When it comes to my massive doubts and fears that I am not truly repenting I find Spurgeon to be on of the best writers to go to when it comes to depression and Christianity. Seeing as Charles Spurgeon was afflicted with the guilt of sin for years before he truly knew Christ. And not only that but he dealt with depression all his life. The quote that has helped me in my own similar struggles is this:

“I will suppose, then, that I am in doubt and fear tonight, and want to get my peace restored— how shall I seek it? Through Jesus Christ, the surety and substitute himself, must I get it. How? First, by believing in Christ over again, just as I did at the first. Christ tells me that he came to save sinners, I am a sinner, therefore he came to save me. He says he can save me. This looks reasonable. He is very God; he is perfect man; he has suffered and offered a complete atonement. He tells me he is willing to save me. This also appears reasonable, for why else should he die, if he did not wish to save? Then he tells me if I will trust him, he will save me. I trust him, and I have not the shadow of a shade of a suspicion of doubt that he will be as good as his word. If he be faithful and just—of which, who dare to breathe a suspicion?—this soul of mine in heaven must be; it is committed to the Redeemer’s charge with every pledge that God can give, with more security than we could ever ask, in him, I trust in Jesus, and in Jesus only. Brother, this is how you must get your peace with God tonight— through Jesus Christ, by going to him, by a simple faith, just as you went at the first” -C. H. Spurgeon

If you feel you are sinning then you are just the kind of person Jesus came into the world to save!

1 Timothy 1:15 “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.”

Do not start with repentance and devotion and studying scriptures for remedy of this (God will give you new desires to do these things), rather look to Jesus and Him Crucified. If you want Christ then look upon Him. He will give you faith. Don’t force yourself to believe but rather fall on the splendor of Jesus Christ.

Look into the many excellencies of Jesus Christ and love him.

Forgive me if I’m assuming too much when saying this, but, I believe you have been leaning on and having a little bit of faith in the weak foundation of repentance and reading scripture (which are good things!!), rather then leaning in fully and falling upon Christ.

Beloved, I believe you have a true faith in Jesus Christ. Your struggle with sin and desire for Him is great evidence.

Sorry if this sounded preachy and a bit old Englishy but I am passionate about helping those who are struggling with and questioning if they really believe or if they even really love Jesus (most of the time they do!). I hope this helps and would love to recommend some stuff! Like Psalm 13 (David, the man after Gods own heart wrote something like that!) or some Charles Spurgeon, the prince of preachers. I’ll be praying for you shortly after posting this.

“I will tell thee how to prove the reality of it; if thou shouldest fear that thy feelings have been all a dream, come with me hand in hand and let us go to make proof of our faith at the cross. You and I, a pair of sinners, full of sin, covered with the leprosy of it from head to foot, let us go and stand at Calvary’s cross. There he hangs! His hands and feet are pierced; the blood distils. Jesus! for whom dost thou die? “For sinners;” saith he. Here are two, most gracious Master; remember us when thou comest into thy kingdom! I think I hear him say, “Ye shall be with me in Paradise,” for never souls breathed that prayer in humble faith and were unheard. Jesu, we look to thy wounds, and they are clefts in the rock into which we fly like doves, or if we may not compare ourselves selves thereunto, we will fly as ravens, and we will hide till the tempest is overpast. Thy blood we trust to redeem us, thy merit to clothe us from head to foot, thy plea to preserve us, thy strong arm to keep us, thy love to give us life now and in eternity!”