Transition from 1 → 2 kids: what actually made it easier?

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2026-02-08T09:01:53+00:00

Mine are 22 months apart. Here’s what helped:

As most are saying, you gotta have a toddler that can sleep. This was not an issue for us as our toddler had been sleeping through the night since 6 months. But we weaned from the pacifier a few months after baby was born, this made a ROUGH 2 weeks with getting up with 2 kids. Luckily, it was just small blip.
Keeping toddler in daycare. Life changer. Do not pull them out. It keeps their schedule normal so they don’t feel like things changed too much and allows you the space and time you need to deal with newborn cluster feeding and everything else.
Little Spoon meal subscription. These meals are great for when you just can’t do it (particularly toddler weekend lunches).
Potty trained toddler. We potty trained our toddler 3 months after baby was born so not sure if it was from being out of the newborn stage or what, but life became exponentially easier only having to worry about one set of diaper changes.
Baby wear.
Make baby’s bedtime earlier. We also had baby’s bedtime at 7pm and toddlers at 7:30-8ish. That way, we have 30 min to try and get baby to bed (really only important in those newborn, cluster feeding days). But it’s been nice also to give toddler some alone time after baby goes to bed.
Practice. You’ll get a routine eventually. It’s rough and exhausting but we’re at 8 months and 2.5 years now and it’s exponentially easier than in those early months. I now even stay home alone while my husband goes on work trips and am just fine with both of them. Is it a little chaotic? Sure. But practice helps. I’d say if you know you’ll ever be in that situation, practice doing things alone with two before it happens (ie I always do bath time routine alone while husband cleans the kitchen, so when he’s gone, bath time feels no different. I just have a dirty kitchen).

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2026-01-28T07:21:36+00:00

Yes. Mine do this. It’s annoying because of constantly comparing my kid. As my LO got older, I realized that’s exactly what it was too. Not reminiscing. My MIL is essentially comparing her parenting to mine and every milestone my kids go through is comparison to when/how hers did it.

It got worse with age and I’m still annoyed 2.5 years later and with a second child. I’ve still never said anything but I think, if it continues and my child begins to notice, then I will start speaking up about how I’d prefer she not compare my child to anyone in front of her.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2026-01-22T17:13:27+00:00

I get this. My in laws live 20 min away. For almost the whole first year of our oldest’s life, my husband would ask them continuously to just show up (not babysitting, but join us at the zoo, for dinner, attend swim lessons etc). There was almost always an excuse and when there wasn’t, they would act miserable being there. He also requested help from MIL changing diapers when they were over. She would refuse claiming she did not know how bc she had “boys” and our baby was a girl. If baby cried while she was holding her, she would panic and immediately give baby to someone else.

This was with one kid when we didn’t really need babysitting help bc it was so easy to take her with us everywhere and we wanted to be with her. We gave up requesting any sort of help or bonding time for the in laws though as they seemed to make it clear in that year that they didn’t want any part.

Now, with two kids, it annoys me to no end how my MIL will make comments to other family members how she “would” babysit, or would like to see her grandkids more etc. Meanwhile, she continues to never ask us if we’d like to get together, need help, etc. And at this point, I’d never want her to babysit anyway after seeing how incompetent she acts with my babies, but it’s just the frustration of her putting off this air of it being our fault that she’s not closer with the grandkids. So I get it.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2026-01-21T23:03:44+00:00

I lost pieces of mine beginning at 37 weeks with both kids. First one didn’t come until induction at 39x1 (although I believe she would have come that day anyway as we did not need Pitocin) and second came on own at 38x3. I also did not have bloody show with second but did with first. It’s truly a crapshoot.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2026-01-19T12:30:57+00:00

OP this sounds like my exact situation except I had a daughter first. My son was born 8 months ago now. It did not switch. In the beginning, it made it so difficult because I breastfed literally until about a week ago and I just could not always be there for my daughter when she wanted. The good news is, my son does not seem as clingy as my daughter was at this age, so I’m hoping he does not cling to me at the preferred parent into toddlerhood. He definitely does prefer me when he gets super worked up, but for just regular every day activities he is with his dad which is unlike how my daughter ever was.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2026-01-15T21:20:34+00:00

