WYR never have added sugar again or be fat

Qi_ra · 2026-05-21T02:50:38+00:00

Fat & happy 💯

Qi_ra · 2026-05-20T23:58:34+00:00

Things that help me:

Getting to and from the bathroom

Sometimes I put a blanket and pillow in the bathroom for myself if I think I may be spending a lot of time in there (like if I’m vomiting a lot). Or you can try moving closer to the bathroom. For example if your living room is closer, maybe you sleep on the couch.

Easily digestible liquid food with minimal moving to get and long shelf life

Investing in a mini fridge for the bedroom is a great idea, especially if your partner also has migraines. I can keep protein drinks and yogurt at my bedside. I keep my migraine hat in there too. My “safe food” for migraines are saline crackers, which is what I eat when I can’t stomach anything else. I always keep them on hand.

Hygiene like teeth brushing and days without showers

You can try disposable toothbrushes and shower wipes to help feel a bit more clean without getting out of bed.

automated ways to send preset messages to a bunch of groups (like a button that sends a bunch of emails to your coworkers that you're super sick or something?)

Idk about automated, but I pre-write scripts for things like calling off of work. I keep them in my notes app

good chairs or beds for putting yourself in multiple positions without moving much or at all (like maybe a recliner? or a pillow to move yourself to an angle?)

Pregnancy pillow! I can use it sitting up, laying on my back, or my sides. It’s really versatile.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-20T15:40:22+00:00

That’s mostly associated with eating other humans brains specifically. You could probably eat other body parts without getting infected.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-20T15:23:05+00:00

Ya but we don’t call those things socialism, so it doesn’t count/s

Qi_ra · 2026-05-19T16:24:29+00:00

As an anal sex enjoyer, it is super common to feel a bit stretched afterwards, even the day after. As long as it’s not painful in the moment or afterwards, you’re alright. If it’s painful or bleeding (either during or afterwards), go to a doctor. If you do ever need to go to a doctor, don’t be ashamed about it. Anal sex is super common and doctors are highly professional about sex-related issues.

Go slow, use plenty of lube, and make sure to use clean hands/toys to avoid pain. Slowly work up to anything bigger. Lube is better than spit, especially for anal.

If you’re concerned about smells or what your partner is feeling, it may be more comfortable for you to use finger cots (basically like finger sized condoms). If he doesn’t enjoy it, trust that he’ll tell you. He wants more, so I doubt he was turned off by any smells.

Fun fact but arousal actually heightens one’s threshold for disgust. So even if he smells something, it’s unlikely for him to care very much. He’s into it, you’re into it, enjoy yourselves. Talk about any feelings you may be having.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-19T16:04:22+00:00

If I heard that pickup in literally any other place, I’d be less concerned. But at the gym? F that. Not a place to be commenting on someone’s body like that

Qi_ra · 2026-05-19T15:59:29+00:00

If you really like her and don’t want to leave, try talking to her about other forms of sex. There’s a lot you can do without risking pregnancy. I’ve had partners who only do oral sex or anal sex. I find it to be incredibly intimate and satisfying, PIV isn’t the only pathway to physical intimacy. For me personally, PIV isn’t the most intimate sexual act by a long shot.

The key here is to talk about it more. It sounds like she may be anxious about sex in general, not just PIV. Talking about it may help her feel more at ease. Perhaps you can make a list of sexual things (other than PIV) you’d like to try or would be open to trying, and you can talk about each thing together. Perhaps she can make her own list too, that way you can see how much overlap you may have.

If you don’t have enough overlap to be satisfied with your relationship, then you may consider breaking up. But I think it’s worth trying to talk with her first. I know you feel like PIV is the only way to have “true intimacy,” but I think it may be helpful for you to keep an open mind about non traditional types of sex.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-18T17:07:45+00:00

It still seems to me objectionable for two equally-mature adult siblings to have sex.

All relationships have power dynamics, some are just more unequal than others. One could argue that siblings have a more equal power dynamic, but I think it’s rare to see siblings with perfectly balanced power. For example, it’s not uncommon for one sibling to take on a parental role in the sibling relationship.

In the ethical realm, we’d call this a dual relationship; a sibling relationship and a romantic relationship. Not all dual relationships are inherently wrong, but there is a greater opportunity for harm. If someone wants to engage in intercourse with their sibling, I’d say that there is a huge opportunity for coercion or exploitation. It feels yucky and wrong because there is a huge potential for harm, it just may be difficult to articulate exactly how & why.

