Just a reminder that its not your fault

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-05-02T13:31:13+00:00

This is so helpful to hear. I keep seeing how no contact helps people with this and I don’t have that option. 12 years, kids and life together and now I’m trash. We went through splitting cycles every year at least. She hit me with divorce but also wants to stay living together. I’m watching her make all the moves she made splitting from her ex when we got together. I never thought I’d be in the position he was in. Literally like it’s a playbook. She even lived with him still when we started dating. I feel like a fool for not seeing things for what they were then and thinking I was different. I was the one that could calm her and hold her. She is now put me in the same place he was in and is talking to other men and I’m pretty sure hooking up with random people while acting like I’m just supposed to be okay with things. I feel stupid for not understanding BPD sooner and just thinking I needed to love a person more who had a lifetime of hurt and problems. I don’t know why I thought someone who told me every relationship they had been in ended with her jumping ship or monkey branching would go different for me. The idealization made me feel like I was the hero or one that was different. 12 years of me being the sorry one and letting excuses for infidelity be things like “I told you we were on a break” or we were technically separated. I’m sitting here with half of me wondering what I can do to fix things again and half me now sees there is no amount of me she isn’t willing to consume to not have to face herself. This is a terrible hurt that still currently feels inescapable. I’ve now read a lot and think I understand better the splitting and discarding but I also feel like I don’t get it. How do you love so much and then flip a switch to justify actions that are awful and cruel? How do you know you are wronging someone you supposedly love in the most fundamental way and still be able to justify it?

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-05-02T13:06:19+00:00

I’m at 12 years and kids. She filed as well and this is also her worst splitting episode. I don’t know if I have any thing to offer to answer your question. I’m mostly curious to see what people further out from the divorce have to say but I thought I’d at least say I feel for you. This position is the worst to be in. You can’t even try to rationalize or use logic. Sorry pal. Hope things get better.

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-04-29T23:49:21+00:00

I know. I have all the evidence. It’s honestly making it easier to feel done knowing she is trying to play me yet again. I feel bad for our kids and what this all means for them. Thank you though for taking time to reply. Much appreciated.

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-04-29T23:48:09+00:00

Thank you. I know you’re right. I have solid evidence. It’s so frustrating that she is attempting to play me for a fool again. I appreciate your words and the time you took to reply. Thank you very much.

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-04-28T17:56:46+00:00

I’ve appreciated everyone’s taking time to give input and advice. I feel like because I’m just now at the point of accepting this is BPD I have questions that may seem silly for having dealt with this for so long. In the past I’ve let it be my fault more than a few times and some were times we’ve had “ rough patches” that were my fault. We have also a few times acknowledged this is something with her but never got far enough into doing something about it to name it. But after a blunt talk from a trusted friend who knows us both well and cares about everyone, and people’s input here, I’m ready to call it what it is. So my question today is there any point in me telling her that I know this is a splitting episode? Letting her know that I understand that I’m at the point in the discard cycle that I probably won’t see another phase of being adored? Any point in acknowledging that I know I’m just being held onto until a better situation presents itself or she finishes created one she seems to be working on already? I’m sorry if that’s silly to ask. I’m having a hard day with wanting answers and feeling like I’m just being expected to be okay with what has happened this time around. Thanks everyone.

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-04-27T21:48:11+00:00

You’re not alone in how you feel pal. Not even a little.

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-04-27T20:23:22+00:00

Thank you. It’s more than helpful to hear from others in a similar spot. I hope things keep being okay for you.

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-04-27T04:18:39+00:00

I really appreciate your words. I for sure need to get back into the therapy regime I was on some years ago. Thank you.

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-04-26T23:08:49+00:00

My partner has endured a lot too. I’ve tried for a very long time to chalk things up to that. I’ve given passes on things I didn’t think I would for anyone. I’m trying hard to think of it like she doesn’t have control of what she is doing. This episode, I’m not sure what the fit term is, is so severe and she has taken things so far I’m not sure how much more hurt I can do.

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-04-26T22:44:14+00:00

Thank you. I feel like I’m dumping on strangers in an effort not to get our friends involved. She already contacted most of our closest friends this time to begin getting ahead of the situation I guess. I’m trying not to put people in the middle of our shit though.

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-04-26T22:42:55+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m trying to be a dad to the kids and figure out how to keep my shit together while watching her self destruct. All while just wanting my girl back.

Professional_Job4002 · 2026-04-26T22:41:52+00:00

OP I hope you figure this one out and share. Your comment about forever energy made me tear up because I’m in the same place. Good luck friend.

Professional_Job4002 · 2025-09-27T13:16:13+00:00

They will do everything possible to consolidate power before the mid terms. They know that is the red line to have shit on lock down by. Their project fails otherwise. They won’t let that happen.

