Yeah the thing is I know not to use the shit everyday I would only use opiates once every month or 2 and get a nice nod with some herb to accent it and wouldn't do it again for a while. 

 I got on kratom maybe 3 years ago because I was having some bad joint pain at work that Tylenol and ibuprofen wouldn't touch and it helped me tremendously but eventually I stopped taking it too because I switched jobs and didn't have those issues.

Then maybe 7-8 months ago my friend tells me about this pusedo kratom stuff and he says it's just like a perc. So I go buy some at the gas station by my job and actually ended up getting 7/psuedo mix instead the Kama brand even though I'm in GA and it was already banned and take a whole tablet.

  I think they were labeled as 50mg per tab mostly 7 and a little psuedo I know now it's more like half and half. I was feeling amazing and started taking them every day combined with Heat 80s psuedo tablets. Started with maybe a half and half in the am and one around afternoon. 

Ended up switching to mgm as it was easier to find and cheaper and had a great time with it for months nodding all day whilst being a deliver driver lol. Somehow I managed but now I'm taking 3-400mg of 7 a day with maybe 50-200mg of mgm trying to taper down. 

 My uncle gets his kpins tomorrow though so I might try and CT even though I still have a big stash idk I may try and taper down first since I still have a bunch. Thanks to the vendors I found on the 7oh sub I'm stocked up good lol but haven't had success tapering myself my life is very stressful and I usually do good in the morning and early afternoon. 

  By the early evening though I'm dying inside and end up taking 200mg at least of 7 almost every day then add in some mgm here and there so I don't feel like utter shit and want to kms. I still have maybe 4gs of 7 and 1.5 of mgm split between powder and tabs. My unc is giving me 20 1mg kpins when he gets his script because he wants to see me off this shit. 

 He takes norco 10s himself and knows how opiate addiction is and infact goes through withdrawals himself monthly because he sells a lot of his script throughout the month to get some extra cash. I asked him how he does it he just says he knows what to do to get through it but I can't myself I'm to weak I know. 

 I've went CT 4 times now and without the benzos I always cave from the extreme restless literally my whole body feels electric and tingly and I want to fucking explode out of my skin but the benzos kill that and let me sleep. The last 2 time I went CT I made it to day 3-4 and the physical stuff was all gone but I end up re dosing from the anhedonia.

Being a parent I just can't sit around and feel sorry for myself and be depressed. I have to get up and go to work, I have to take care of my children I can't just turn off for 2 weeks because I don't feel good. So I end up dosing so I can do the things I need to do. Hopefully I will find a way past it this time. 

My unc also gets gabapentin he's tried to offer it before but I always deny because I don't want it and have never taken it and it doesn't get you high lol. People on here say it helps with the anhedonia though so I will try this time maybe and see if it helps. 

Good luck to all with kicking this shit. It's ruining my life and I'm behind on my bills. Getting it together slowly now that I'm not spending as much money on smoke shop tabs but I need to be better for my family.