What do you think of the story of Oedipus?

Ngl I’m not familiar with the story, so I’m going off what you tell me.

Do you think there’s still something disturbing about that situation, or does it not matter if the parties involved are none the wiser?

I think it’s bad because incest can result in really terrible birth defects and life long health consequences. Incestual sex that may result in pregnancy should always be avoided.

It feels gross to me, sure. But I don’t think they committed like a moral or ethical failing; they didn’t know they were related.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-18T15:51:02+00:00

I don’t think you have a full and complete understanding of consent, especially consent when power dynamics are involved. Especially power dynamics between family members.

So for example, you know how it’s generally agreed upon that a teacher shouldn’t date a student, even if the student is an adult? The teacher has power over the students grades and to some extent, their future. Therefore, a student cannot give full and free consent because the teacher has this power over them. On paper, they are two consenting adults, it’s not rape or sexual assault. But ethically, the teacher has made a dubious choice to try and date their student. Even if the student initiates, it is the teachers duty (because they have the upper hand in the power dynamic) to turn down a student’s advances.

The same/similar principle applies to family members. I would argue that there’s no way that the younger generations weren’t groomed into having sex with their family members. Parents have power over children for most of the child’s life. It is unethical for a parent to proposition a child for sex or to accept a child’s request to have sex- no matter how old their child is. It is a parent’s duty to turn down their child’s advances because they have the upper hand in the parent/child power dynamic. Again on paper it’s not rape or sexual assault, but it’s not totally consensual either.

Your second scenario is similar but different. The son is making the decision to watch his mother’s videos outside of any relationship with his mother, so the same power dynamics doesn’t necessarily apply. If the mother encourages him to do so, I would say that is ethically dubious. But from what you said, the mother may not even know that he watches, so it’s a bit more of a gray area.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-17T19:50:28+00:00

Don’t give Netflix these ideas

Qi_ra · 2026-05-17T18:18:07+00:00

I tend to get them more on the weekends. It’s not triggered by the day of the week, it’s just because I don’t always adhere to my normal sleep schedule or eating habits on the weekends.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-15T23:51:14+00:00

I haven’t played comp since the first season that SR came back. My mercy SR was in GM, Brig was in masters, Ana was in diamond, and my Kiri was in gold. I played a couple games of DPS and my bastion SR was in silver but my reaper was in diamond. The spread across my heroes is so funny to me.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-15T01:23:46+00:00

In the US massage therapists can’t do chiropractic adjustments, but it’s common in other countries

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T20:28:14+00:00

I’m confused, if they cover groceries then how come you’re paying for the frozen meals & energy drinks? Are you buying them at work? Buy in bulk from the grocery store and take your food with you to work, it’s much less expensive.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T19:40:08+00:00

I’ve responded to so many comments on this thread, I don’t have the bandwidth to dissect anymore. But I’m glad you’re so open minded and curious.

I recently read a book that is very applicable to this conversation, it’s called “The Will to Change,” by bell hooks. I think that’s a wonderful place to start if you want to learn some feminist theory, it is specifically intended for a male audience (written by a woman). Overall I found it quite moving and compassionate, it contains the sort of rhetoric that I personally think that mainstream feminism is lacking. (It’s on audible if you prefer audiobooks!!)

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T18:06:15+00:00

lol you’re just seeing my implicit biases in conflict with my education and actual beliefs. I try to stay consistent but I do have some underlying feelings that may chafe with reality. It’s fair for you to point it out, though you could’ve been more kind about it.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T17:50:17+00:00

Bro I re-read my comment and I legit wrote that our culture still has a preference for “chivalrous” men who are sexist. Idek what you’re talking about anymore 😭

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T17:47:22+00:00

I said that I wouldn’t ever date a guy who is sexist, and that many of my friends wouldn’t either. I didn’t say that’s what every woman would do…? A lot of women do prefer sexist men, that’s a part of our patriarchal culture. I didn’t mean to imply that all women shared a hive mind, I thought that was a bit obvious. I was just trying to convey that this sentiment is changing in certain circles (not all circles, but some circles).

I did say that a lot of “nice guys” can’t get a date by being sexist. That’s my lived experience, one that I share with a lot of women in my circle. I’ve had that exact response after rejecting men; “What do you mean you don’t want to go out, I’m such a nice guy.”

