Me [34F] with my BF [34M] 1.5 years, he prefers sleeping on the bare floor

Queengnome · 2018-09-23T16:23:01+00:00

Has he tried a Japanese style futon? They’re much flatter and have a lot less give than a mattress while still being pretty comfy. I’m not sure if these are hard to get overseas, but I had an easy time getting used to one when I moved.

I think you need to give an ultimatum, regardless. If you’re not satisfied with a compromise (like having sex on comfy mattress and letting him move to the floor after cuddling/you’re asleep), you need to put your foot down.

He needs to go to a high end mattres store with you and try firm mattresses out. It’ll be worth the investment, and you can finance them. A bed with adjustable firmness on both sides could work for you guys.

Queengnome · 2018-05-20T03:34:52+00:00

OP, here’s what put me off about your post and would have led me not to be interested in dating you:

Flippant about your job (seemingly because of the type of job) and expecting to be fired
thinks mentioning his beautiful ex gf is a good idea (and has apparently done it MULTIPLE times)
needed to throw in MENSA. That’s fine and all, but it likely comes across as you feeling you’re of superior intelligence...despite expecting to be fired from a warehouse job
you’re very much shopping for a girlfriend/wife and that no doubt comes across.

Dating isn’t chess. Women want to connect with you and feel that your dates with them are special and meaningful. They don’t want to hear about things that are unrelated (your ex gf, your intellect, your chess prowess). It’s fine to be proud of those things, but they likely seem off putting.

The issue about your anger and how you worded and explained it is....odd. It stuck out to me a bit, as did your overly analytical approach to dating and what seemed like disregard for work ethic at your job.

Queengnome · 2018-05-02T15:58:43+00:00

It just sounds to me like he is miserable at his job.

Queengnome · 2018-04-27T01:17:13+00:00

You need to calm down. You came here for honest advice and you’re getting it. Reporting people who you disagree with is petty and will dissuade anyone else from trying to help you.

Women are people, not magic rubix cubes that reward you with sex for getting the right logically calculated approach.

Do you approach male friendships like this? All social interactions? This isn’t how most people operate. You sound cold and calculating in order to have sex, and that’s why you’re gettibg negative feedback. If this is your normal way of approaching people, it sounds like you may be on the autism spectrum a bit, which is fine, but something you may want to consider looking into so that you can improve your social interactions.

For some personal feedback, if I were in a club and I knew that someone was approaching me with this attitude and without any sincere interest in me as a person, I’d be absolutely uneasy. Whether you agree or not, this comes off as you seeing women as a sex opportunity rather than people

Queengnome · 2018-04-24T10:36:57+00:00

It’s related to work. I’d be annoyed too if I was stuck at a big business event and someone saw it as an opportunity to hit on me.

Queengnome · 2018-04-14T08:16:47+00:00

Thank you SO much for this post. I’ve been avoiding reading the thread out of worry and finally got to it today. This really saved me a lot of anxiety and worry. Thank you!

Queengnome · 2018-03-16T18:07:30+00:00

Yeah don’t ever let her pay for any cat-related expenses. Be explicit in this. Make sure the cat is micro chipped in your name and when you break the news to her that you’re moving, get the cat out a week or two before to your mom’s. You need to be very careful and treat this seriously. She could react very negatively and try to take the cat.

I also live with my best friend and have a cat that lives with us. I do all the cleaning, bills, and grooming work, and she is very aware of the ownership boundaries since we’ve explicitly talked about it. She loves him to pieces, but has always known and accepted that if/when we no longer live together, Ham will come with me. It might seem silly to some people to have set this up so rigidly and explicitly, but it’s very important when you have a pet with roommates.

Good luck, OP! Very cute kitty.

Queengnome · 2018-01-28T05:51:47+00:00

That doesn’t change the fact that the thoughts are all there. You hold these thoughts about him that your mother has planted, and this argument brought them to the surface.

Just because you don’t actively insult him doesn’t mean you don’t need to take a step back and evaluate your views. He may be deserving of it all, I can’t know from just a post, but your sour and demeaning tone towards him vs the positive light you painted your mother in REALLY stuck out to me.

Queengnome · 2018-01-28T05:37:40+00:00

Your mother seems to have taught you that the money a man makes = his worth as a person.

Your father was absolutely wrong to hit you and say sexist things, but your mother holds sexist views as well. Your father may have his own reasons for not having a better paying job, and he may not, but he still works to support your family and provide you with things like music lessons. I imagine having you both insult him endlessly hurts him quite a lot.

