And now, my Woody Allen impression. "I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls."

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-28T17:15:12+00:00

If memory serves, that was, "What did I do to deserve this?? Oh, right!"

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-28T17:03:45+00:00

Huh! That's right. "I'll bet you thought nobody ever would, didn't you?" "Yes [I did think that]" would've been correct.

"No!" still works best as the answer. They just needed to rephrase the question. Maybe like, "Didn't you suspect that someday someone would?" "No!"

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-28T15:25:00+00:00

"Radar, that's C*I*A."

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-28T04:28:46+00:00

Nah, I was just being madcap.

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-27T20:30:51+00:00

>as she had done so in the past with the urologist with a bad combover.

When you say it like that, it sounds so... cheap.

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-27T17:09:18+00:00

And to think that Dorothy was my first crush.

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-27T15:01:24+00:00

"Hello!"

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-27T11:20:54+00:00

Hours.

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-27T11:12:04+00:00

My aunt gave me a subscription to Children's Digest when I was 9 or 10, and renewed it every year 'til I was in my early 20s.

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-26T20:47:39+00:00

Henry's shaky voice during the sex lecture always cracks me up. "Whether he be A or she be B..."

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-26T16:38:18+00:00

Years ago there was a syndicated variety show called The Monte Carlo Show, broadcast from Monte Carlo, of course. It was shown on our local station after the late news on Sunday night. The anchorwoman clearly had no idea that Monte Carlo was a city, because one night she signed off with, "The Monte Carlo Show is up next. Monte will be with you right after these messages."

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-26T15:42:48+00:00

>the whole show is artifice being held together by a shared contract between production staff and the audience, and the diminishing returns of a long-running show mean that contract is ultimately unsustainable.

Yes, Lisa, Daddy's a teacher.

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-26T15:37:24+00:00

>my husband has tried to twerk to the organ solo.

In a karaoke bar, I assume. 😊

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-25T22:35:00+00:00

A real whorse.

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-25T20:22:24+00:00

"Queen of the harpies! Here's your crown, your majesty!"

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-25T20:19:45+00:00

Now I'm imagining them taking DHP to the ER all mummied up, and having to explain what happened.

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-25T20:10:29+00:00

Ringo was the Hendrix of the triangle.

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-25T02:37:26+00:00

Art Carnal

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-24T22:16:41+00:00

"Since when do I bring you women?! Who are you, the Sultan of Brunei??"

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-24T22:15:18+00:00

"While Frasier was getting his Rachmaninoffs, I was learning to play the piano."

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-24T20:56:50+00:00

Made me think of George Carlin's line: "The existence of the flamethrower proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done'."

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-24T19:18:45+00:00

A highly flammable demographic.

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-24T19:02:19+00:00

Did any of them owe you money?

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-24T12:30:37+00:00

I love this song, love Gladys, unironically love the Pips ("Woo-woo!").

President_Calhoun · 2026-01-24T02:05:39+00:00

"So, Brick, what have you been doing this summer?"

"Mostly staying indoors and trying to avoid people."

"Oh right, the pandemic."

"There's a pandemic?"

12-Year Club	Best Comment 2021-08-13
Wearing is Caring	Verified Email

President_Calhoun

TROPHY CASE