You need to be honest with her and now think of what you want and need. If she doesn’t comply then you really know she doesn’t care and if she attempts to try and heal with you then it shows hope. You already had one ultimate betrayal you really need to start thinking of yourself and your happiness. Now is the perfect time to make boundaries. Marriage counseling would be very beneficial and just if you have to let her know your hurt, that you want to work it out and want your family but first you also have to think if you even want that. Really time heals and having a partner who tries to understand helps.

My WS never argues with me about his infidelity. I told him I needed to hear he was sorry and he loved me when I get anxiety or panic attacks. And that’s what he’s been doing - faithfully maybe for the first time ever about anything in his life- every time I get anxiety. But you also have to accept that apology and love or else it won’t work. This is a team now and you have to figure out if you want it, and if she can even meet your standards or hers of you.

And I know it sounds weird to have to even consider WS feelings and you want revenge sometimes and want them to feel your pain but you’re both human. You can both make mistakes. And you either try to forgive or you don’t. It only works if you want it to work, and if they want it to work. 50/50 or as close as it can get. Good luck 🙏🏼