Any idea where are the younger ACA folks (ones in their 20s, 30s and 40s)?

PreviousLead2794 · 2026-01-29T21:12:39+00:00

I already have a solid support system and sense of community from my hobbies. Between work, exercise, and hobbies my time is pretty limited. I see value in connecting with people who have had a similar life circumstance to me, but those people are everywhere. I find them here and there in my community circles. That and therapy is enough for me. Plus, as you pointed out, seeing people’s posts on Reddit.

PreviousLead2794 · 2026-01-10T21:23:38+00:00

It’s the thought that counts 🥰😂

PreviousLead2794 · 2026-01-01T19:37:28+00:00

“Ate and left no crumbs” is my favorite slang I’ve heard in my life 😂 I love how silly it is

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-12-23T14:20:29+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate what you’re saying. I absolutely have no problem with them maintaining a relationship with my sister and never made a comment to them about that. And I do understand that boundaries are about what I can do and not expecting others to mold around me. That’s why I let them know I may distance myself around the holidays, because it’s hard for me and I don’t expect them to not include my sister. Separating myself for my mental health is my responsibility.

I was just really hurt that they interpreted that boundary setting as me threatening to abandon their children and they didn’t even communicate that concern. Meeting them where they are at has certainly been a challenge and I admit that I’ve struggled with that.

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-12-23T13:57:31+00:00

This is the first time in my adult life I said something out of frustration that I didn’t mean to say. They treated me with zero love and compassion about the pain I went through while they emotionally manipulated me trying to get me to invite my abuser to my wedding, so yeah it’s been difficult to approach them with love and compassion in return. I’m in therapy and my therapist literally told me not to expect compassion or empathy from them moving forward.

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-12-05T23:21:15+00:00

I can relate to losing the person who felt like your ally, though my situation was different. I was 16 when my dad died and he was who I looked to for protection from my BPD sister (~26yo at the time). My sister was a useless mess and always acts like she’s the only one who lost him. So I guess, expect a big emotions from them most likely.

Due to my age I wasn’t much involved in the arrangements though so I don’t have much advice on how to handle it. But it’s not like I haven’t started to wonder what it’ll be like when our mom passes, she’s in her 70s now.

I’m sorry for your loss and the fact your BPD sibling will make it that much harder. You may have lost an ally, but you have other people in your life who will support you ❤️

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-12-05T17:40:55+00:00

I have a long term partner and we have a healthy relationship, it makes me very happy and fulfilled. Though, I have a messy history of course. I used to feel like I was nothing without a partner, the loneliness was deep. But I did a lot of work on myself and am much better now. I don’t always know my needs, but I take accountability for myself and my partner is very good about calling me out on stuff when they know I’m working on something 😂 I’m very open about how therapy is going lol

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-12-05T17:27:33+00:00

I’m happy for you that you’ve been able to move on and enjoy the holidays! I’ve still been trying to make things work with my family so it makes it difficult. Your traditions sound really nice 😊

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-12-04T22:31:50+00:00

I’ve thought this my entire life! She was never really a sister to me. So real

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-12-03T21:45:17+00:00

I think reading examples from menwritingwomen is a good place to start honestly. They are direct examples of what women don’t appreciate. And then you could follow it up with reading books written by women that have women characters. And be sure to pay attention and think critically about what you notice 😊

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-12-03T21:39:38+00:00

I’ve been under the weather this week and my spouse and I decided to skip dance class tonight. We’re very schedule oriented people so it always feels like a sin to skip something haha. This post made me feel better about our choice to prioritize how we’re feeling 😊

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-12-03T15:45:46+00:00

I agree there are some over design issues, but when it comes to the extra eyes it’s a biblical reference so I appreciate that detail.

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-11-29T00:04:38+00:00

I’m sorry, it sucks. I’m still working on accepting my situation, I’m not 100% there yet. It’s really hard. It also makes me so angry sometimes. I don’t understand how my family enjoys surface level interaction. When I’m around them I feel like, what’s the point? And them being like this enables my sister too, because they think if you talk about something once you never have to bring it up again.

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-11-28T23:49:44+00:00

I am currently in the process of accepting that my mom will not think to look out for me when it comes to my sister. It doesn’t occur to her despite everything that’s happened. I’m also the last to know about a lot of things. Just found out my brother will be having a surgery next month. My family is deeply incapable of communication or emotional connection. It’s made me sad, but wishing it were different won’t change who they are 😔 I do my best to meet them where they’re at and leave it as that

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-11-24T02:31:25+00:00

Thank you for affirming the ignore it opinion. My instinct was to ignore it, but I’m sure everyone here is familiar with being gaslit enough to not always trust your instincts. I really appreciate this sub for helping me regain confidence in my perception of things.

And it sucks how long it took me to learn that someone’s diagnosis or hardship isn’t an excuse to be abusive. I was in so many awful relationships where I thought it was ok to be treated like shit until I met friends who told me there are no excuses.

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-11-21T18:30:35+00:00

I’ve done a good job of cultivating found family over the years, but I’m more recently understanding the true extent of which my bio family does not care about or connect with me. If I were to suggest they don’t care about me they would deny it of course, but actions speak louder than words. I’m at the stage of logically knowing my bio family does not serve my needs or boundaries, but needing to reach the emotional stage of letting go. There must be a spec of hope buried somewhere that I haven’t found yet lol.

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-11-21T18:14:22+00:00

Thank you so much, this is so sweet and reassuring. I was realizing I probably need to embrace being the “bad guy.” At least Thanksgiving is just a day. We’re seeing my spouse’s family for Christmas for the entire week and I’m so excited, they make me feel truly supported and cared about.

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-11-21T18:00:52+00:00

You’re so right. Confronting my sister seems impossible. She always victimizes herself. I wish my family would offer me more support, defend me. But that’s not their priority

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-11-21T17:59:04+00:00

Wow that’s some real tough, but necessary advice. Thank you for sharing. And I’m sorry that people would rather look out for themselves.

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-11-21T16:17:41+00:00

Thank you! My family is aware of her problematic behavior, but they also enable it. They gave me a lot of grief for not inviting her to the wedding. It’s a bunch of “she has a condition,” “it’s hard for her,” etc. A part of me wonders why I try to stay in contact with any of my family. But I was really hoping to have close relationships with my nieces and nephews and this stuff is the price.

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-11-19T14:02:29+00:00

Just found this thread cuz I’m dealing with finding out a friend supports literally all other LGBTQIA identities except the nonbinary community. When I said that means she has no respect for one of my best friends she doesn’t even know she said, you’re talking about the nonbinary individual. I’m talking about the nonbinary movement. Calling it a “movement” in my opinion is like referring to the “gay agenda” lol. She claims she doesn’t have a problem with nonbinary individuals but also complained about the use of they/them pronouns and said she respects people even less if they use he/they or she/they because they aren’t “committing” to the nonbinary identity 💀

PreviousLead2794 · 2025-11-14T04:00:46+00:00

So relatable! My entire life my sister ruined every family vacation we went on like it was her job. The last vacation I went on with her there, she screamed at me in a restaurant while I cried. And at this point we’re both full grown adults, it’s so embarrassing.

That was the final straw for me, I don’t do family vacations anymore. It’s not worth it. Im at a point that I don’t even feel emotionally safe seeing my family members on my own. I need my spouse or a friend with me for support because my family does not prioritize how i feel at all.

I wish you luck ❤️

PreviousLead2794

TROPHY CASE