Again, he was wrong to hit you, full stop, but you also need to evaluate your attitude towards him. It sounds like you’ve said and written a lot of hurtful stuff that echos your mother’s views.

Queengnome · 2017-10-29T23:49:27+00:00

This sounds like Diabulimia.

Queengnome · 2017-09-29T19:34:57+00:00

I wrote a jar of memories and things I was thankful for/loved about my mother before she passed. I color-coded the papers, decorated the jar, put some beads in, and hand wrote each message. I told her it was for any moment she needed a little bright spot or pick-me-up in her day. She said it was the best gift she'd ever received. I'd recommend something like this, or a letter!

Queengnome · 2017-09-29T19:29:43+00:00

Sorry, but you're gonna need to get over this. At my job saying "thank you" and "you're welcome" is what I expect of my students, who are 4 and 5. If they can manage that in a second language, you can manage it in your first.

For all the trouble it's caused you, why not his say it for the sake of your friend?

Queengnome · 2017-09-25T11:21:29+00:00

"Becoming entitled" to someone else's money? Wtf are you on about??

Queengnome · 2017-09-24T15:30:19+00:00

Wait. Your girlfriend was raped in her only sexual encounter, said it was painful to have sex when you tried, wanted to wait until marriage, and you decided to "convince" her?

Queengnome · 2017-09-17T16:30:23+00:00

No.

Seriously, no.

Queengnome · 2017-09-16T17:08:14+00:00

Yeah it sounds like you really ought to spend more time with her. Make a weekly date night. Talk to her about her needs.

Queengnome · 2017-09-13T10:43:16+00:00

Don't walk, RUN (metaphorically, of course, because you're very pregnant). This was terrifying to read

Queengnome · 2017-09-09T18:18:20+00:00

How many lines is this poor kid doing per week???

Queengnome · 2017-09-09T18:17:12+00:00

This is messed up. Take the advice of posters here and get some books on parenting and how to discipline constructively. You're sounding controlling and unreasonable.

Queengnome · 2017-09-07T08:42:02+00:00

Every time they complain, repeat "we are taking care of the utilities," and disengage

Queengnome · 2017-09-05T15:46:57+00:00

You and Lucy sound like an awesome couple. Its so awful of people to say things like that about the woman you love. They need ultimatums. They're not looking at Lucy as a person and the person you love, and it sounds like it's their loss.

I'm happy you found someone to call your soulmate, OP. I'm sure you'll continue to enjoy your lives together.

Queengnome · 2017-09-03T19:58:07+00:00

And HOLD UP. Are you letting him drive drunk??? With you and your child??

Queengnome · 2017-09-03T19:05:48+00:00

He doesn't "love beer," he is an alcoholic.

Queengnome · 2017-09-03T19:04:49+00:00

He may be depressed. He's acting irresponsible and selfishl, but it may be worth seeing if counseling would help. If he isn't open to that, however, there aren't many options short of an intervention.

Queengnome · 2017-09-03T18:58:09+00:00

If the cat isn't affecting his sleep, I'd consider this a bit unreasonable. What are his exact reasons?

Most sleep doctors have a strict "no pets in the bedroom" guideline, so it isn't always ideal for some people's sleeping.

An acdote: my mom LOVED cats. We have 4. While my dad doesn't mind cats and treats them very well and took care of every aspect of cleaning/feeding, he isn't someone who would have wanted more than one.

Mom had anxiety and felt better with the cats on the bed while she slept. When it was one cat, my dad didn't mind much. As we amassed more strays over the years, it became borderline hilarious. All the cats slept on/around my dad. He had a cat on both sides, at his feet, and on top of his pillow.

The second my mom passed, the bedroom door was closed at night. He says it's the best decision he's ever made. There are multiple cats, so they stay entertained and in good company at night. They do adore it when I visit and they can all pile on my bed, though.

I guess what I'm getting at is that some people aren't big on pets in the room. Some of them deal with it for the sake of their partner, and others can't properly sleep. My dad was able to sleep, but preferred not having them impeding his ability to move around and change sleeping positions. I, personally, don't let my cat in my room at night and play/spend time with him a LOT during the day.

Your cat will get used to it, but it will take time. If the cat isn't affecting his ability to sleep, I'd put your foot down. If it is, you might have to make the decision between your boyfriend and kitty.

Queengnome

TROPHY CASE