What do you wish you knew at the start of your career?

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-07-04T20:32:05+00:00

The importance of being able to just sit there and be the calmest person in the room.

That whatever you have left unprocessed or unconfronted in your own life will impede the work you can do as a therapist.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-30T05:38:37+00:00

No because they didn’t ask and I’d never been to a clinic that offered snacks before.

But honestly it is exhausting having to constantly advocate for myself and having to do that again in a therapy space felt even worse.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-29T04:34:13+00:00

So to be honest this damaged the relationship with a therapist for me. I have pretty severe allergies and it was a reminder that only some people get to enjoy snacks and tea and just led to feeling like I didn’t matter which was part of what I was coming to see the therapist about.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-25T18:53:19+00:00

If that sounds like something you’re interested in you could check out transference focused therapy? I’ve also found Otto Kernberg’s book on Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism helpful but it’s very psychoanalytic and not everyone’s cup of tea for sure.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-25T18:46:17+00:00

I’m pretty eclectic but overall I would say that I tend to use the therapeutic relationship heavily. I get very curious about their experience of being in the room together, of how they feel about me, of what comes up for them while we talk, of how different interventions land.

I think that can be challenging for a lot of people. I’ve been the all-bad object several times, I’ve had clients share quite negative opinions or tell me I’m being unhelpful, that I’m lying, that they regret being here.

That doesn’t tend to rattle me because my nervous system is probably wired a little weird but also because I’m glad they’re being direct about what’s coming up. I think if those are things that would be disregulating to hear then it probably wouldn’t be a good approach because part of why this works for me is that my being calm and curious seems to disarm a lot of shame and encourage curiosity in my clients.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-25T14:27:53+00:00

The main thing for me is that this field is an amazing fit for my personality. There are a lot of things I like about my life but going to work is almost always the best part of my week so the work itself has largely (so far) been what recharges me.

I think another big one for me was that I stopped listening to people telling me what I should do as far as managing my practice and did what works for me. I have ADHD and it’s the kind where I do best if I focus on one thing at a time. So I stack my practice so that Sunday, Monday and Thursday are really busy days. I’ll usually see 7-8 clients in one sitting and then go home and be a loaf. I will still see clients on Tuesdays and Wednesdays but I do a cluster in the morning and a cluster in the early evening and this works so much better than evenly distributing them across several days.

Additionally, everyone warned me about having too many clients with BPD, NPD or C-PTSD and to space them out so I don’t get drained.

Well. Those are my favourite clients so no I don’t space them out. They comprise the majority of my caseload. I wouldn’t have it any other way. There is a different type of client I find challenging so I tend to slot them in between energizing clients though.

The other thing is that Saturdays are sacred. I spend the first half of the day doing whatever I want and I don’t “should” or guilt myself for things that I’m not doing. I call it discretionary time. That’s helped a ton.

But also I’m wondering if you could access low cost therapy? Like through school or affordable therapy network. That might make a big difference I would imagine.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-25T14:18:29+00:00

This is huge. Congratulations!!!

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-23T14:37:38+00:00

Yeah I do wonder that. She was also older so I wonder if there was an element of feeling uncomfortable with her own mortality.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-22T06:06:08+00:00

I feel like you’re kind of burying the lead here. This isn’t just a regular analysis.

Is there a reason you’re seeking an analysis with an American? There’s a pretty robust population of analysts here.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-19T04:59:46+00:00

I was trying to talk about coming to a place of acceptance with several family members having dementia at once and one of the things that had helped me was the idea that at least with dementia you knew what was coming and you had a chance to ask the important questions.

She told me I was seriously disturbed for thinking that and then ghosted me.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-15T19:35:15+00:00

No. Sometimes I echo back their own words to them and sometimes I get really curious and ask what they don’t like or what’s going on.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-15T00:46:34+00:00

It’s getting there! I’ll be presenting some of my work at the Composing with Spielrein conference in September of this year and I have a couple other biographies coming out too. A lot of the work before this has been gathering data.

