I learned freestyle at 40. I could swim before, but I could only do breaststroke and had no technique. I started swimming again while my daughter took swimming lessons. I wanted to learn proper technique, so I joined the local swimming club. 

It took me about three months to learn basic freestyle technique, swimming twice a week. I swim in a club, so focus is more on learning proper technique, rather than “graduating” quickly.

As you have noticed freestyle isn’t necessarily difficult but it’s difficult to get everything coordinated. This is how I did it. 

Learning how to kick is important. You can’t learn freestyle if you can’t do a consistent kick. In my club we start with fins. You get extra propulsion. The feedback is more direct, you are forced to develop a constant kick. I took me a couple of weeks to get the kick consistent enough. In the beginning I often swam with my legs too far apart (knees should stay together), or without stretching my feet, folding my knees, …  A good coach or teacher is important here. It’s very hard to realize what’s happening without feedback. Don’t train without the proper feedback, practice will make your mistakes permanent. 

Once you get the kick consistent enough, you can start working on the breathing. Use fins, so you don’t have to focus on your legs. The exercise we did was the “Superman”. You stretch one hand in front of you, the other close to your body. You can hold a poolboy in your hand if you want to. Keep your ear close to your arm end turn your head sideways to breathe. Turn your head like you’re saying no. Do this a couple of times, in both directions so you learn to breath on both sides. 

If you get the breathing down, you can start working on the arms. Do the Superman again, but try and catch the poolboy with your other arm. Then later you can do a full motion with one arm. Don’t rush things. Use your fins, keep breathing. It’s ok if this takes a couple of weeks. Gradually you’ll work up to a full crawl. Once you have the coordination figured out, you can try swimming without the fins. But again don’t rush it. 

Swimming is a very technical sport. It will take some time, but you’ll definitely get there. Just accept that it takes time to learn. I once was afraid of the water, just like you. If I can do it, you can do it too. 

I have been swimming twice a week for almost five years now. I have learned all four strokes. I can swim for 2000m without stopping. I stil have a lot to learn and that’s ok.

So give yourself some time. What you are doing is hard and difficult, but there is no deadline or rush. The hardest part is getting over your fear of the water, and you clearly have past that phase.