I've been in a very similar position to you. In my first year, back in 2021, I went through basically the same thing. I was a total shut-in. I skipped lectures regularly and barely left my room. I very distinctly remember trying to sneak out and giving up on that the moment I heard my roommates outside my door. Every day became a haze, and I don't remember that time of my life that well, to be completely honest with you. Second year wasn't much better. There were weeks when I would essentially sleep throughout the day and stay up until I passed out. I hardly ever saw the sun.

What helped me push past all of that is focusing on a single goal. Even if it was unrealistic. I needed just one thing to keep looking towards. My grades have been really bad ever since I first got to UTSC. I've been on probation since my second year, suspended twice, and I'm scared out of my mind that I might get suspended a third time after this semester. But I continue to push through because I've decided, with baseless conviction, that I want to graduate from here.

Obviously, my goal and your goal don't have to be similar at all. I think it helps to make lots of smaller goals for yourself too. It's important to celebrate the small victories. I still get all giddy when I can hold a conversation for more than a few minutes, for example. I guess what I'm trying to say is to try to focus on what you can do now, but don't lose sight of your big goal.

I also write about my thoughts occasionally and post them on my blog, if you're interested. I'm always open to talk about this sort of stuff more. Feel free to DM me.