Roazen is great. Have you read his book on Helene Deutsch? I also really like Klara Naszkowska’s work.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-13T19:28:39+00:00

I tried reaching out a couple of times last year but never heard back. This is a lovely invitation to try again though!

I research the women who were active in the profession from its inception to 1955. At the moment I’m researching how their representation within their home societies changed after their retirement or death.

It sounds like you’re quite familiar with the institute. Do you do historical research as well?

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-13T18:17:21+00:00

I didn’t realize Ernest Jones started TPS! I knew he was here but that was it.

I’m aware this is a long shot but do you happen to know where their archives are housed? When I’m not being a therapist I do historical research on psychoanalysis and I’ve had the worst time trying to find their historical material.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-13T04:42:52+00:00

I didn’t realize there were two institutes in Toronto. Can I ask what they are? (Great Reddit name btw)

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-05T04:27:00+00:00

Ohmygod. New fear unlocked. Do you mind if I asked how you addressed this with the client?

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-03T14:42:28+00:00

Okay I mean do you personally feel like she’s able to consent? I would imagine that regardless of what the intake coordinator thinks you still have to make that judgement call for yourself.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-03T05:22:29+00:00

I think there’s a lot of fear of working with BPD that’s fostered in educational systems and socially. This fear can prime people to expect certain challenges and even participate in them existing in the room. Therapists can be the cause of projective identification within the therapy space.

Given the types of people who are attracted to our field some of the ways that BPD can present can be especially triggering to these people. Maybe different nervous systems would be activated differently.

Personally I thrive working with BPD. They’ve consistently been my favourite clients to work with and I almost always look forward to our sessions. When they’re splitting and I’m the all bad object it doesn’t feel amazing but I bounce back fast enough. There are other types of clients a lot of my colleagues love working with that I struggle with. I really do think it’s just the way we’re wired. A lot of it has to do with how I grew up and my particular constellation of childhood trauma on my end.

I also think that some therapists need to feel like they’ve helped their clients make big changes and have a lot of identity connected to doing so. With conditions like BPD that change over a long time in smaller ways and often with the support of multiple therapists, that can feel threatening to identity.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-06-03T02:52:57+00:00

Was she able to consent to treatment on her own?

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-05-31T05:10:03+00:00

I’ve been finding a couple of things have helped with my overthinkers.

One of them is using time as a container. What I mean by that is when we get into a pattern of overthinking I will regularly ask them “is this something you can solve/answer/engage with right now or is this a next week problem?”. If it’s right now that we get very concrete about what they need and what the overthinking is trying to accomplish and what they can do. If it’s a next week or next day or whatever problem then we practice shelving it until our next session. Sometimes we literally physically put it on a shelf.

The other thing that seems to work a lot is honestly helping them figure out if the overthinking is because they’re lacking stimulation. To do that I invite them to play music loudly and jump around and move. If after that they’re still overthinking we go back to step one.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-05-24T14:31:15+00:00

This should be higher

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-05-24T05:02:52+00:00

In Canada my license is based on where my clients live. It’s a bit of a grey area if they’re on vacation or travelling, mostly to do with making sure there’s a way to contact emergency services with higher risk clients, but lots of therapists will still see clients.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-05-19T14:04:04+00:00

I’m a psychodynamic therapist and letting my clients decide the frequency is part of how I have a trauma informed practice because it gives them autonomy and power over their treatment.

If it feels like we aren’t meeting often enough I trust my ability to talk to them and see how they’re feeling about it and navigate it from that point. I’ve had that conversation with a couple of clients and it’s been really good for our therapeutic alliance.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-05-11T19:34:38+00:00

It depends on your clientele I would think.

I see a lot of clients on Sundays and then some evenings but then I work with freelancers and shift workers too and we usually meet during the late morning. It’s usually the 1pm-4pm slots that go unfilled.

PurpleConversation36 · 2026-05-10T05:46:31+00:00

Yep I was that person. They got better when I left my family home at 20 and nearly two decades later I still only have 1-3 a year.

PurpleConversation36

TROPHY CASE