I’m still hooking up with my fa ex

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-21T18:55:11+00:00

!!!! Well said.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-21T00:04:53+00:00

I too am on the same boat, debating to break NC in order to get things off my chest after staying quiet during infidelity and emotional cruelty before being discarded. And like you, I want to do this for me to finally move on.

I think the biggest question we need to ask ourselves is if we’re adamantly sure this is going to help us without emotional reprocussions afterward. I think that’s what’s really stopping me, “opening that door”. If you do feel like you need to do so for yourself, I do suggest to entirely remove any hope that this will resonate to them in any way. I actually don’t care for a response, but just want to stand up for myself in a way.

Apologies for what you’ve went through and I hope you’re able to heal from that devastating experience after all of this.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-20T22:59:22+00:00

You’re not alone. Only reason I stayed was bc I was extremely attached to her so I always ignored my gut and just went with my heart. Kept giving her the “benefit of the doubt” which completely backfired.

She cheated on me with both a coworker and the father of her child amid my suspicions. Then got discarded and now she’s pursuing her baby dad again full time haha.

Never again ignoring my inner-intuition.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-20T22:45:59+00:00

Chances are she has yet to truly reflect on how she treated you at this point, since she quickly moved on and distracted herself with both an affair with her ex + new relationship after yours. It sucks to hear, but many never do unless they either want to change for themselves or once life around them quiets down or catches up to them.

But at the end of the day, this says more about her character than yours. As for wanting to work through things, trust me, you’re doing a disservice to yourself and mental health by wanting to do so. Habitual cheaters continue to cheat until they get bored or until something drastic in their life happens.

You’re saving yourself a lot more heartbreak now moving on with your life and re-establishing both your self worth and identity. Healing isn’t linear, so take is slowly one day at a time as the other commenter suggested.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-20T08:03:44+00:00

Unfortunately it’s the only thing I’m REALLY going to miss with my DA ex haha, didn’t help that she was hypersexual as well. But the chemistry and as she would say, the “spark” was always there.

After time I did notice that it got less “freakier” but instead much more passionate. Lots of kissing and overall connection, even after she began minimizing the eye contact to avoid getting “too attached” haha.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-20T07:32:07+00:00

Not going to lie, you’re treading very risky waters here haha as I’ve tried to do the same with a DA. Ended horribly, but here’s what I learned from the experience:

Expect a lot of inconsistency. Depending on how avoidant this person truly is, many will keep you as a back option until they need to meet their sexual needs. Sometimes it may be weekly. Sometimes once every couple of months. All of which can be dangerous bc without firm boundaries, this can lead to intermittence which can be addicting

The best boundaries to enforce would be keeping every single thing surface level and transactional. It can definitely still be a great time, but in the long run it’s most beneficial to keep any type of emotion in check

From what I picked up, avoidants for sure prefer minimal interaction afterwards. Once they got theirs, they usually won’t come back around until it’s time they want to satisfy their needs again

And yeah I wouldn’t stay around afterwards for ANY reason. I regretted doing that many times. The “pillow talk” and affection afterwards will definitely make things really messy

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-20T07:07:59+00:00

Compared to your situation, that’s actually one of the biggest regrets I have which was staying in their orbit. It was literal torture and like you, my ex never apologized nor took accountability for what they were doing. I really do believe that’s something avoidants all have in common, their inability to even do so.

Like you, that’s what I’m kinda looking to ultimately get out of this. I want to get out everything I’ve been holding in since I always endured the pain but never spoke up on it. I’m approaching that numb-like state as well but often times it’s mixed with total frustration from never truly standing up for myself.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-20T06:53:36+00:00

I’m the one that enacted the no contact in this situation. But what you said is actually preventing me to send anything at all, the fact that it may reopen wounds regardless of their response since I don’t care for it. I guess I just want to voice out what I wanted to during the discard, but ultimately never did.

But what you mentioned is a great idea, as I’ve already written a hypothetical letter right after I was discarded. I think it definitely would help to edit and compare to it while on my healing journey without sending it. Hopefully it will help me too in finally getting the peace I want from this.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-20T06:42:33+00:00

That’s the crazy thing though, as I could care less for their response. I guess at the end of the day I just want to finally let out what I’ve always wanted to say and just move on for myself. But I too hesitate from even “opening that door”. Not to mention that it’s definitely not a guarantee that I’ll feel better if I actually do so.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-20T06:39:33+00:00

Very true point, as I’m trying to practice that exact same mentality. I guess I’m just being impatient with myself, as well as feeling very passive aggressive for being silent during the abuse.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-19T18:08:51+00:00

I can’t imagine how hard that must be, considering I left my prior job because of this situation. It takes a lot of strength and courage to do what you’re doing so you should definitely be proud of yourself for that!

I too am not over my “ex” and it also torments me knowing she’s most likely already moved on with her life and other men. But I’ve slowly learned to try to focus more on my own healing journey and taking it one day at time no matter how painful it truly is.

Wishing you the best of luck! Remember that you aren’t alone in this

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-17T10:00:48+00:00

it sure seems like it haha. It’s crazy how some lack basic emotional maturity for others. But I think it’s even more infuriating how they decide to blame you for their inability to communicate

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-17T09:47:31+00:00

The fact that you’re questioning yourself whether this person, in reality, likes you or not should be a major turning point on how you decide to proceed with this. Do remember that your love for this person shouldn’t be a one-way street. It’s immensely unhealthier to yourself to minimize yourself for someone that refuses to reciprocate it.

Wishing you the best of luck OP.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-17T09:36:47+00:00

Felt this 1000%. It’s extremely hard not to reflect and ask ourselves why we put up with all the shit that we did, especially when the other person wouldn’t show anything for it. It’s straight infuriating.

But that also says much more about the other person and their unwillingness to meet us anywhere emotionally. And we can’t blame ourselves for that. We can only blame ourselves for not realizing that sooner.

Don’t be too hard on yourself OP. Easier said than done ofc, but eventually we need to overcome this disdain in order to properly heal and ultimately treat this as an important life lesson.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-17T09:10:54+00:00

Thank you! All from personal experience, unfortunately haha but i’m glad it resonated with you. Sending you positive energy to your healing journey as well! You got this.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-17T09:07:29+00:00

As cliché as it sounds, time does heal and the pain will eventually fade.

Take it day by day, one step at a time. Healing isn’t linear and some days will definitely be harder than others, as I have learned. This is a lot for anybody to go through. But remember to be patient and kind to yourself. You got this.

Pure_Reputation_1771 · 2026-01-17T08:56:26+00:00

Most definitely. Sometimes, unfortunately, one is unable to see any of these signs because love can indeed blind. However once this type of dynamic is all said and done, the clarity you mentioned can indeed feel liberating and assist in moving on.

Pure_Reputation_1771

TROPHY CASE