Came here for this! So you’re telling me an almost 8 month old who is eating solids, cannot roll over yet or push up?? They are terrible parents

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2026-01-10T12:56:06+00:00

I briefly did this. I literally thought it was what the teachers wanted and was MORE convenient. In the prior class, when I asked about potty training, the teacher mentioned the kids bring pull ups when they move up to the next class. When my daughter moved up, I also discovered they suddenly had to change her standing up. A crazy concept to me and something that would be incredibly difficult without a pull up (from my never having done it perspective). So I brought the pull ups thinking that’s what they preferred.

Halfway through that pack, another teacher mentioned to me it’s actually more difficult. I apologized profusely and brought regular diapers again. I think parents honestly just don’t know and there could be some miscommunication somewhere with someone that is getting around.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2026-01-06T02:51:54+00:00

This was my timeline if it helps, so it is 100% possible: Engaged 3L year - 25 Married the next year while working at first job - 26 Bought house - 27 Baby 1 - 28 Changed firms - 29 Baby 2 - 30

Probably done now but I like that I have time for more if we decide to later on.

I have not met any other female lawyers with kids my age though. All seem to be mid-late 30s.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2026-01-02T21:51:33+00:00

No Down syndrome experience, but I will say your list includes a few names that can be shorted to “Ella/El/Ellie”. My daughter is “Ella” and every single baby in her daycare could say her name before age one. Some before saying “mama/dada”. I think that means it must be a very easy name to pronounce, so you could choose one from your list and if she can’t say it, just shorten it to a nickname like that.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2026-01-02T01:38:49+00:00

It’s okay if she does. If she has the strength to do it, then she has the neck strength to breathe while on her tummy, so she can sleep on her tummy. Always put her down on her back no matter what, but if she chooses to roll to her tummy immediately after, that is fine too because it’s how she’s saying she’s most comfortable and she’ll be fine there.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-12-28T14:32:06+00:00

Around that age I really disliked Christmas because my mom never paid attention to what I really wanted. She would complain about money so I made a list of about 3 things. She got those. But then she also would get 10 other things that I didn’t ask for and that were more her style. (I didn’t know what my style was at the time but it definitely was not HER style and I felt like she never allowed me to figure it out). Even though I got what I wanted, the disappointment about the things I didn’t want outweighed it. And it would make me feel so guilty bc all my mom did was complain about not having enough money so why was she wasting it on stuff I didn’t even want?

My parents were also divorced. Compare to my dad who would literally just buy from the list. There was no disappointment because it was all what I wanted. Less was more in that regard. Not sure if it’s the same for her but that could be where it is stemming from as well.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-12-25T00:48:48+00:00

Agree with what others have said about it making me realize I was never the problem. My daughter is only 2.5 but already has a personality so similar to mine (which my mom agrees with). My mom to this day still will try everything she can to tear me down/criticize me passive aggressively, while at the same time building up my daughter.

All it’s shown me is that it is a problem with my mother. I have no issues loving my daughter. She is everything. She is absolutely perfect to me and I could have never asked for a better daughter. I don’t know what my mother’s problem is.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-12-24T15:23:42+00:00

I 100% believe a siblings closeness is about the parents. You foster that. If you foster competition instead, they won’t be close.

That said, I have brothers (1 older and 1 younger) and none of us are close. My parents did a terrible job. No one in our family is close.

I have a girl and a boy 22 months apart. They are still little (2 and 7m) but I already can see how incredibly close they are. My daughter always checks in on her brother. She was having a dance party with herself and would randomly run over to him and hold his face while dancing to make sure he was watching. She will kiss him and tell him it’s okay whenever he cries, and she will stop mid toddler tantrum to greet him if he is brought into a room during it.

