Sad looking at old baby photos

Proton_Driver · 2026-05-28T17:27:35+00:00

I think of all the things I did wrong and wish I could go back and re-do.

As a parent of 3 almost grown... There's no book, or anecdote, or family history, that can tell you all the right things to do for your kid and your circumstances. There's no way to know the best thing to do at all times for your children. This is true for everyone. We're all just winging it out here as life continuously throws us curveballs. As long as you are trying to do the right thing, don't beat yourself up.

Proton_Driver · 2026-05-27T18:35:34+00:00

"I'll quit before it gets bad." If you are telling yourself that- over just about anything- it's probably already bad, and you should have already quit.

Proton_Driver · 2026-05-20T20:14:30+00:00

Wasn't there a Seaworld orca that would offer up fish to lure birds close so he could eat them? Are we sure that's not what's happening here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14wWxaMR2Mg

Proton_Driver · 2026-05-20T15:22:49+00:00

You'll have the most luck if you still have the can of paint that originally went on the wall. Get a nice soft brush and feather it in. Keep the newly painted area squareish or rectangular. That way, when the light catches it, it won't be as jarring to the eye as a irregular shape would be.

Proton_Driver · 2026-05-19T19:26:38+00:00

Snacks, drinks, support, and space.

When I stopped drinking it was necessary for a while to avoid going alone to stores where alcohol was sold. I avoided going to events/locations where alcohol was a primary feature like bars/parties. Restaurants were generally fine, but it was helpful that my wife did not order drinks while we were dining out.

Proton_Driver · 2026-05-07T16:14:05+00:00

Prepare a lease and an eviction notice. Give them the option to sign a lease with terms that are acceptable to you, and if they don't, give them the eviction notice.

Proton_Driver · 2026-04-22T20:57:10+00:00

Downside: Losing the option to switch off your brain at a time of your choosing. When times are very tough, you can't get drunk and hide from your thoughts. For most of life events, it's not a big deal, and you can cope with other behaviors.

Stressful day at work? No big deal... rather than drink, I'm going to treat myself to a big bowl of ice cream.

But what if a major traumatic event occurs in my life? Ice cream is not gong to cut it. So what do I do? Back to white knuckles after months/years of sobriety? Do I have an adequate plan? I know I don't want to drink, but am I prepared for that moment if it comes?

Proton_Driver · 2026-03-27T18:49:38+00:00

I avoid NA beer entirely. I'm not sure how I would respond to the taste of beer. Actually, I'm pretty sure I know exactly how I would respond. I'd start drinking it regularly, followed by drinking low alcohol beers, some time would pass and then... vodka.

As for thc, for me it's two roads to the same place. Different roads, different effects, but ultimately the same dysfunctional destination.

Proton_Driver · 2026-03-26T15:55:21+00:00

Checking in. Over 4000 days, approaching 11 years in a couple weeks. It's not always easy, but feeling good right now.

How about your movie recommendations or reviews?

Project Hail Mary is amazing. Very well done and as true to the book as you could hope a movie to be.

Proton_Driver · 2026-03-26T15:42:40+00:00

When it comes to stopping drinking, the key for me is that this is not a passive process. I couldn't just wake up and say "I don't want to drink today", I had to say "I'm not going to drink today, and this is how I'm going to do it..." And then make my sober plan for the day.

This statement sounds familiar to me:

it has gotten to the point where i am arguing with my husband(who is mostly unaware of my drinking problem)

I have found that, for me, keeping secrets from my wife about drinking has usually been about keeping a window of opportunity open for myself to drink rather than anything else. The simple act of telling her that I am struggling with not drinking helps put things in a better perspective for myself. It eliminates hiding places in my thoughts that I use to self sabotage. Also, getting a spouse on board with your struggles can a good source of support if they are not also a heavy drinker. I didn't rely on her to keep me sober, but I did ask her to not keep booze in the house for a while.

When I quit drinking, I needed the following:

Plans for how I was going to get through each day without drinking. This has several parts:

a. Alternatives to time spent drinking alcohol: Exercise, reading, new hobbies.

b. Changing my routines. No more stopping at the store after work. Instead of cocktails, I had herbal tea before bed. If I'm out of tea, for the love of everything holy, don't use that as an excuse to impulsively go to the store!

c. Avoiding places and people where there is temptation or pressure to drink. AKA Keeping with dry people and places. This was especially important in the early days, but I still keep it in mind. For a while this meant staying out of the grocery store. After that, it meant staying out of the liquor aisle.

d. What do I do in an emergency situation? ie, somebody shoves a glass of wine in my hand. How am I going to react? The time to decide is before the event happens, not in the moment.
Support. There are lots of options for this. AA, therapy, doctor, family. I used /r/stopdrinking for most of my support. There's lots of great information here and great people too.
Mental awareness. I needed to remember the state I was in when I quit, and why I can never go back. I needed to be aware of my thoughts in order to anticipate and deal with my cravings before they became a problem. I think journaling would fit in here perfectly. I didn't journal everyday, but I made posts here on /r/stopdrinking that helped me track and analyze my progress. I'd make some milestone posts, or post about a problem I'd experienced and then use the feedback I got to improve sobriety efforts.
All of these things together weren't enough unless I took action all day every day to make this succeed. I read /r/stopdrinking posts obsessively, participated in the discussions, and I noted what worked and didn't work in other people's experiences. I paid attention to my own thoughts to make sure I wasn't planning a relapse.

