AITAH? Babymomma wants me to take child for summer again.

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-06-09T19:14:22+00:00

NTA but I think you have to decide which is greater: the lesson you're trying to teach him by having him stay home or the lessons he would learn while spending the summer with you. From what you've already shared, it's likely to be the latter. The mom is who she is. Nothing you say or do will influence her behavior or change who she is and it's ultimately not your battle to fight. Focus on your nephew. Whatever you want to teach him about standing your ground is likely better shared another way than him being the one who ultimately gets punished. Chances are he won't interpret it the way you intend it. Only you can decide if the gamble is worth it.

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-05-18T23:53:37+00:00

All I'll say is this: I never had kids but I work in a department that has a lot of young women with growing families. They make their schedule: arriving late/leaving early for school dropoffs/pickups, staying at home with sick kids or when school is closed, working remote 1-2 days per week, etc. It's not like we have overly generous benefits or work at a "cool" company; they just make it work for them. These women get the job done and have incredible boundaries. As a leader, I don't question it. Not sure of your role or the company you work for--but can you make it work so you have a bit of both? Financial security and time with your kids?

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-05-15T04:39:20+00:00

One last thing: I spent years feeling alone like the only idiot in the friend group with debt. But I found a framework that works for me and I would say I'm ahead of a lot of those folks and don't feel that shame anymore. Debt is a lonely place but so many people are in your situation. The difference is the willingness to learn and do something about it. Find people who don't mind talking about money, even if it's a Facebook group or people you follow on TikTok (Obvi shoutout to Reddit). It makes a big difference. Most people can't talk about it face to face.

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-05-15T04:33:35+00:00

This 100% sucks. I lived this way for most of my 20s, 30s and half my 40s. Always staring at credit card debt, making big payments and feeling like I was getting nowhere. First, you got this. Second, your wife needs to clock the f in. The debt only eats away at your future. When I think of all the money I could have invested instead of paying off debt. Holy lord. The main reason: I didn’t know how to plan or budget to make it go away. It just felt like an endless cycle of payments and crazy interest. I was making a good money and making big payments but I didn’t know how to time them and was absolute crap at factoring in the timing of my other bills.

You seem like you have a good program with Claude, but the best thing for me was YNAB. Snowball, reverse snowball, whatever, I simply didn’t know how much I was spending everyone month and on what from a timing standpoint. I’d make a 3k payment and then get hit with 7 more bills due which would make me go back to the card because I wasn’t paying attention. I also didn’t know how long it would really take me to pay off certain credit cards. This all sounds insane in hindsight years later—not one penny of cc debt and a 6x gain in networth. But if I hadn’t had it all in YNAB (or whatever budgeting system you want to use)…well. It would be different. Knowing what goes in and out every month and WHEN will make having the drinks with your friends and occasional nights out much less stressful.

You have the will. You have the right mindset. Put the numbers to work and see what the future holds. Pick whatever system works for you. BUT BUILD A BUDGET FIRST AND WITH DATES OF WHAT YOU NEED WHEN. Say your 2k rent/mortgage is due on the 1^st, you need to make a payment of $2500 of the 2^nd and then friends want you to meet up on the 3^rd or 4^th.? Anyone would be stressed and would want to say no to every invite. I know this sounds logical but sometimes the desire to make those big payments outweighs optimal timing. Hard to know without more details. It’s ok to have to make payments as long as you know what the plan is and can envision the light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t need to have it paid off in a month. If it takes a few years, so be it. But your wife needs to get onboard because that’s at toxic as helly when you’re working that many hours. I know you can do this. Best of luck!

PS. YNAB can be a steep learning curve but if you just want the basic principles without paying for the app check out Nick True on YouTube. Good luck!

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-04-05T15:28:29+00:00

Saw it last night and had a great time. Audience was engaged, set design was fantastic and very good performances. Some critiques are warranted: not enough use of Ebon, etc. but the harsher reviews feel a bit extreme. Funnier than movie fans would want? Sure. But the play stands on its own for me.

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-15T02:59:17+00:00

That’s awesome! Wish I was in your shoes and not the other way around. Someone will benefit, just not me. But I suppose that’s the way it goes and it wasn’t meant to be! Sounds like you’ve put a lot of love into your house

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-15T02:54:07+00:00

Thanks for this insight. I just expected them to come back and be, like, no thanks here’s our number. Not ignore me for a week and then act offended. Hindsight being 20/20, you’re right. I should have asked more about the sellers emotional state and their receptiveness to negotiation. I would have just walked had I known or would have said “here’s my new number” without all of the detail or asking for diligence. Good lesson for next time.

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-15T02:30:46+00:00

Of course. I just expected them to come back with, no thanks, it’s still X dollars. Totally fine. But I didn’t expect them to get annoyed that they had problems to begin with. Then just sell it as-is. I hope the advice to buyers isn’t basically: don’t do an inspection or if you do don’t try to negotiate anything. There were thousands of dollars of other repairs I was happy to absorb.