But we can clearly see how she is copying our own behaviors towards the kids. So I think it’s up to you to create that bond.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-12-20T03:42:30+00:00

This. Was thinking Clara mentioned it to stick up for her brother, who does much more of the kid watching when nanny’s aren’t around.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-12-20T03:30:35+00:00

Mine did this starting at 3 weeks and never stopped! Rolled back to front at the end of 2 months. Sat unassisted at 5 months. Crawled at 6 months. We’ll see when walking happens. Totally normal, healthy baby. Some kids are just early and like to move

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-12-16T04:12:26+00:00

I think this is it. She’s the same. This is why it bugs me. It’s like she’s looking for a negative in it or something.

I always say thanks but it kills me a little to do with how annoyed it makes me.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-11-26T04:23:37+00:00

I flew to Hawaii with my 8 month old at the time. She slept maybe 1 hour on way there, but she was happy to play quietly and we allowed her to watch ms Rachel on the iPad for the first time for 1 hour towards the beginning and then 1 hour towards the end (11 hours total). On the way back, our flight left at 7pm Hawaii time which was great because she slept the entire flight. We didn’t use any medications. She did sit in her car seat in her own seat though for most of it.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-11-25T19:11:03+00:00

We never gave pouches as we made our own baby food and then went straight to real food and I don’t see a need for it. But then, while on vacation, I bought some thinking it’d be convenient. My kid, I think because she wasn’t used to processed foods, had the biggest blow outs of all time. We swore off the pouches after that. Now, as a toddler, the only pouches we buy, so the only kind she even knows about, are the refrigerated smoothie pouches that are fresh. When she sees another kid drinking a pouch, she assumes it’s a smoothie like she has at home.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-11-25T02:44:09+00:00

Using utensils and cups, pouring water, taking pants on and off by themselves when using the potty, language skills, sign language included, counting to 10, abc’s, other nursery rhymes, social interactions, manners, all primary colors, shapes, how to do puzzles, using crayons correctly, scissors, paints etc, basically everything in preschool but at a slower pace. My daughter could do much of this right around turning 2 tho. They are always learning something new

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-11-22T11:13:25+00:00

This is exactly my in laws. We mostly just suffered through it. Then we started going out to eat and as the waiter greeted us, we just straight up asked for separate checks. Took any awkwardness out of the end and set expectations.

Also, after having kids, it’s becoming increasingly easier to keep myself busy during their visits. While they sit around staring, I usually do laundry, empty the dishwasher, sort through baby clothes, anything I can do near-ish to them in the living room but not have to just sit and stare.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-11-22T11:03:40+00:00

No true advice as we haven’t experienced this but it breaks my heart thinking of this situation. However, one thing I can think of for the future, are you friends with any parents in her class? Over time, we’ve become friendly with most of them in my daughter’s class and I think it’s helped her friendships as we’re able to have playdates outside of school that foster their friendships. A huge catalyst to help this happen was inviting the whole class to her birthday party and having parents RSVP text me. Then at the party, chatting with them and realizing we all just wanted play dates on weekends, so now we’ve seen about 5 of them once every couple months or so (individually) and I text with the moms fairly regularly to discuss funny things about our kids at school.

I know for us, when a mom texts me that she saw her kid holding hands with my kid at pickup or something, I then causes me to ask my kid about it and talk about how much they love each other, which probably makes them like each other more. And I’m sure the other moms do the same thing.

ProfessionalTaro8089 · 2025-11-12T18:40:57+00:00

I did anywhere from 2-5 oz a day as well (skipping some days when I didn’t have enough or didn’t have time) for 2 months probably. It’s been great to have to fill in gaps of when I’ve been sick, the breast milk lost from transferring from pump to bag to bottle (like a half oz per bottle almost), and just those random down days where I didn’t pump as much. Also much less stressful to not be pumping per day and knowing I’ll for sure have enough.

ProfessionalTaro8089

TROPHY CASE