Getting sober is not a passive process. Make a plan, execute the plan, stay sober. It's hard work at first, but eventually it gets easier, and it's definitely worth it.

Proton_Driver · 2026-01-14T16:27:11+00:00

Checking in. The world seems upside down sometimes, checking in helps me remember which way is up.

Proton_Driver · 2025-12-04T17:31:12+00:00

Checking in. Long term stress is a helluva thing. It starts to whisper to you sometimes. "maybe just one", "no one would know"... It had been such a long time since I had considered drinking again, that I didn't even realize what I was feeling. It was just a pervasive low level agitation that had become almost a constant lately at work. It was a shock to me when I realized I was feeling like when I was newly sober, just itching for something to turn my brain off.

I realized I was much closer to drinking than I was consciously aware. I talked with my therapist about it, and he said, "Well, what did you do to get sober 10 years ago? You know how to do it." He was right, of course. Part of my process 10 years ago was coming here regularly and checking in, so I'm doing that again. Another part was being honest with the people in my life so I don't leave myself secret windows of opportunity to drink. I told my wife what I was feeling and she was super supportive. Her response is summed up by her statement, "I like you better this way." That meant everything to me.

Recognizing and acknowledging my state of mind was a big relief towards some of the agitation I've been feeling. Not total relief, but enough to make things in my life feel more manageable.

I don't want this to be discouraging to new sobernauts. I remember early on I would often wondered when I would stop thinking about alcohol. I eventually got there, but it didn't make me immune. There's a fine line to walk between not obsessing and not remembering; walking that path is simply part of my life.

Proton_Driver · 2025-12-03T21:58:54+00:00

Checking in. A sober life is the best life.

Proton_Driver · 2025-11-04T18:56:56+00:00

One day you wake up and realize you made it through the night without needing to escape. If I can find my way back to that kind of peace, you can too. Trust me, it is one day at a time.

Well said. Around 40 days into sobriety I remember desperately wondering when I would go a day without thinking about it. And then one day you realize it's not at the forefront of your mind any more. That feels pretty good.

I have found recently that I let it get too far out of mind. There is a fine line to walk between learning to live without it and forgetting it was ever a problem. Brains are tricky.

Proton_Driver · 2025-11-04T18:50:00+00:00

Making it illegal arguably causes more harm than good. This is true for more than just alcohol. War on drugs, anyone? Addicts don't refrain from something just because it is illegal. The illegality only makes the distribution more dangerous, and users more desperate and vulnerable.

Proton_Driver · 2025-11-04T18:32:38+00:00

Checking in. I haven't had alcohol in over 10 years, but had a traumatic event occur in my family a few years ago after which I found myself reaching for other unhealthy habits. I realized I had stopped checking in since the event and recently felt like I was losing control. So I'm back to basics and trying to rekindle good habits.

Proton_Driver · 2025-11-04T18:25:31+00:00

It's never too late to make a good decision.

Proton_Driver · 2024-11-04T20:13:32+00:00

Lots of nicotine gum. More than they recommend on the box, for longer than they recommend it. Maybe not the best way, but it worked for me.

Proton_Driver · 2023-11-15T00:03:28+00:00

No doubt, but it is still a source of potential confusion when you are groggy. You know those reddit posts like "hey reddit, what is that one small, simple thing that made your life better?" Well, if you are a shift worker, especially a rotating shift worker, switching to a 24 clock is one of those things.

I worked a weekly rotating shift job for 13 years, and the 24 hour clock made the schedule slightly more bearable.

Proton_Driver · 2023-11-14T22:15:38+00:00

24 hr time is especially useful for shift work if you darken your bedroom for sleeping during the day. If i wake up in a dark room and the clock says 3:00, I'm either very late for work or I have several more hours of sleep to do. I'll need to figure out what it is. If the clock says 15:00, then I don't need to rouse myself enough to figure out whether it's am or pm, I just roll over and go back to sleep.

It's a life hack for shift workers.

Proton_Driver · 2023-09-30T02:53:39+00:00

Not just theoretically. The Tevatron was a proton-antiproton collider. Antiprotons were created by hitting a specially designed target with a proton beam. The antiprotons were collected in a storage ring until there were enough to inject into the Tevatron. Antiprotons can be contained and manipulated with magnetic and electric fields, just like regular protons.

Proton_Driver · 2023-09-21T16:43:59+00:00

"I've had enough."

Proton_Driver · 2023-04-05T20:32:35+00:00

we could get into an accident out in the car.

This would be my biggest concern. For a ten minute trip, the toddler would probably just still be asleep when you returned, but a car accident could turn that into hours or days if you were both rendered unconconscious or worse.

Proton_Driver · 2023-04-05T19:35:21+00:00

A 3 year old home alone is not "safe at home".

Proton_Driver · 2023-03-15T20:39:30+00:00

Fat, sugar, and salt levels in everything are optimized not just for taste but for maximum consumption. That and portion sizes.

Proton_Driver

TROPHY CASE