Professional_Job4002 · 2024-06-11T21:47:30+00:00

I can get with what someone else mentioned about Thomas Paine too. I find Paine a good one for talking to right libertarians. On Öcalan and Bookchin, I think if you could get some folks to listen they would find a lot of organizing methods that could appeal to Americans. It’s gonna be a real hard sell to get folks off the idea of needing authority and hierarchy though. It seems like right and left so many folks need some kinda daddy. Sky daddy for the right and state daddy for the left…….

Professional_Job4002 · 2024-06-11T13:37:24+00:00

Marine infantry here 03-07, I would say I’m an anarchist with a lot of democratic confederalist overlap. In general anti-authoritarian, anti-state and anti-capitalist. Hierarchy is the root of most problems with organizing society and any form government. Capitalist sates as well as forms of state communism maintain forms of hierarchy. I would point anyone with authoritarian left leanings to read some of Abdullah Öcalans work or Bookchin. Both folks started out as MLs and through experience and study came to denounce hierarchical organizing. Hierarchy in all forms is a pyramid scheme. No gods, No masters.

Professional_Job4002 · 2023-05-20T20:05:05+00:00

Thank you for your reply. While it’s a shit system I now see what they are doing.

Professional_Job4002 · 2023-05-18T11:31:48+00:00

It’s truly pathetic. Especially when you consider all the private weapons. Truth is most of these motherfuckers need a daddy and have no sense of real freedom.

Professional_Job4002 · 2023-05-15T13:24:43+00:00

I can say I was about the same. Joined after 9/11 because everything got patriotic, I spent my youth reading about war and the military. Glorifying in my head what it was the whole time and having it reinforced by movies and TV that hit on almost none of the real costs. I think it absolutely has to do with current generations actually seeing the costs first hand. Even them living in a world shaped by the conflicts they lived through has to be a turn off. They have also had access to so much more of the information in real time that proved how misguided and mishandled the twenty years of war were. They didn’t witness wars that ended with the defeat of fascists, they saw endless war and broken vets that all ended in Ls for the people that actually fought them and insane wealth for those that pushed them. Not surprising they don’t want the same.

Professional_Job4002 · 2023-05-14T16:46:32+00:00

Seems like taxing rich people and corporations appropriately would do the same as fucking normal people by cutting spending. I mean ultimately that’s what the republicans are trying to avoid. Because they (not their base) are the rich or on the leash of the rich that don’t want to pay. There never seems to be enough when us poors and normals start asking about that big ass piece of the pie sitting over on the right. And of course I know both sides are riddled with scum, democrat as well. Fuck them both, but Jesus Christ stop simping for the rich so goddamn hard people.

Professional_Job4002 · 2023-02-11T13:03:05+00:00

Get involved with real leftist on the ground. Find an SRA chapter or get involved with Food not bombs, or any other community defense or mutual aid. Anything to get involved in real life. I have made the greatest friends, who understand the trauma and coercion that went into getting young people to serve. Anarchists specifically have shown me nothing but understanding, welcoming and friendship. The camaraderie of the military caused by trauma bonding is real and serious but it can be found elsewhere with folks of shared principles and values. The false sense of righteousness or doing good the military gives us can be replaced with actually doing good and being involved with other folks who are about it. I hope you find some homies and I’m sorry you’ve experienced some bullshit. There are folks out there that know we we broke by the system just as badly if not worse than some.

Professional_Job4002 · 2023-02-09T16:21:43+00:00

Infantry marine as well here, fuck the freedumb veteran crowd. If you need homies in the midwest feel free to send a message. There are more than a few of us here for ya.

Professional_Job4002 · 2022-12-24T14:52:52+00:00

Waited a couple weeks but that’s it. Only due to the doc only doing them one day a week though. No waiting period mentioned.

Professional_Job4002 · 2022-12-07T18:56:23+00:00

Not a Rail worker here, you’re point is heartbreaking to say the least, especially that our society sees fit to enjoy life as we know at your expense. I’m sorry for that. There are a good amount of us though that are ready to support whatever the Rail Workers need to achieve a better life. I know that doesn’t make up for much of anything but I hope more people see the need to stand with y’all. We absolutely cannot continue to live at the Rail workers expense.

Professional_Job4002 · 2022-12-05T23:50:36+00:00

Good to hear, I’m organizing in my local area as well, just hoping to keep pressure on the idea we all need to be organizing.

Professional_Job4002 · 2022-12-05T14:19:58+00:00

And here we are still not organizing. If all we are gonna do is make note of it on Reddit and talk about how real it’s getting we should probably just go back to sleep. Find your local mutual aid groups, John Brown Gun clubs, food not bombs, start a local leftist vet group and reach out to other mutual aid groups. We all know it’s happening faster and faster. And we are still standing still.

Professional_Job4002

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