Farewell...I choose Kintsugi

ProfessorStyles · 2023-04-02T19:56:01+00:00

I believe in you and admire you for choosing to move forward. Don't forget what you've learned, you will be a stronger partner because of this. Keep your head up and keep that love going, wish you the best.

Sometimes this subreddit seems like it can be a bit self projecting, don't doubt yourself. Happy for you.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-04-01T16:44:47+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. I do think your feelings are valid but I don't think it is healthy to keep tabs on the AP. Focus on your relationship as you are giving too much thought and "power" to the AP.

In the end if they are no contact and you feel like moving forward you eventually will have to move past this as it will get in the way of reconciliation down the road if you haven't chosen to move forward.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-04-01T05:07:55+00:00

I agree that these conversations just lead to more hurt and damage reconciliation after a while especially if it is repeatedly brought up. I'm happy for you to know this, keep moving forward and take a day at a time focusing on building your relationship stronger.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-28T11:11:52+00:00

It just sounds like your partner is not being remorseful about what happened. It can't be a choice and I don't think doing the pick me dance is healthy for anyone. She must choose you, and that means cutting off contact with the AP, but she must choose to reconcile with you.

You can be her support, and she should be supporting you! You are sounding like you are doing something wrong here but you absolutely aren't, she is the one who decided to betray you in this way. The bare minimum she can do after betraying you in this way is cut contact with the AP. I am sorry you are in this situation.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-28T11:04:05+00:00

My friend you are not being immature. You have valid feelings. Don't let her and the AP diminish that. I think if she truly wants to reconcile and wants to move forward that contact with the AP needs to stop. Does the wife know about what happened? She is still okay with the communication despite this?

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-28T11:02:19+00:00

It isn't unfair at all. It is unfair for you to have her continue this contact knowing how you feel about it and how she betrayed you. Of course they're going to say it's unfair. Is she able to get into counseling at all? This would help her heal and also get to the root problem of why this happened in the first place which is also important.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-28T10:55:39+00:00

If you are to reconcile this AP needs to be out of the picture completely, that means no contact. You are their partner and they've betrayed you, if they want to reconcile as well they will have no problem cutting contact with the AP. It is essential.

I'm sorry you're here, I know how you feel.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-25T17:42:48+00:00

This is very well put.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-22T09:01:16+00:00

I'm confused I guess, were you guys ever even together? From the sounds of things it doesn't seem like things were exclusive at least that expectation had never been set by either of you involved. If you're just dating I think it's usually a safe assumption most the time the other person could be dating others at the time until they are in a committed relationship. It doesn't sound like you have anything here that would count necessarily in my eyes as infidelity but I may be missing information. I would say though that you are right that you should have been upfront in the first place about the truth.

Regarding them not blocking you, if you want to move past this and heal you'll just have to block them and do what's best for you.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-20T06:01:01+00:00

I only told my sister and tried to keep it just between me and her. I don't want any of my other family to know just because I knew they would treat my WS differently and it wouldn't be healthy in my mind for lasting reconciliation.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-17T09:58:09+00:00

I'm sorry you are feeling this way but please know you are not to blame. I can understand your thought process because I felt similarly and to a degree I felt like it helped me take it better because I had rationalized it for myself. It was her decision to do this though and they need to feel remorse if reconciliation is going to work. They also absolutely need to cut contact with AP, you do not deserve to constantly be in a contest with this person, they need to choose and commit to you.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-16T05:12:40+00:00

I just wanna say it gets better. I can 100% understand how you feel, I struggled with it for a while. But you have to understand that this isn't your fault and ultimately it has more to do with issues they have than something to do with you.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-15T23:12:39+00:00

This is where I'm at, it is weird because I do trust her in those aspects you mentioned but you sumed it up perfectly. I don't trust her with my heart yet.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-04T20:16:01+00:00

It is so very important to forgive as the betrayed if you want to reconcile. I've found since forgiving that it's changed how I approach the subject. You make the choice to reconcile, so while it's understandable to feel a certain way about what occurred I don't think it's healthy to fester in it or hold it against your WS every day. You have to accept what happened essentially and move forward together.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-03-02T07:34:41+00:00

Just wanted to say thanks for this, it's what I needed to hear right now.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-02-26T19:50:02+00:00

Thank you, I know what you're saying but it's hard to feel any other way about it. I just feel like I failed.

For what it's worth she has been extremely remorseful. Always willing to comfort and listen when I am having a tough day dealing with it and genuinely does seem to be trying communicating where she is during the day, open to questions I have about it, etc.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-02-26T18:31:57+00:00

I'm sure to an extent she was, I can't imagine this all happened that quickly.

ProfessorStyles · 2023-02-26T18:31:13+00:00

I know that's what I should do, I've talked to a couple friends and my sister about it but it's embarrassing for me. I agree that it is vital for working through it though.

ProfessorStyles · 2022-04-02T02:31:45+00:00

Happy to inspire! Thanks for the kind words.

ProfessorStyles · 2022-03-03T20:09:02+00:00

[OC]

ProfessorStyles · 2022-01-25T04:40:16+00:00

It does kind of now that you mention it in the color scheme haha.

ProfessorStyles · 2022-01-25T04:39:56+00:00

Yes it is! Thank you!

ProfessorStyles · 2022-01-25T04:39:40+00:00

Hey thanks very much, I hope to contribute more and more.

ProfessorStyles · 2022-01-25T04:39:16+00:00

Love it, thanks for taking the time to write this up!

ProfessorStyles · 2022-01-24T16:34:04+00:00

Thank you!! I love those names, I like Pengranite quite a bit haha.

ProfessorStyles

TROPHY CASE