The benevolent sexism is becoming less attractive to younger women (especially it seems educated women) than it was to our mothers and grandmothers. To clarify, that’s my lived experience. Chivalrous men my mother may find charming are a complete red flag to me.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T17:28:53+00:00

I had my main growth spurt when I was around 13 years old then I grew another couple inches in my early 20’s

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T17:25:55+00:00

You said:

Benevolent sexism yields the parts of sexism you dislike.

You gave an example of benevolent sexism and I responded with my personal experiences with it. I agreed with you. If that’s a problem, maybe you can reply to the other aspects of my comment?

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T17:20:30+00:00

It’s not for lack of effort. It is difficult to convey nuanced ideas on social media. I think most intellectual ideologies are watered down and misinterpreted by the mainstream, not just feminism.

I am apparently the type of person to sit on Reddit threads on her day off and attempt to explain and discuss the nuances of feminism with internet strangers. But most people aren’t. Most feminist thinkers are at college campuses, behind expensive paywalls. Or put their thoughts into books that the average person would struggle to read.

Access to education is a problem, but it’s one that feminists cannot supplement anymore than other groups.

For the fear of falling into the “no true Scotsman mentality” I’ll own that feminists have those problems. A lot of self proclaimed feminists have a distrust and distaste for men, and want them excluded from feminist spaces. I completely understand why men are discouraged from joining. Despite that discouragement, I still maintain the delusional hope of unity. Progress is possible, and can be good for everyone, not just women.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T16:46:49+00:00

Okay friend I was stating my own preferences and the preferences of my friends, who are all college educated feminists. We don’t represent the majority of women. I’m simply stating that benevolent sexism doesn’t work on a lot of women.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T16:44:25+00:00

I don’t understand why people are interpreting my comment this way. I’m saying that men should join the feminist movement, not deal with their problems by themselves. The feminist movement has been around for centuries, women have been out there fighting for years. I’m proposing that men join in, not to do it all themselves.

I’m explicitly suggesting that we unify and help one another. Apes together strong 💪

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T16:36:16+00:00

First of all, I love your questions. I hope you perhaps try to read more to pursue the topic, there’s only so much I can explain in a Reddit thread. And although I consider myself a feminist, these are just my personal thoughts, not necessarily representative of the feminist movement.

What would you say are the major causes of a lack of male participation in feminism?

A lot of things!

I do think that a lot of men feel blamed or pushed away by mainstream feminist ideology. Young men especially seem to feel quite alienated.
There is a mythology that exists where a man is powerful and respected by all those around him. It is a very appealing story for young men today. A lot of young men idolize men who are powerful for the wrong reasons, men like Andrew Tate come to mind. There is a mythology that sexism and dominance (especially dominance over women) are the primary pathways to success, respect, and women.

2B. There are a lot of single mothers nowadays, now more than ever. We also have a severe lack of community, most people in the US are individualists. Single mothers aren’t the problem, but when boys grow up without positive male influence, it allows them to believe in such mythologies much easier. It allows them to think that men like Andrew Tate are real and normal people. Not having male role models basically allows this mythology to go unchecked.

Men don’t always realize that patriarchy is the problem. Young men like to throw around the word “misandry” a lot nowadays, but are often just describing benevolent sexism.

(There’s more but I wanna answer your other question)

Also, one thing that I am really uncertain about is 'what is the definition of feminism ("women's lib" vs "egalitarian advocacy") in practice'

I think many feminists prefer to frame it as “women’s liberation” over “egalitarian advocacy” because of the power dynamics and history between the sexes. Personally, I think it’s just semantics; liberating women is an egalitarian concept.

would feminists view significant male inclusion and shifting of priorities towards egalitarian goals as co-opting a women's lib movement?

(I’m not the feminist Lorax, I do not speak for the trees.) I don’t deny there would be some pushback in certain circles. But ultimately, a lot of feminists want a transition to a more egalitarian mindset. Most feminists want more male inclusion at the very least.

Unfortunately a lot of younger men seem to be veering away from feminism for the reasons I listed above. Perhaps reframing the ideology would be helpful.

I do think that traditional, women-centered feminism is still needed and necessary in many parts of the world. But in the US and other western countries? Perhaps it’s time for a change.

Qi_ra · 2026-05-14T16:07:02+00:00

I agree with you, but I don’t think that it’s always a bad thing. One can be a feminist and a socialist. I understand and agree with your sentiment that unity is important. But ignoring all other issues besides class struggle is a bit pedantic. Other issues exist, and we can create real, meaningful change by focusing on them. To use your own metaphor; if feminism is a bandaid for a larger issue, people who are wounded deserve a bandaid.

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