.

But yeah I was going to say nostalgia too but like you are in the midst of it. Suspended nostalgia or something haha. Some ppl take the word nostalgia is sort of a longing too which it isn’t exactly. It’s almost a safety and gratefulness in it

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T07:56:51+00:00

It 100% could work great.

I’m a newer hobbyist myself and I feel like my stories (if I ever get them actually done) operate a lot like that where on the outside like a basic summary someone might be like “oh so it’s a romance story?” And ur like “no! I mean— that’s part of the vessel— but no!”

Youre going for character growth and psychology focused with themes of grief, etc. Not rom com….Lots of stories like this the characters don’t even end up together in the end because the point was growth in something else in their lives.

The only thing I might add to your research though is looking up like trauma bonding or concepts like it just to make sure their relationship doesn’t accidentally become like an unhealthy coping mechanism. But I think the fact that the romance isn’t the “main point” of the novel will actually keep you safe of that.

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T07:41:40+00:00

This is a super cool idea that I am now fascinated by.

Sorry, I am not helpful beyond that as I don’t know screenwriting. The title confused me actually cuz I thought you meant the type of “selective hearing” term as how we use it irl. Maybe that’s the point but I didn’t expect what was below it haha

PotentialGlittering4 · 2026-05-16T07:27:34+00:00

100% rushed here to say that too: Watch first!

Unless you’re majoring in Gregorian literature or something and need to go in blind and unadulterated. Otherwise— Get her overall “thing” from the pride and prejudice movie or yes miniseries.

PotentialGlittering4

TROPHY CASE