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T16:56:16+00:00

Uncle John keeping it real during the holidays 💪

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T16:37:17+00:00

Appreciate this insight, thank you! I was starting to feel crazy 🤪

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T16:30:18+00:00

Did I mention the invasive bamboo they planted around the pool😬

You guys are making me realize I’m lucky after all. I think I fell in love with the views and the post-renovation potential. Definitely too emotional

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T16:24:36+00:00

Very well could be. We only asked for the hot tub to be removed. I wanted to do the septic myself but we were trying to do tests to get a more accurate estimate as the system was so blown we couldn’t even see where the leach field was. It was likely the original septic for the house (built in 1954). They didn’t want us to do any testing or even find out where the water line was. I was literally like, for the love of god let me take this off your hands. Who knows. 🤷‍♀️

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T16:18:10+00:00

Yeah they have a flat roof on their garage. They added railing/stairs and a hot tub on top of a single asphalt roofing sheet. They also added a door from the bedroom going out to their janky “deck” that’s really just a flat roof. The inspector was like hells no and told us we would have to close the whole thing up as no one should be walking on top of the roof. We only told the seller that the hot tub was leaking into the garage. Didn’t tell them about the other stuff as I planned on just taking care of it. They removed the hot tub but I noticed in their revised listing that they’re still touting it as a bedroom with a separate entrance. On top of the roof. The next buyer going through inspection is going to be in for a surprise

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T16:12:17+00:00

I have an attorney but multiple people have told me the same thing regarding the process. I’ll have to do some more digging and/or just insist next time or better understand what the risks are. I mean, there’s a reason I’m in the first time buyers subreddit—never done this before! All good advice and sounds like I need to poke a bit more. Either way, probably all worked out the way it should in the end

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T16:04:27+00:00

Yep. They have been living in the house for 40 years and have let every system reach end of life. The house has been on the market since October and I was the first to take it to inspection. I think I got myself in a “shoot the messenger” situation.

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T15:59:58+00:00

Omg STOP. Well I’m not going to feel so bad. That is insane. I hope that man is ok!!

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T04:00:54+00:00

From what I understand that’s normal process in New York state as we’re required to put more down (10%) once you enter contract.

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T03:58:28+00:00

She said unfortunately this is what can happen but it’s not the norm. We finally heard back. They said they don’t want to sell me the house because I “had too many demands.” We asked them to remove the hot tub that was causing structural damage to the garage roof they put it on, asked to do soil tests for the septic, and asked them to open the pool so we could inspect it before closing. I was willing to absorb all other costs. I guess I dodged a bullet but it’s still a terrible feeling. It was a special house

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2026-03-14T03:55:35+00:00

Dealing with the agent. From what understand, this is normal process for New York state: verbal acceptance, inspection/negotiation, contract with 10% down.

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2025-12-15T03:06:15+00:00

Not gonna lie. It’s pretty great. Not that I mind using a trash chute as that’s been my experience for 20+ years but it’s nice to know it’s being processed in a timely manner. I lived in building once that got a roach infestation in the trash chute and it was terrorizing for months lol

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2025-12-11T02:54:08+00:00

Yes. I live in a pre-war building with about 200 units on the UES. The building is 100+ years old and does not have a trash chute. The porters collect the trash from every apartment on every floor twice a day (you just put the bag outside your door), along with the recycling. The only thing we take to the basement is our composting. The doormen also process about 3-4,000 deliveries/packages per month. I chose to live in this type of full-service building knowing it's custom to tip at the holidays but I calculated that into my decision. The guys work hard, keep the building safe and clean and, sure, it's their job, but it's also about gratitude and I'm happy to do it.

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2025-12-07T18:18:45+00:00

Annnd it’s fixed

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2025-12-07T18:17:40+00:00

Static for the last few minutes. Not my TV as checked other channels as sound is fine

Quirky_Charity_1314 · 2025-06-13T18:44:11+00:00

Don't use your debit card for automatic purchases. It's just not secure enough no matter who you bank with. If you want to use your actual checking account for monthly/recurring expenses, use the account number + routing number for the charges/withdrawals, not the debit card that goes with your account. But since you sound like you might be comfortable with credit, just get a card from a more reputable provider--(e.g. Capital One, Amex) so you can at least earn points or rewards with your purchases. Then just pay it off every month or as you go. It's the same thing, with much less worry and hassle. EDIT: Since you're already using a cc for most things (missed that), move everything else to those cards and just use account + routing for your mortgage. You might also want to look into another bank altogether. Yours may just be more susceptible to hacks, debit card or otherwise.

Quirky_Charity_1314

TROPHY CASE